SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I wish I could just give you a hug.

You have already received some good advice from others.

It will be a day by day process at times.

I think once you can purge him from the house you will feel so much better!

Oh I could sure use a hug right now.

A purge of some things went today. Mainly his reptiles. One less thing for me to look after. And frankly the boa was scary to feed lol

My FIL and BIL came.

I spent the morning draining tanks then moving them to the sunroom. Moved a 40gal which i didnt think i could. The tank the turtle was in was dripping water. Now I understand why wh was filling it all the time. So I emptied another tank that wh had just sitting so at least he has it. All the filters, lights, heaters, etc went. Took photos of everything I sent. Recorded the entire thing on video and police were parked across the road watching. Told them that they were on video too.

Kids saw them which was good for them. Visit was short but ok.

Dd asked me today if we can rearrange the living room now that the tanks are gone.

I guess she needs a change.

Hi, Dragn, I've followed your story a bit, and I feel relieved for you that you are finally getting away from this manchild.

I know you will be just fine despite all the hurdles you have to go through to get to end of this nightmare. You are strong, you are a great mom, and with the support of your family, you've got this!

One baby step at a time and don't beat yourself if you have a minor setback, it happens to the best of us.

I received a package today from victim services.

Scary to face the reality that I am a victim.

There's a lot of resources available for both myself and the kids. Dd refuses to look at anything. Her school was informed of the situation right away and the counselor has been checking in on her. Dd won't talk to her. She calls me daily on her lunch and texts. She's been having constant anxiety/panic attacks. She isn't eating much. Of course she's been like this since her incident involving police. I have to get her into IC but I don't know if I can force her to go.

DS has been seeing a counselor at school and it seems to be helping. I am so tired but I know I won't sleep.

Dragn, school will be out soon and you can plan some simple activities for the kids and that will help.

By all means change everything around in your house! The furniture arrangement and if you can, grab a couple of gallons of paint and get the kids busy painting rooms. Call it a brightening up event and make it fun.

I don't know how you are fixed for dogs but if you don't have any, go to the shelter and get a new dog that needs a home. Kids love dogs and dogs love kids. Concentrate on new things you CAN obtain and concentrate on changing the old and bringing in the new - even if it's just putting the couch on the other side of the living room. Make it a happy home. You can do that!

Maybe see if your brother can load you and the kids up and go for a short trip, even to sit by a lake and fish and have a picnic -- or climb a mountain.

You are doing well and the paper work won't go on forever. I don't know why but I really don't feel like the H will fight you for the kids because he's going to be enjoying being a kid again, home with Mama and the video games. You have four TREASURES there with those bright kids and they will see you through all of this.

Dragn, if I could give you a hug, I would.

We currently have two dogs at the house. The bulldog and a mix I took from my MIL to help her out. This dog was meant to stay outside and protect the goats. To little to late for that, thanks to coyotes.

She's also still in puppy mode. Very high energy and needs training.

I found my paint samples for the colours I wanted to do the kitchen and living room in. Once I have an idea of what money is coming in I'll work on that.

Dd was quiet this morning. She wouldn't eat breakfast and she didn't make a lunch. She has money on her still, I hope, so hopefully she will buy something at lunch.

Drgn, how much school do your kids have left for the year?
I would encourage you to have your DD, watch youtube vids, and work on training that dog. It can be a very rewarding, and confidence building experience to train an dog.

DS has been seeing a counselor at school and it seems to be helping.

My DS also refused counseling during that stage. However, the school offered a program where they paired kid's up with similar situations but at different stages of the process. Think of it like a mentorship of sorts. They found this to be helpful because kids would usually talk with a peer who has BTDT.

After that point, DS would speak with the school counselor. Baby steps.

IDK if your school or area offers anything like that but thought I would share.

Hi Drgn,

Great idea on freshening up the paint and furniture layout. There's also some inexpensive couch covers on Amazon that you can get- less $$ than buying new furniture, but helps erase the memories of where he slept.

Ever thought of doing a sage cleansing? Blessing by a priest? There are some serious demons that need to get out of there!

Wishing you guys the best. I'm hoping you guys are able to all be together and come together during all this. Sounds like your FIL and BIL are willing to help too, which is good. I know his family isn't all that great, but at least they were there hauling his junk out.

Giving hugs from afar.

