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So where do i begin,
My wife has recently told me she has had a spiritual awakening over the past few months, I knew about this as she was explaining it as it was going on, on top of that she has now got a twin flame. The problem i have is we are good friends with her twin flame! & wife. We have known them for approx. 8yrs. My wife is heavily into playing music live, she has played with this guy now on and off for a few years and they do sound good together to be fair. Ever since she has had this awakening thing she is telling me she has been put on earth to do something truly amazing and nothing is going to stand in her wat to achieve this, she is calling herself a lone wolf now as well. She is being open and honest about everything and no hiding nothing from me. She has just paid quite a lot of money to speak to a twin flame councillor on line.
We have being married for 31 years this year and feel I am loosing everything around me. We have 3 grown up children now, I have explained every thing to them as to what there mom is going through at the moment but are sceptical about it regarding spiritual healings, twin flames etc.
This is killing me inside every waking minute and i don't know what to do about it all. Since she has had her awakening we no longer sleep in the same room as she says she is very sensitive to everything and can pick up on any bad vibes.
Any thoughts/ advice would be good to read.
Thank you

It's difficult to say with any authority what's going on here, but it really does sound like some kind of wacky mid-life crisis. Even if we assume there's no cheating happening, how RUDE is it to be going around claiming your friend's husband as your "spiritual twin flame"?? That's unkind to you *and* to her friend. She's obviously become self-centered to an extreme where the ability to empathize with other people's feelings has abandoned her.

Marriage doesn't preclude individuality and growth, but it doesn't sound like that's what's going on here. It kind of sounds like your wife has kicked you out of the marriage. There's not room for two. 'She's a lone wolf and nothing's going to stand in her way'. I think what it really boils down to is whether or not your marriage is acceptable to you. Not as you wish it, but as it is. If it's not, there's your answer.

Her twin flame's wife does not know nothing of this at all, they have children that are still living at home.

I just don't know what to do.

First things first, the friend needs to know. Heck, if there's something going on, it's possible that the friend might know more about it than she's told you. In most cases of infidelity, we would recommend that you tell without informing your wife first, so that she can't stop your message from getting through, or claim you're crazy, or anything like that. But without any proof of an actual affair, I think betraying your wife's confidence is something that might need some consideration. If she told you these things as a shared secret, I think you owe it to her to go to her first and tell her that if she doesn't come clean with her friend that you'll have to step in and do it for her. It's not right for her to covet her friend's mate in any way, spiritual or no, and then smile in her face like things are fine. There's basic honesty to be considered and she has now made you complicit in hiding the truth. That's not fair to you and you don't have to accept it.

ETA: She needs to have that conversation with her friend while you're present. She can't just have the talk and tell you it's done. Make sure she understands that if she chooses that route, you will be speaking with the friend to make sure she has the actual facts.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 4:27 PM, Tuesday, August 23rd]

I'm sorry but a what a load of crap. "Twin flame"?? "Spiritual awakening"?? "Lone wolf"?? What is she, 15? Those are just fancy terms that all spell C-H-E-A-T-E-R. And what the actual hell is a "twin flame counselor"? Sounds like a new age snake oil salesman to me.

I am so sorry you're dealing with a ww (wayward wife) who is clearly not living in reality - and make no mistake my friend, but she isn't. Unfortunately you can't control her, you can only control YOU. The good news about that is that you CAN decide to deal with reality and to decide if you want to go along with this or not. And whether you've got 31 years or 31 days, you are under no obligation to accommodate this ridiculousness from her.

Hang in there.

"Twin flame" = dropping a deuce. As in a shit sandwich. Your WW is in the midst of a wack mid-life crisis, amplified by what you describe as a sort of free spirit/Hollygolightly personality.

It is what it is. The one truth here is that you cannot control the outcome, so it is futile to try. You can only control you.

What do you want? Would you be truly happy if you were either "flame A" or "flame B" of your WW's "twin flame" scenario? Then go with it.

