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Newest Member: findthebeautywithin

New Beginnings :
Signed up for old and got liked

Topic is Sleeping.
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 Justsomeguy (original poster member #65583) posted at 1:44 AM on Monday, August 31st, 2020

So I broke down and signed up for OLD after my buddy was giving me shit for just sitting at home and having no life. So, I answered the questions with honesty and authenticity. I figured with the crap I've been through, the last thing I need is more untruthfulness. Plus, I think I'm a pretty decent guy if you can get past the age and profile pic.

Well, I've gotten a couple of likes. I know this is not a huge deal for some, but for me, it is exciting. I've let the likers know that I am totally good with just making new friends and having some hopefully stimulating conversations. Wish me luck navigating this "brave new world that has such people in it".

I'm an oulier in my positions.

Me:57 STBXWW:55 DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off and filed. Denied having an affair in court papers.

Divorced

posts: 1865   ·   registered: Jul. 25th, 2018   ·   location: Canada
id 8581074
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Chrysalis123 ( member #27148) posted at 1:57 AM on Monday, August 31st, 2020

Good for you!!

Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver

Just for the record darling, not all positive changes feel positive in the beginning -S C Lourie

posts: 6709   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2010
id 8581078
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Phoenix1 ( member #38928) posted at 2:01 AM on Monday, August 31st, 2020

That's awesome! Have fun!

fBS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Adult Kids
Happily divorced!

You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~

posts: 9059   ·   registered: Apr. 9th, 2013   ·   location: Land of Indifference
id 8581080
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JanaGreen ( member #29341) posted at 2:47 AM on Monday, August 31st, 2020

Aww that's exciting! Good luck!!

posts: 9505   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2010   ·   location: Southeast US
id 8581095
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WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 1:22 PM on Monday, August 31st, 2020

Have fun out there!

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4524   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8581180
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 Justsomeguy (original poster member #65583) posted at 4:08 AM on Tuesday, September 1st, 2020

Okay, so a couple of days in and I think it's not for me. Too much work and too much stuff to process. I'm finding I just want to curl up on the couch with Netflix and a scotch.

I'm an oulier in my positions.

Me:57 STBXWW:55 DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off and filed. Denied having an affair in court papers.

Divorced

posts: 1865   ·   registered: Jul. 25th, 2018   ·   location: Canada
id 8581542
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 6:58 AM on Tuesday, September 1st, 2020

It’s great that you tried—- and maybe now is not quite the right time.

Keep an open mind... how knows, maybe you’ll feel different in a few weeks/months.

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6215   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8581593
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Pizzatheaction ( member #71506) posted at 1:52 PM on Tuesday, September 1st, 2020

Netflix and scotch sounds amazing. Maybe put that on your profile??????

Good for you for getting out there, your friend has good intentions, but I sense you are looking for a more organic way of starting a relationship. Online seems such hard work to me.

Good luck!

posts: 82   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2019   ·   location: United Kingdom
id 8581640
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Alonelyagain ( member #32820) posted at 3:34 PM on Tuesday, September 1st, 2020

I found OLD to be a lot of work and found myself gradually adjusting my profile and approach to the point of achieving some success. I think the upside is the ability to connect with women I would have otherwise never encountered in real life.

When I first joined OLD, the first “likes” gave this BH’s self-esteem a well needed boost. But I’ve since learned that my self-esteem should come from within and not by being validated through “likes” by some random, unknown women on OLD.

Before I joined OLD and before I was ready to date, I joined Meetup which is sort of an online activity board of events that you can sign up for and attend. I did a number of hikes, a football game and whitewater rafting. Because we were sharing an event or common interest, it was very easy to talk to the women participating in the event. There’s a feature on the Meetup site that allows the participants to message each other, and I received a number of messages from women after the event. It’s a more organic way of meeting women and a lot less pressure/work.

Good luck!

[This message edited by Alonelyagain at 11:57 AM, September 1st (Tuesday)]

posts: 416   ·   registered: Jul. 18th, 2011   ·   location: New Jersey
id 8581675
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HappyTree ( member #56916) posted at 5:51 PM on Tuesday, September 1st, 2020

I'm glad you were able to get some likes! It feels good to start with that.

Here is the advice that I have for online dating. First of all, its just like dating in that it takes time to get to know someone. There were some guys that I liked at first, but then as I got to know them better, I could see that we wouldn't work out. Thats fine.

If you don't have good luck with one platform, don't be afraid to try another. I was on Match and it did not work for me at all. Loads of work and it didn't pay off. Then I tried facebook dating, found someone just 2 weeks later and now we are in a serious relationship.

If you ever want me to take a look at your dating profile, I might be able to give you some pointers. I'm already in a committed relationship, so I can give you some good, unbiased feedback.

