SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I found out today a song that my wife shared with OM during the affair, and it’s kicking my ass today. Seniorita, by Shawn Mendes. And his match to the sleaze of it was Follow Me by Uncle Kracker. Both just revolting, it’s like they were proud and celebrating their debauchery.

I think I’m in a curious and pain shopping mood. Anyone care to share songs from their partner’s affair that drove the knife in deeper?

My one remaining trigger that can still pack a big punch is the song that my H said reminded him of the AP: Figured You Out by Nickelback. It's not an affair anthem, per se, but it's disgusting. I'm glad it wasn't a love song. More like a "You're a ho with zero self-respect and I appreciate that about you" song.

It's so weird, because I've literally only heard it once since DDay in 2004. It was at the state fair a year after DDay. One of the rides started blaring it and I freaked out and bolted until I got far enough away that I couldn't hear it anymore.

I Trigger to this day to "Unsuccessfully Coping With The Natural Beauty of Infidelity by Type O Negative. I absolutely love the band, but a LOT of their material deals with Betrayal,and Loss. They are easy to go down the rabbit hole with if you are feeling depressed or angry. However,the aforementioned song though is probably required listening when driving in your car and pissed at the world.

If I may ask, how did you find out?
Follow Me is especially cruel. How does your wife explain how they had an anthem dedicated to their awfulness.
You could also look at it as funny. This piece of trash embraced the pop music equivalent of ear wax. Uncle Kracker is for guys who think Kid Rock is too high class.

Nothing to add (it was already over by the time I found out so I am not aware of any anthems) except to say OUCH, I am so sorry friend. I feel your pain and it probably does drive home the conniving wickedness of your WW during her affair, in such a painful way that I would not wish on anyone. I have no idea how anyone can get past that or why they should even try to!

[This message edited by WontBeFooledAgai at 12:44 AM, Wednesday, November 8th]

If I may ask, how did you find out?

You can always ask In short, I asked. The UK song had come out very early, I think she has been guarding Seniorita cause I would know it was her doing. But I asked very directly and she gave me a list of songs they shared.

Follow Me is especially cruel.

I was devastated by it when it came to light. The fact that there is a song like that, that man is a slimy piece of shit.

You could also look at it as funny. This piece of trash embraced the pop music equivalent of ear wax. Uncle Kracker is for guys who think Kid Rock is too high class.

I like this perspective. There was even another UK song on the list. OM’s music taste was god awful, I’ll take comfort in being the clear winner there

I am collectively angry on all of your behalf.

Husband had no specific song with Trailer (my nickname for his AP). But, she was a great lover of Adam Levine. When it came out what a cheating dirtbag he is it seemed very appropriate. I like some of his music too, but at this point I pretty much associate all of it with her.

Music is so emotional, this topic really ticked me off, at my H and all the WSes. I am now going to return to my Zen frame of mind.

"Music affects the passions by sound.The charms of music and its expressions are intelligible to the heart. It touches and gently agitates the passions, it wraps us in melancholy,or elevates us in joy; it melts us in tenderness,or excites us to war...."

This truncated verse; borrowed words from something I read elsewhere has meaning here in this thread.

I'm almost positive that every betrayed has some song that triggers them.

I don't know if they had a song of theirs. What triggers me are a couple of songs and/ or bands/concerts of the affair period.

My WW and AP together attended concerts of a few big name groups everyone here would recognize. All this under the guise of a group event amongst coworkers and supposedly included APs wife.(like this makes it appear safer to a very hypervigilent betrayed husband.)

As for me, anything linked to Live Aid concert, INXS, Bruce Springsteen is triggering. Specific songs from the period by artists I normally like are "She's Waiting" by Eric Clapton, "Second Hand Love" by Pete Townsend, kill me, this many years later. I'm thinking now of a poster stating "Infidelity; the gift that keeps on giving" you are so right.

Anything by Amy Winehouse.

Jazz or blues. Their first "rendezvous" was a plan to go to a jazz club.

All jazz music is banned from my house. And he knows it.

The first indication that something was going on between WH and AP, before the EA turned to PA, was an email from him to her, that I found in his trash folder. It contained a link to Je t'aime ... moi non plus. He succesfully convinced me, that while it was inappropriate it meant nothing more than their shared love of music . So I can't stand this song. There are many more that trigger me, but this one makes me sick.

Another link he sent to her was "Why do we always hurt the ones we love" by Dan Hill. It does not trigger me, but damn, what the hell was he thinking? I am sure it held no deeper meaning at the time, but talk about total disconnect from reality.

[This message edited by ZetaCephei at 9:12 AM, Wednesday, November 8th]

I'm so sorry you're hurting.

