SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

This is my first post and I am still learning the protocol. Not sure if this is the correct place for my question. My profile contains my complete story.

Though the WP and I are no longer together, we remain friends and do many activities together. I live 10 miles from the house that I owned with him and he still lives in (he bought me out in December). I have not been back into the house since last November. He continues his SA activities taking women he hooks up on the internet to this home. I ruminate about them sitting on my furniture (I left everything), and having sex with him in what was my master bedroom, or wherever in the house. I've told him he should find someone else to be his friend instead of me, but he says he doesn't want to start over. I keep telling him that I am not recovering, after 1.5y in therapy.

In 2023 I was diagnosed with two eye diseases that could leave me blind. He tells me that he will always be there for me, and this is the main reason I remain his friend. I just don't know how to cope with all of this. I am paralized with the fear of taking care of myself solo, and at the same time suffering by remaining his friend.

I think you already know that by still being so attached to him, you are not healing.

And to heal you will have to cut that cord. Your medical issues are a real challenge. How long do they estimate until your sight is impacted, if ever? Have you reached out to resources to help you cope with that? There are organizations for the blind that can help you learn how to function with limited or no sight, and there you will meet others who have walked in your shoes. I urge you to seek these resources out sooner rather than later. Perhaps it will remove some of the fear of the unknown you are experiencing (and who wouldn’t be fearful!). I’m sorry you have to deal with that on top of the infidelity.

Also, I think you were wise to leave the furniture - so what you are on is not tainted by his ick. Not enough sage to clean the ick out of the old house.

So how do you cope? You start building new relationships, friendships. And start seeing him less and less. Stop being at his beck and call. Start building an independent life. Maybe volunteer work for the blind to help you learn more about that community? Or other volunteer work. Take dance lessons. Take up guitar. Adopt an animal. Get busy, and not with him.

He’s cake eating- and I know you feel you need him for later in life. But FIRST you need to heal. He’s let you down before, I hate to think you put all your eggs in his basket for your future.

Most of all, be kind to yourself. This stuff is really hard and takes time and effort.

BearlyBreathing: Thank you for the helpful suggestions. My eye disease is currently minimally affecting my daily living (I try to never drive at night). But, each person is different and between the ages of 70-80 things can progress quickly. So, I take one day at a time. I am an introvert and I have never really had friendships. I am working on this by looking into joining a bowling league and I have recently joined two fly fishing groups. I am hoping this will help me spend less and less time with him.

I am also trying to get my head around the SA in general. When I originally discovered his activities, he said it had nothing to do with me. This is so hard to believe and convince myself that is actually the case. He tells me now "I don't do that any more", which I know for a fact is not true. Though at this point I really should not care one way or the other, it still hurts.

I live in a rural area and I would need to move to a more populated area in order to spend time at a center for sight impaired, which is not out of the question, but it takes serious motivation to get started. I also have mild COPD and living at 8,000 feet is not optimal. I have been considering moving to sea level. Again, at the age of 69, this just makes me feel exhausted before even beginning the process.