SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Just another perspective (not popular here), but I absolutely regret asking and receiving answers for some of the things from husband’s cheating years.

I agree with this perspective, it’s why I’m being slow and judicious about what I ask. But at this point, almost a year and a half past d-day 1, if I’m still having problems in an area, then I think I can safely judge that I need something. I was watching the Taylor Swift recorded concert with my daughter the other week and one of her songs came on (Blank Space, I think) and it made me think that this could be a song she sent him and I triggered pretty hard, had to walk away from watching with my daughter. So I figure that if I’m that vigilant and paranoid about this topic, then I just just need to know what reality is and gather all the awfulness into one spot. So now Shawn Mendes and Uncle Kracker will not be welcome in my house, no big loss. She also sent him a Dixie Chicks song (Cowboy take me away). I blasted Gaslighter in the car yesterday to keep them in clear in my heart, I love them.

"Music affects the passions by sound.The charms of music and its expressions are intelligible to the heart. It touches and gently agitates the passions, it wraps us in melancholy,or elevates us in joy; it melts us in tenderness,or excites us to war...."

This truncated verse; borrowed words from something I read elsewhere has meaning here in this thread.

Thanks for sharing this. Music is so powerful, my wife has said this is exactly why she didn’t want to tell me this, she knows how much I love music and the effect it has on me. Her sending him something from the Dixie Chicks is such an example of shitting where she eats. We both love that band, and she just desecrated them, and for nothing.

She also sent him a Dixie Chicks song (Cowboy take me away). I blasted Gaslighter in the car yesterday to keep them in clear in my heart, I love them.

That MFer can't have The Chicks! lol

AP took my H to see Eli Young Band. This was before they were big. He came home wearing an EYB hat like it was some kind of trophy. After I found out about him seeing them with AP, I ripped that hat apart with my bare hands. I reclaimed the F out of them, but they still remind me of the A.

If he had shared Tom Petty with her, there would be no R. No way, no how. Petty is OURS.

This is something I had almost forgot about. When I was digging in her phone after Dday I found a video she sent to AP. It was her recording the radio in her car "Feel Like Making Love" Kid Rock

Sorry if this revitalized a trigger. Music is just so powerful to evoke emotions. Shared songs was one of the first things I asked. She lied, saying Follow Me was the only one she remembered. After D-day 2, in her timeline, she admitted to lying about the songs, that their were others, but she didn’t name them, no doubt correctly judging that Seniorita would really impact me. I liked that song well enough before, and if it’s just a romance song then so be it. But for her to send it to him, it’s just gutting.

That MFer can't have The Chicks! lol

EXACTLY!

AP took my H to see Eli Young Band. This was before they were big. He came home wearing an EYB hat like it was some kind of trophy. After I found out about him seeing them with AP, I ripped that hat apart with my bare hands. I reclaimed the F out of them, but they still remind me of the A.

I LOVE Eli Young Band. Crazy Girl used to be my song for her. Hits a little to close to home now for both of us.

I LOVE Eli Young Band. Crazy Girl used to be my song for her. Hits a little to close to home now for both of us.

They're so good that there was no way I was letting that bitch have them. My H reclaimed them for us, too. He took me to see them a couple of times and was very attentive, making sure I was alright.

[This message edited by SacredSoul33 at 5:57 PM, Wednesday, November 8th]

Sometimes this is the stuff I kinda wish the the OBS knew. I guess thats probably a payback mentality of sorts. It isn’t productive long term, but I guess we can feel our anger to the fullest extent now. Outrage, right?

I had one of those cool pen shaped VARs back then. He tricked me into being out of the house. The pen recorded him up in the attic turning on the song Dangerous. I’m not even sure who sings that. You can hear him flitting around in the background getting excited—like organizing stuff. Then he calls her. Asks her about her kid’s cheerleading practice, barf. When I hear that song I get mad too. It’s more the deceit and manipulation. I remember I had to play it like I hadn’t caught him calling her. Otherwise he would have known about the pen. I ended up using my son’s computer cuz I needed a PC to download the stuff. My son found them—the recordings. All kinds of crying because we had to explain what the heck his crazy mommy was doing. My husband doesn’t even remember this. Like how do you not remember doing that to your kid? The music seems like the equivalent of some sort of glee and excitement. Yuk

this is exactly why she didn’t want to tell me this,

So this isn't something she forgot. She admitted to withholding it from you. At this point, her excuse of not wanting to hurt you,doesn't fly. If she's actually doing the work, then she knows withholding any information about the affair is wrong,and counterintuitive. It's bad. And you know it.

T/j..I see the surgeon on Monday. He thinks we've rugswept.

The song, "Stay," was ridiculous. Like..stay?? Bitch,where? You've got a husband at home. Pretty sure my husband wouldn't be welcome.

If you swept HF, I’m pretty sure it was a handkerchief size fully transparent rug!

Indeed

So this isn't something she forgot. She admitted to withholding it from you. At this point, her excuse of not wanting to hurt you,doesn't fly. If she's actually doing the work, then she knows withholding any information about the affair is wrong,and counterintuitive. It's bad. And you know it.

