"SMH"
Read what I'm writing. This has nothing to do with my ExWW.
I simply wanted to express my disappointment without going into the details. I just wanted to vent.
But if it quells this reaching. I walked because I'm very much in love with her, and I cannot "be friends" with someone I'm in love with. That's not fair to me.
It wasn't a game or a tactic. It's for my own sanity and to preserve whatever we had. That doesn't mean I'm not frustrated that she put zero resistance.
It supports my idea that I was likely an exit affair or a temporary rebound.
She started putting up a lot of distance. Cold. Phone tilt. Started talking with ExBF that had deleted her and hiding it. “I don't know how I feel”. Avoiding talking about all of the above.
There was no question of my feelings. One of the last things she said to me was "It's obvious your eyes and heart only hold me".
When we talked about our past, I was very very clear that the one thing that would hurt me the most is what she did. It's perhaps the only weak link in my armor. She shoved sword straight in and twisted.
Should I have stayed "just friends" with her? No. Walking was the last act of kindness and love I could do.
I'm equally frustrated with myself for being so attached. I understand my abandonment issues and anxiety more and more. I probably spend more time self reflecting than a lot of people.
It's a tug of war with my ideal image of her and the conclusions I've come to.
It's frustrating and she was right. My eyes and heart hold only her.
[This message edited by Ganondorf at 6:22 AM, Thursday, December 9th]