If you are not happy, politely tell your WW that you want her to pursue her dreams and her wishes as long as they make her happy, but that you are not interested in a marriage in which you must share a wife with another man, you are are vacating her "flame B" position to enable her to find another man who wishes to fill it.

In the meantime, you should absolutely tell the OBW. It's the right, moral thing to do.

Her twin flame's wife does not know nothing of this at all, they have children that are still living at home.

I just don't know what to do.

Come on brother I'm sorry you're here but just the fact that she now calls her "twin flame" someone other than you and that she refuses to sleep with you in the same room indicates your M has become a sham, you need to take decisive action TODAY, you need to EXPOSE this WITHOUT WARNING for maximum impact, as it typically happens, the most likely scenario is that OM will throw your WW under the bus in an effort to save his own M, do it TODAY yourself ! time is of the essence and this is no time to playing around, you need to act decisively, if that doesn't do the trick I suggest you file for D and have her served, again right now you don't have a M so if full exposure and eventually D papers don't shock her back to reality, then nothing will, and if so just let the D process run its course, also don't forget to get tested for STDs just in case.

Sounds like some brain washing cult bullshit.

So is the OM involved and feel the same?

You have to notify the OW. She is being duped just like you.

YOU need to protect yourself. You need to get STD tested, despite what she says, as a lone wolf she is clearly making herself the priority, so you cannot trust what she says.

See an attorney ASAP.

lckjc,

OM has a cute angle to get into your WWs panties, the money your WW is paying for a spiritual guide is likely also going to OM as a finders fee.

You need to speak with the OM wife, he may have done this many times complementing womens' out of their pants by promising to make beautiful music with them.

What is your financial situation relative to the OM and OMW?

The not sleeping with you is major red flag.

Oh yea secure your finances NOW.

Well make sure you keep those bad vibes to yourself as she divorces herself spiritually and emotionally from the marriage and ensure you keep those bills paid, the house maintained and the cars running while her and Twin-Flame make beautiful music together.

My ExWW had a similar "awakening" 25 years into our marriage. We were at what seemed to be the pinnacle of a good marriage, kids older, mutual retirement dreams insight then, I woke up to the dawning of the Age of Aquarius.

Is there anything wrong with this? I believe a good marriage should support self discovery, exploration, new adventures as long as NOTHING spiritual-emotional comes between the union.

If the marriage does get in the way of the new you, you should kindly divorce. Divorce first, then start your journey. Any other path is a form of cheating.

Twin-Flamer seems to have, at least spiritually and emotionally, come between you and your…soulmate? Does your wife consider you her soulmate?

If she does, then you have higher status then Twin Flamer. So rest assured, all is well, according to your local new age cosmic celebrity Love Architect and Intuitive Wellness Guide.

"If you’re looking for long-lasting, committed romantic love, you’ll find that with your soulmate. Unlike twin flames, soulmates are a "reflection of all your great qualities." A romantic soulmate connection is more likely to last long term."

No slippery slope there!

I would state your well founded concerns with her with the promise of divorce if she doesn’t empathize.

Sorry that you are here. There is a Podcast about the Twin Flame "creator" and all the money they’ve taken from people as well as the crazy "advice" they give to people to go find their Twin Flame. It may be worth a listen for you. It does sound like brainwashing when you listen to it. Again, so sorry you are here.

Wth?? Sounds like a lot of bs. Sounds very similar to what my WH said recently before he passed. He claimed he’s on a spiritual journey. Well I come to find out that he was cheating on me with an old crush from his teens, plus she was very much into going to church. I guess that’s when he decides to be spiritual all of a sudden.
Im sorry but she is playing you for a fool. Investigate that.

I am with Ellie. This is a load of cr*p! My husband and I figured out a lot of this garbage is thought up by bored long term prisoners. What else do they have to do.
There are soon to be 8 billion people on this earth. Suppose her twin flame lived in the Gobi Desert over there in Asia? I will bet she would never know which just reaffirms that this is a LOC.
You need to put some heavy boots on. Possibly to leave.
I am so sorry your WW is nuts.