Married 11 years
D-Day in October 2016
2 kids- 10 and 8

posts: 400   ·   registered: Jan. 15th, 2017   ·   location: Caribou, ME
id 8581731
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BobPar ( member #62993) posted at 6:04 PM on Tuesday, September 1st, 2020

it is exciting.

It is exciting. Reminds me of the line from Notting Hill where Bernie says," Well, you know, anyone saying they want to go out with you is...pretty great... isn't it?!

DDay 1 (AP1) and 2 (AP2) 2015 DDay 3 (AP 3) and 4 (AP4) 2016There was some overlap with 3 and 4)False R 2016Suspect more from exWW

posts: 542   ·   registered: Oct. 9th, 2016   ·   location: MI
id 8581741
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 Justsomeguy (original poster member #65583) posted at 6:05 PM on Tuesday, September 1st, 2020

Thanks everyone for the helpful advice. I really appreciate it.

I'm an oulier in my positions.

Me:57 STBXWW:55 DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off and filed. Denied having an affair in court papers.

Divorced

posts: 1865   ·   registered: Jul. 25th, 2018   ·   location: Canada
id 8581744
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Phoenix1 ( member #38928) posted at 7:55 PM on Tuesday, September 1st, 2020

a couple of days in and I think it's not for me. Too much work and too much stuff to process

That's okay. It's not my cup of tea either.

Enjoy your couch, Netflix, and scotch. Nothing wrong with that either!

fBS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Adult Kids
Happily divorced!

You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~

posts: 9059   ·   registered: Apr. 9th, 2013   ·   location: Land of Indifference
id 8581797
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wildbananas ( member #10552) posted at 8:22 PM on Tuesday, September 1st, 2020

OLD wasn't my thing, either. It stressed me out too much, plus I don't have a thick enough skin for it. I'm okay with that. :smile:

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

posts: 16592   ·   registered: May. 1st, 2006   ·   location: Somewhere
id 8581814
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BetterTimesAhead ( member #70001) posted at 8:32 PM on Tuesday, September 1st, 2020

What is OLD?

Me: BS - 56 Him: WH - 57 DDAY: 2/22/2019 - Three year EA and PA Filed for D 9/2021 - signed the papers 8/2023 - time to rebuild***************An apology without the action to back it up is just manipulation.

posts: 698   ·   registered: Mar. 11th, 2019   ·   location: US
id 8581817
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Chrysalis123 ( member #27148) posted at 9:26 PM on Tuesday, September 1st, 2020

OLD = Online Dating

Too much work and too much stuff to process. I'm finding I just want to curl up on the couch with Netflix and a scotch.

This is how I feel too! And that is OK too.

Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver

Just for the record darling, not all positive changes feel positive in the beginning -S C Lourie

posts: 6709   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2010
id 8581848
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baconeggs ( new member #72563) posted at 10:44 PM on Tuesday, September 1st, 2020

I signed up for OLD a few weeks ago and love it. I normally have a wine or two when swiping and commenting and have lots of fun. I'm telling my married mates that it is cheeper than going to the pub. So far I have been on three dates which did help my self esteem/confidence.

It can be some work sorting your profile and pics but there is a lot of info online .

posts: 15   ·   registered: Jan. 13th, 2020
id 8581873
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99problems ( member #59373) posted at 11:00 PM on Tuesday, September 1st, 2020

I just can't see myself going this route. I can usually sort out the ones I have no interest in before I even go on a date, and I do not have time for dating people I don't like.

But I can't really tell enough about people on social media.

Call me old-fashioned (I am technically a millennial at 40 lol).

Got me a new forum name!<BR />Formerly Idiotmcstupid.<BR />I am divorced, so not as much of an idiot now- 4/15/21,

posts: 1010   ·   registered: Jun. 26th, 2017   ·   location: Somewhere
id 8581879
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 Justsomeguy (original poster member #65583) posted at 11:22 PM on Tuesday, September 1st, 2020

I think this OLD thong is hard for me because I really loved being somebody's husband. I loved being a family man and now I have to be single. Add to this, having ended an on again off again relationship 6 months ago, I find myself just so bloody tired. Yet I am profoundly lonely. I just want some adult interaction. My buddies are married and busy, the meetups here are pretty thin and kinda lame, I'm too gutless to start my own, yadda yadda yadda...

Maybe I just pissed at life handing me this 4 year shit sandwich. Okay, pity fest done.

I'm an oulier in my positions.

Me:57 STBXWW:55 DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off and filed. Denied having an affair in court papers.

Divorced

posts: 1865   ·   registered: Jul. 25th, 2018   ·   location: Canada
id 8581886
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Booyah ( member #60124) posted at 2:46 AM on Wednesday, September 2nd, 2020

Good to see you getting out there.

Have fun and just enjoy the ride!!

posts: 1254   ·   registered: Aug. 11th, 2017
id 8581953
Topic is Sleeping.
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