As said, she lied initially, corrected the record in general at d-day 2, and I’ve now made the choice to ask for specifics. I asked this question explicitly about a week ago, she said she thought it wasn’t "wise" of me to ask, and we agreed to delay till MC. MC session had the "no more caretaking" ground rule, and she answered. I can’t agree with you that withholding any information regarding the A is inherently wrong, I am aligned with OTOSOH’s take. This was a three year affair. I think of this like viewing a picture on my phone. At normal proportions, I can see the whole picture. If I try to zoom in and get more and more detail, it quickly becomes blurry. Now sure, in reality that information was there, it exists, it’s knowable. But I’m going to have to accept that I’ll only ever have a photograph of this thing, and I’m going to have to pick and choose where to get higher resolution, otherwise the next decade of my life will center around filling in details of the worse event of our lives. Sounds like a shitty life. So forgiveness and R require a degree of acceptance and letting go. I’m letting go where I can. I’m listening to my heart and mind on where I need more to get to peace. If she denies me what I ask for to achieve that peace, essentially putting her short term discomfort over my long term mental health, it will be a deal breaker. But both of us desire to move to this being just a part of our past, not a day to day present reality.
And I recognize that the patience I’m showing probably isn’t even what I would recommend for most. If you feel a need to put it on the record that this is not best practice, I won’t disagree with you. I am choosing my path, I’ll live with the consequences.

Any song that came on the radio post (pick one of many D-days) reminds me of my xWS and his philandering. So.... angry revenge type music or music about leaving a cheater became my anthems

Any song that came on the radio post (pick one of many D-days) reminds me of my xWS and his philandering. So.... angry revenge type music or music about leaving a cheater became my anthems

Well then, let’s dual purpose this thread and list some damn good ones of those

I Hope - Gabby Barrett
Cheater Cheater - Joey and Rory

I prefer an anthem for me. Mitchell Tenpenny is my go to - several perfect songs. Check out these lyrics - awesome if you need a pick me up:

Yeah, this town's been telling me
I've done some things I never did
Yeah, the grapevine starts with a glass of wine
And you taking a sip
Every word that you're saying's
'Nother stab to my reputation
And I can't take it anymore
But you've opened that door

Yeah, there's two sides to every breakup
One's a lie and one's the truth
One of 'em went down and one was made up
But in the end we both lose
Why can't we meet in the middle
Call it even, call a truce
If you quit telling lies about me
I won't tell the truth about you

Like how you picked a fight
Every time you saw me get a text
To make yourself feel better
That you still talk to your ex
Yeah, you told your friends, you told your mama
That I'm the root of all the drama
But we both know why this ended
Girl, I caught you red-handed

Well then, let’s dual purpose this thread and list some damn good ones of those

"What Comes Around, Goes Around" and "Cry Me A River" Justin Timberlake

"Irreplaceable" Beyonce

"Say My Name" Destiny's Child

"Unfaithful" and "Take a Bow" Rhianna

"What Comes Around" and "Te Amo... I Hate You" Ill Niño

"Moral of the Story" Ashe

I can only imagine how much this stings @InkHulk, because it gives a pretty sharp visual as to what she was thinking and feeling during her affair. It's one thing to know that OM was on your WW's thoughts a lot during her affair, and that during this period she often criticized you unfairly while putting OM on a completely undeserved pedestal. But it is another matter altogether to now be revisiting that time she overreacted (say) complaining to you about how you got a carton of 1%-lowfat milk from the store instead of your WW's choice of skim. It truly has to burn to know that, while WW was nitpicking you that coldly, she likely was fantasizing about OM--with the song "Seniorita" playing as the soundtrack of her mind.

And....I'd even say that this is but another version of 'acts WW did with OM but not with you'. Did WW ever make *you* a mix tape?

I asked this question explicitly about a week ago, she said she thought it wasn’t "wise" of me to ask,

I am sorry, I know that this is not the point of your thread, but I could not help myself here. The nerve of your WW. She shouldn't ever, EVER be saying what information you need about her affair that is 'wise' for you to ask from now on. I hope she was taken to task--hard--on that!

[This message edited by WontBeFooledAgai at 8:27 PM, Wednesday, November 8th]

SS33, AP tried to lure WH to a Petty show in Baltimore!
I told him if he had gone I would have immediately filed for D!
Petty is OURS. Bawled when he passed.

That your WH's plans to take OW to a Tom Petty concert actually ending up felling through and not happening, well I'd say he got lucky.

[This message edited by WontBeFooledAgai at 7:51 PM, Wednesday, November 8th]

WBFA, thank you, that made my day.

I sometimes remind him:

You better watch what you say

You better watch what you do to me

Don't get carried away

If you can do better than me

Go

Yeah, go

But remember

Good love is hard to find

Good love is hard to find

You got lucky, babe

You got lucky, babe

When I found you

[This message edited by Hopeful0729 at 7:56 PM, Wednesday, November 8th]

Hi Hopeful, I can happy to hear that. Anyway, YES, it is as you said. That's now YOUR anthem, Hopeful!

[This message edited by WontBeFooledAgai at 8:00 PM, Wednesday, November 8th]