I'm with the nut wagon on this one.

After being married 31 years she has now found her twin flame because they played music together?

I also second the midlife crisis idea.

ok, I don't understand 'twin flame'. I researched it. It sounds like a boyfriend. I don't care to delve further. It sounds like after 31 years, she's into this guy and it's probably deeper than you think.

EllieKmas is right.

This stinks.

Bad.

Get to the bottom of it but she has to come clean. Order a polygraph. Make her go. If she is cheating after 31 years with guitar boy, you know where you stand and you deserve better.

Infidelity doesn't get an excuse after a period of time. In fact, the older, the worse but handle it decisively bro

listen to the others. Reality Blows doesn't post much but when the posts come, it's normally spot on

So which is it? Is she a "twin flame" or a lone wolf. "Lone wolf" is just an excuse to push you away. "Twin flame" is an excuse to keep the OM close.

It looks like "twin flame" is just a new-age version of the same old "soulmates" bullshit that many cheaters fall for. You say that she is being "open and honest" about everything. I doubt that's true. What is she describing? An emotional affair with this OM? That seems to be the minimum. Physical? That's likely. Your W vowed to forsake all others and instead she has forsaken you.

You need to take a deep dive into every record of your wife's activity that you can find. Emails, texts, calendars, photos - all of it. It's likely that she's had an ongoing A for a while. A WS almost never blows up their life like this until they're in a full-blown A.

The unfortunate truth is that it's almost impossible to snap a WS out of a delusion like this without slapping them in the face with reality. Read up on the 180 and execute it. Inform your WW that she can be a "twin flame" and a "lone wolf" or she can be your wife. Those things are not compatible. She needs to go "no contact" with OM and you should inform the OM's W that she has formed an inappropriate attachment to him whether or not it's reciprocal.

Your W wants to live her fantasy life and keep you on the hook to pay for it.

I'm sorry she's doing this to you. Please don't tolerate this kind of abuse.

[This message edited by Seeking2Forgive at 7:34 AM, Saturday, August 27th]

This sounds like OM is feeding this crap to her. I know for sure when my WW was in her A’s, she would have fallen for anything an AP or (TF) would have told her.

All her feelings are amplified, including her negative feelings towards you. These are brain chemicals run amuck. The problem is when reality finally hits, major damage is done. Protect yourself and your finances.

You need to inform his wife and pour cold water on this fire. Sorry you had to find us.

I had the same experience when we were married 25 years. Sadly my H wanted a D, wanted to be doing "cool" things without me and was having a typical and cliched mid life crisis.

He said all kinds of ridiculous things to me, even that if I met the OW I would like her snd we should all be friends.

I realized after 3 months we were going to end up D. I could see it coming.

Funny thing is I was the only one doing anything about it b/c he was waiting around for me to "pull the plug" so he could blame me. Six months after dday1 was dday2 and I was more than happy to pull that rug out from under him.

I’m summary the things the cheater says is pure nonsense to get you to consent to allowing the cheater to cheat😡. I asked my H point blank do you still want to be married snd he was "going to let me know in 90 days". Well 45 days in and I was certain I wasn’t going to be his wife much longer.

Stupidly I accepted that answer.

As a suggestion, you need to start setting boundaries, not allowing her to cheat while living with you, and certainly not being a doormat for her.

Maybe you tell her that you have had an epiphany too. That you have learned that if your spouse is not your first priority but some other guy is, then the marriage is over and she needs to leave.

And then walk away.

Start emotionally detaching.
Get your own bank account.
Stop paying her bills (unless they are joint)
Stop doing favors or errands for her.

It’s called the 180. Yes it’s like turning your back on her. Worth reading up on. That was a game changer for me. 9 years later I still don’t do his laundry.