I'm also sorry you continue to find out new info,this far from dday. It's cruel. She knew this. She didn't forget. It's almost(?) as if she was purposely coveting this particular secret.

At this point, you shouldn't have to ask a pointed question to get some more facts about her and OM. Since she's doing the work(??), this should have been volunteered. Long before now.

I'm sorry she continues to lie..and yes,lies of omission are still lies.

Follow me is a bit odd. I'm almost positive that song is about cocaine.

First OW told him "Stay' was their song. How cliche.

[This message edited by HellFire at 11:53 AM, Wednesday, November 8th]

Music is so emotional, this topic really ticked me off, at my H and all the WSes. I am now going to return to my Zen frame of mind.

Your surrogate anger is felt and appreciated and I’m glad you can find your happy place.

Follow me is a bit odd. I'm almost positive that song is about cocaine.

Here is what UK himself said about the song’s "meaning":

"(The song] takes on a couple of different meanings. I've heard some people think that I'm talking about drugs, or some people think I'm talking about cheating. I guess it's kinda both. I would never want to say anything that would get myself in trouble, being married with a couple of kids. That song is like a dirty picture painted with a pretty brush."

Hmmmm….this passage seems pretty clear:

I'm not worried
'Bout the ring you wear
'Cause as long as no one knows
Then nobody can care
You're feelin' guilty
And I'm well aware
But you don't look ashamed
And baby I'm not scared

My UW didn’t share any music she and her APs shared. But like others have said, there is a LOT of "tainted" music now from the time of cheating. Most notably, the Joshua Tree by U2. I DID share a song that sums up how I feel about her cheating that made her cry. It is "Lover" by Alter Bridge:

If you deny the wounds of your lover
You will discover
That what you had is shattered and wasted
Did you have to take it so far?

The truth exposed and love is devoured
And the ivory tower is coming down
A vow betrayed and honor is broken
The wounds are open and bleeding out
But it's all I can do to carry on
It brings all I fear to life

If you deny the wounds of your lover
You will discover
That what you had is shattered and wasted

Did you have to take it so far?
Should you have to throw it all away?
Did you have to shove it in my face?
Did you have to tear my world apart?
Did you have to take so selfishly?
No matter how you hurt the ones you need?
Did you have to fall so very far?
Should you have to throw it all away?
Did you have to shove it in my face?
Did you have to tear my world apart?
Did you have to take so selfishly?
No matter how you hurt the ones you need?
Did you have to fall so very far?

The trigger's warm, the chamber is loaded
Lost in a moment
What went wrong?
There's nothing left, this house has been broken
But still I'm holding
I'm holding on

If you deny the wounds of your lover
You will discover
That what you had is shattered and wasted
Did you have to take it so far?
If you deny the wounds of your lover
You will discover

You can see it in your love
Your wounds are open and are bleeding out
It's so real
If you deny the wounds of your lover (Now that you've gone so far)
You will discover (Can you live with what you've done and who you are?)
That what you had is shattered and wasted (Now that you've gone so far)
Did you have to take it so far? (Can you live with what you've done and who you are?)

This one was very powerful for me right after DDay:

Gravel by Ani DiFranco

I heard the sound of your bike as your wheels hit the gravel
Then your engine in the driveway cutting off
And I pushed through the screen door and I stood out on the porch
Thinking fight, fight, fight at all costs

But instead I let you in just like I've always done
I sat you down and offered you a beer
And across the kitchen table, I fired several rounds
But you were still sitting there when the smoke cleared

And you came crawling back
To say that you wanna make good in the end
And oh, oh let me count the ways that I abhor you
And you were never a good lay
And you were never a good friend
But, oh, oh, oh what can I say
I adore you, oh

All I need is my leather, one t-shirt and two socks
I'll keep my hands warm in your pockets and use the engine block
And we'll ride out to California with my arms around your chest
And I'll pretend that this is real 'cuz this is what I like best

And you've been juggling two women like a stupid circus clown
Telling us both we are the one
And maybe you can keep me from ever being happy
But you're not gonna stop me from having fun

So let's go before I change my mind
I'll leave the luggage of all your lives behind
'Cuz I am bigger than everything that came before

And you were never very kind
And you let me way down every time
But oh, oh, oh what can I say
I adore you
I heard the sound of your bike
As your wheels hit the gravel
Then your engine in the driveway
Cutting off

WH affair was fairly brief and from reading emails didn't share any music. However, her name is the same as a Rolling Stones song. I had LOVED listening to the Stones but now it's tainted. When I hear that song I still melt down. We have a fun RS cover band where we live but had to turn down invite because of the that damn song. It REALLY sucks. My husband lives in fear of it coming on the radio in the car.

