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Newest Member: chickenchicken

Wayward Side :
He couldn’t forgive me.

Topic is Sleeping.
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hikingout ( member #59504) posted at 1:21 AM on Wednesday, November 15th, 2023

My husband did tell me that 10 months in and we went to in house separation. I respected his decision but we did sit down and I expressed my heart to him. Not in a way to change his mind, though I did hope he would. More as a I didn’t want to leave things unsaid.

It did have mixed results as we had other issues (he had his own affair) but today, 7 years later we are happily married.

The biggest thing I learned on my journey was to let go of the outcome. Remain committed to removing the things impeding on your happiness and self love. Every relationship we have is a reflection of our relationship with ourselves. If we can live and respect ourselves we can give and receive that from others.

Forgiveness is often something that comes slowly but we tend to try to force it because we want to get over it and be happy. The more we force it the harder it is to achieve. It all comes from a deep need to make the pain stop, but often there is no way out only through.

The best thing you can do is support his decision while being committed to your own growth. By being open handed it may allow him space to allow himself to stop pressuring himself. Sometimes there needs to be closure for room for a new beginning to start.

With that said, don’t get lost in hope that he will change his mind, instead commit to continuing to grow and know yourself. Work on your self compassion and self acceptance. This is the way you will find a new beginning. it will be important in future relationships, and if this one has a chance lingering in the air it will allow you to seize that opportunity as well.

I am not advocating that you don’t accept his answer, moreso do not allow it to impede your path forward in becoming the person you really want to be and finding peace in yourself. That is the only way another person will find that compassion, peace,and understanding as well. Keep posting, there is a lot of wisdom in this community.

[This message edited by hikingout at 1:22 AM, Wednesday, November 15th]

7 years of hard work - WS and BS - Reconciled

posts: 7596   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2017   ·   location: Arizona
id 8815173
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BraveSirRobin ( member #69242) posted at 2:28 PM on Tuesday, January 2nd, 2024

Hi LAH. Just checking in to see how you managed during the holidays. Thinking of you.

WW/BW

posts: 3664   ·   registered: Dec. 27th, 2018
id 8820055
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LoneRaven ( member #61770) posted at 1:51 AM on Sunday, January 7th, 2024

I’m a BS and I thought you might want my side. I have stayed but not for the WS. I stayed for the life I was promised before dday. I will never believe in WS the way I did before. I accept things I never would have before because of my babies and the time I get with them. I ignore everything else because it is easier. So if your BS left you really should let them go because it’s there every minute of every day. I’m at almost 10 past dday and nothing has changed for me. I have just started caring more about other parts of my life.

posts: 125   ·   registered: Dec. 10th, 2017
id 8820531
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Ragn3rK1n ( member #84340) posted at 2:50 AM on Tuesday, January 9th, 2024

I'm a BH, long-time lurker and first time poster. This thread and the history of LAH's posts got to me for some reason. I pray for you and your STBXH's healing LAH.

BH (late 40s), fWW (mid 40s), M ~18 years, T ~22 years
DDay was ~15 years ago.
Informally separated for ~2 years and then reconciled and moved on. Have two amazing kiddos now.

posts: 131   ·   registered: Jan. 8th, 2024   ·   location: USA
id 8820695
Topic is Sleeping.
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