I'm so sorry it had to come to this, but I am also so relieved that you're safe and have some breathing room, finally.

The most important step is simply the next one, then the next one after that. It's exhausting, but we just do what we can and need to do. Eventually there will come a time when you suddenly realize things are better or done, and you didn't even notice at first because you're so accustomed to survival mode.

The rollercoaster will keep doing its thing for a while, but there is life on the other side!

Hey Dragn - long time no hear... I am so sorry you're dealing with all of this. But SO glad for you and your sweet kiddos that the divorce is happening. There IS light at the end of the tunnel and I promise it isn't a train. It'll suck for a while - divorce is hard and it sucks even if it's the exact right thing. But it will not suck worse than the suck you have been living with for the last forever. Even if the M hasn't been in good shape for a while, there is still a grieving that happens when you divorce. Rest assured that whatever you're feeling is normal and that it will pass. I knew D was the right call and I didn't want to work things out with mine. but even I still felt the grief over the death of my M.

Hang in there. Once you're clear of this I promise your life will be better than you can even imagine right now. Sending you all the hugs and good juju!!

I have been on the phone all morning. One call after another.

Things are progressing, yet I still have so much to do.

It's mentally exhausting!

I have a stack of notes. Dates, times, do to list for each call made.

It sucks I can't get into details about certain things because I'd love to get advice for specific things happening. Should I do option A or should I do option B. I never should have shared this place with stbxwh!

I managed to eat a sandwich and I'm drinking water. That's a plus.

Even if the M hasn't been in good shape for a while, there is still a grieving that happens when you divorce. Rest assured that whatever you're feeling is normal and that it will pass.

I'm not sad for me that the marriage is over. It's been over for a very long time, all I'm doing is making it official. Wh had done things, horrible things, worse than any of the many infidelities. Things I cannot forgive.

The question I can't answer is why didn't he leave or D me? That bugs me. If he was so unhappy for so long WHY stay? He was miserable every day and made sure I was too. He was cruel. Maybe he got off on it. Maybe he didn't want to be the one in the kids bad books for splitting the family. Maybe he was waiting for me to become so depressed I killed myself so he could move his new family in and go on happily ever after. Lucky for me I refused to leave my children that way! I never will.

Maybe you could message a few members here,that you trust, and ask them specific advice.

Yes I have done that. Was just referring to the think tank that's all of SI.

A few more calls incoming done and now one more thing I can scratch off my list. Yay.

Ever thought of doing a sage cleansing? Blessing by a priest? There are some serious demons that need to get out of there!

This is actually really ironic.

I did a sage cleansing before the incident happened leading to his arrest. Guess it worked eh lol. My mother grows her own sage and had given me a container full.

First off I'm glad to see you are getting out of this M, but sorry for everything you have been put through. Life is so much better on the other side you are going to love it when everything settles.

Maybe he didn't want to be the one in the kids bad books for splitting the family.

I believe this was my XWS reasoning plus I was the one that made him look like an upstanding guy. Sure he was a con man, conned a lot of people with his words, but I know his true nature underneath it all.

My XWS to this day says I am worse than he ever could have been because I tore the family apart by leaving this is the way he frames it. This is what he tells all the people around him and they believe it. What they don't know is how I was mentally and emotionally abused for YEARS. How he ran around on me the entire marriage, gave me a black eye once for talking about his mistress badly, and giving me 2 STDs.

crazyblindsided

I'm so sorry!

I didn't get any stds and I didn't have bruises (that I could see). Thats why I never reported before.

I dont think anyone has seen the side of wh that the kids and I have. He appears to come off as the poor husband who was denied sex and treated like shit when in fact I simply didn't want to get any diseases from all the affairs and NSA sex he was having.

I told him when we only had dd that if he was going to cheat then he was free to D me, even sign off on his parental rights so he didnt have to pay for her. I gave him an out and he cried and begged to stay. I should have just walked away. I was willing to give another chance.

After that I'm realizing that I was so caught up in trying to get hard evidence of continued cheating and keep him from exploding at home that I wasn't strong enough to leave.

I have no choice to be strong enough now.

Oh DragnHeart, I'm both smiling and weeping at your description of why you stayed after you found out. It's so sadly common amongst us BW. Yeah, this is what I still don't get: why the heck don't they just GTFO? :(

Hang in woman. I am pulling for you.

You are doing EVERYTHING the right way. Good for you!