After my parents broke up, after my Dad cheated, and my Mum started drinking, and they divorced, and my Dad married his AP, my mother was in a bad way, for years.

My mother was once drunk, as she often was, thinking of him and singing that Art Garfunkel song ‘Bright Eyes’.

Bright eyes, burning like fire
Bright eyes, how can you close and fail?
How can the light that burned so brightly
Suddenly burn so pale?
Bright eyes

I let her know it was written as the theme for the Watership Down movie, so was about a dead rabbit.

She found that hysterical.

I'm so sorry you're hurting.

Thanks, friend. You’ve been on my mind a lot recently also.

I'm also sorry you continue to find out new info,this far from dday. It's cruel. She knew this. She didn't forget. It's almost(?) as if she was purposely coveting this particular secret.

I really don’t see evidence of cherishing this memory and trying to preserve it. I think it’s simpler than that: she is still doing what waywards do and trying to protect me from the truth, and cover her own ass at the same time. And this one fucking pierces.

At this point, you shouldn't have to ask a pointed question to get some more facts about her and OM. Since she's doing the work(??), this should have been volunteered. Long before now.

I'm sorry she continues to lie..and yes,lies of omission are still lies.

There is a both/and to this. It’s true, disclosure is still happening, which makes it so incredibly slow, might be record setting. One reason I’ve been more quiet here for a while is me taking the right to "pull an Emergent" and break the company line. I’m using every ounce of my childhood trauma induced patience here. And there is progress, and it is glacial. And I don’t want to argue about it here, I’d just ask for support when I ask for it. As of this week, after a MC session, I explicitly said that she needed to stop doing this, that if I asked a question then I just flat out wanted an answer, no more attempts to caretake. She seems to have finally hit the point of letting go of the outcome and has agreed. This list of songs was a first offering of that.

It’s also true that, as I have written about before, that I’ve tried to be patient with my level of knowledge and see what quiets down and what still needs more information to settle, and that judging that is a long process. So I am also partly responsible for the drawn out nature of this.

And she is doing the work, there have been personal insights by her that have brought me to tears, to hear her verbalize the broken values that have caused me so much misery for so long. Really digging into shame and it’s toxic effects when taken too far.

Follow me is a bit odd. I'm almost positive that song is about cocaine.

Yeah, ImAChump posted a verse out of the song below that is pretty fucking hard to not think PROUD CHEATER when you hear it. Wikipedia says it was an international hit. What a fucked up world.

First OW told him "Stay' was their song. How cliche.

I had to listen to that song a couple times to figure out the frame of reference was coming from a mistress. Evil can be clothed in the forms of beauty. Stay strong, friend.

[This message edited by InkHulk at 3:58 PM, Wednesday, November 8th]

That reminds me of Walloped’s thread (which I found so very helpful).

The way I remember it, there was a description of them attempting recovery. There was a get together. That ‘do you like Pina Colada’s’ song came on. Walloped started to tense up. Mrs Walloped ran in to turn the music off creating a confused and awkward moment.

I hope they are doing okay.

I was in the pits when I read that, and it helped.

This is something I had almost forgot about. When I was digging in her phone after Dday I found a video she sent to AP. It was her recording the radio in her car "Feel Like Making Love" Kid Rock

Just another perspective (not popular here), but I absolutely regret asking and receiving answers for some of the things from husband’s cheating years. I did ask if they had a "song" (supposedly they didn’t), but did share music tastes together. She loved Duran Duran 😂😂😂😂 which makes me laugh because he’s always hated 80’s music and still does. However, depending on the length of the affair I don’t think cheaters necessarily leave out info, but rather forget details or their importance unless directly asked. There are legitimate relationships in my life that have details I forget unless asked. "Did your XYZ with an old BF?" Hmm… you know what, I did. I’d forgotten about that. In my opinion, it would be impossible for cheaters to disclose every mundane detail about their affair without being directly asked to remember. "Did she wear sexy lingerie for you?" (Yes, I asked) he described it to me when asked, but he never thought of it as something that mattered therefore didn’t "volunteer" the info until asked. I don’t think your wife was lying by omission, but perhaps had forgotten, wasn’t thinking it was relevant, etc. in long affairs there is no way to actually be told every little mundane conversation or detail. At some point I had to quit asking questions, because the new info was serving me no purpose, but to hurt more. Eventually, I’d only ask a question after I sat on it a few days and asked myself if the answer will help my recovery or decision to stay or go. If neither of those were a "yes" then I’d just throw it out with all the other fantasy bullshit my emotionally f’ed up husband participated in. Sorry you are hurting right now. This too, will pass.