SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Psychology Today reported in February 2022 that the American Psychological Assoc. research found that only 44% of women who have cheated are still married.

I doubt that this information will be that helpful to Yellowdoxie, but the odds certainly are better that 1 out of 11.

[This message edited by 40YOSL at 5:54 AM, Friday, March 6th]

How did the talk/intervention go?

I get it that a lot of the information on this site sounds harsh...
I think that when dealing with infidelity there is very little leeway to give ground on some basic requirements. It’s then a question where the answer can vary situation-by-situation, what’s the best way to get those requirements met.
In some instances, it might require a hard stance, in some maybe a softer stance. The key-issue is IMHO the final outcome.

As an example: As a cop I had to place lot’s of people in lockup. I doubt a single one wanted to spend the next 24 hours in a cell. I could be calm, patient, work with them (within the scope I could) and walk them into the cell, or I could drag them by force and slam the door on them. Basically the same result, but in once scenario the end-goal is reached with minimal risk and effort, in the other it’s brute force. End result the same.

The minimal requirements I would have wanted to see after the "talk" would be that:
Total accountability and openness.
Total accountability moving forwards.
Total NC with OM – including a new gym.
A NC letter to OM.

"44% of women who have cheated are still married"

A cheating wife might stay married for many reasons.

Children, finances, lifestyle, reputation, religion, fear, etc., etc.

But; love?

Perhaps a cheating wife stays in the marriage for love as seldom as 1 out of 11 (9%).

What’s your source, FPP?

Edie,

For the 44%?

I was responding to 40YOSL’s post, a couple above.

Going to get wordy here. I took statistics in college. I can tell you right now using statistics for anything, especially cheating, is useless. Pay no attention to Tolstoy. People make decisions about their marriages for a blue zillion different reasons. Sometimes it’s financial. Sometimes it’s genuine love and forgiveness. Sometimes it’s for the children. It could be 1000 reasons why someone sticks around. Here’s the thing about statistics… I live in the southern part of the United States and my state has several planting time zones. However, the capital is in the middle of the state and that’s where all the news comes from. Every time on TV they talk about the weather they give statistics. They might say our state has 60 inches of rain a year. That makes no sense to a farmer because the farm is the entity that needs the water. The person owning a store in a town 100 miles away cares less about the farmer’s rain. Do they have enough in their town to supply the product they’re selling. Statistics are simple or complicated but you can lie with them as easy as you can breathe. It depends on how the question is ask. How happy are you is a stupid question but it gets ask. In the United States, we were born knowing our rights and one of them we think we have is not written in the constitution. It’s the right to happiness. The problem is we’ve taken it on as a law so that we will jettison wives and husbands and children. We will gamble. We might even steal because it makes us happy. So my suggestion is to lay off the statistics because the two humans in a relationship are not like any other two humans on the planet, nor is their marriage.

[This message edited by Cooley2here at 3:38 PM, Saturday, March 7th]