AdLarue17 (original poster member #84917) posted at 5:07 PM on Tuesday, March 4th, 2025
This morning I picked up my WS phone just to look at his text messages...something I do once in awhile with his blessing. I saw a message that said, "Sorry I was in the shower. I thought you said you would be free of her soon." The number was not stored in his phone and I did not recognize. Additionally, it gave the option to delete and report as junk. When I tell you my stomach dropped, I mean, it DROPPED. I said what the hell is this? He said oh its a spam text, I get them sometimes and I just delete them. And then he calls the number back in front of me and lo and behold, it's a telemarketer. And it is true that I have gotten weird texts like this before and just deleted them. But omg, I was so triggered (I hate that work but it fits). Now I believe him... but I am also like what if????? So what do I do? Just keep cautiously trying to trust him or freak out and spin off into the atmosphere?
BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 5:10 PM on Tuesday, March 4th, 2025
That is a tough one. I don’t have advice, but your reaction sounds 100% normal.
Can you google the number and see if others have reported it as spam? And definitely make sure it is blocked on his phone.
Take extra good care of yourself today — your system is in high alert and that is not healthy.
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
Webbit ( member #84517) posted at 8:46 PM on Tuesday, March 4th, 2025
That would have been awful. God who even sends spam texts like that?! Some people out there are just such shit humans.
My reaction would have been exactly the same.
Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 4:42 PM on Monday, March 10th, 2025
My reaction would have been far worse than yours.
And I'd be doing a very deep dive on that number and checking my past several months phone bills txt/talk logs.
BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades-2 adult children. Multiple DDays w/same LAP until I told OBS 2018- Cease & Desist sent spring 2021 "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"
Formerpeopleperson ( member #85478) posted at 4:46 PM on Monday, March 10th, 2025
I suppose telemarketers have affairs, too.
Be careful.
It’s never too late to live happily ever after
Notsogreatexpectations ( member #85289) posted at 5:00 PM on Monday, March 10th, 2025
There is money to be made selling lists of proven cell phone numbers. This could have been phishing, calculated to catch a horny guy. If you respond to a spam text the spammer now knows that they found a proven number and adds you to the list they sell to scammers and telemarketers.
This0is0Fine ( member #72277) posted at 6:24 PM on Monday, March 10th, 2025
Sorry if I'm about to cause you more anxiety, but I wouldn't drop this so easily...
You can spoof a text message from any number. They might have agreed to use a telemarketer number for one way communication like this. He might only text her back on his computer using his own fake number.
You'd be shocked what people will do to communicate in underground affairs.
One story I remember online had them communicating by changing the title of a shared spotify playlist. Another, draft emails in a shared email account that they never sent.
Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.
Theevent ( new member #85259) posted at 6:37 PM on Monday, March 10th, 2025
I would do a little more digging on that one.
My WW's AP would call using an app that randomized the phone number it's calling from so it is impossible to block, or correlate to previous calls.
Me - BH D-day 4/2024 age 42
Her - WW EA 1/2023, PA 7/2023 - 6/2024, age 40
Married 18 years, 2 teenage children
Trying to reconcile
AdLarue17 (original poster member #84917) posted at 2:35 AM on Tuesday, March 11th, 2025
You all were right. It was more. He had started emailing her again. When I confronted him, he ran away which is his usual MO. I’m done. I deserve better. But my heart bleeds for my girls. They don’t deserve this. I feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest. I’ve been working so hard. Why weren’t we enough??
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 2:53 AM on Tuesday, March 11th, 2025
Wow I am so sorry. That is just evil and the gaslighting, putting you through this again. My heart hurts for you and your girls. It’s not that you weren’t enough it’s that he is a sick person with no empathy and a cold heart. Please take care of yourself and round up a support network of family and friends. Make an appointment with a trauma counselor and a lawyer. I wouldn’t be able to forgive this nor should you. You gave him a gift of R and he blew it. Please show him the door. One day you will be ok, more than ok and you will be able to look back on him as the man that he is. One who is not deserving of someone like you.
fBS/fWS(me):51 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:53 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(21) DS(18)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorced 8/8/24
Heartbrokenwife23 ( member #84019) posted at 4:49 AM on Tuesday, March 11th, 2025
Jeez. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. As I read your initial post in this thread, something didn’t sit right with me about that "spam text"and I thought maybe she’s messaging him from a burner number. As I got further along the thread and noticed your update, it’s probable that’s what happened? From some of your previous posts it sounds like he took this A underground (maybe from the start) and was hoping he wouldn’t get caught. He has some serious, deep-rooted issues … it takes one fucked up person to (continue) such shit behaviour. As if one Dday isn’t awful enough! I am angry and sad for you and your daughter’s. Please know that you all are more than good enough and you deserve nothing but the best. Take some time to figure out your next move.
At the time of the A:Me: BW (34 turned 35) Him: WH (37) Together 13 years; M for 7 ("celebrated" our 8th)
DDay: October 2023; 3 Month PA w/ married coworker
Grieving ( member #79540) posted at 11:32 AM on Tuesday, March 11th, 2025
That level of gaslighting and lying is evil. I’m so sorry.
Husband had six month affair with co-worker. Found out 7/2020. Married 20 years at that point; two teenaged kids. Reconciling.
lessthinking ( member #83887) posted at 2:01 PM on Tuesday, March 11th, 2025
I'm so sorry 
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 3:37 PM on Tuesday, March 11th, 2025
I'm very sorry he did this. I'm glad you found out. Truth often hurts, but it hurts less than living with lies, IMO.
(((AdLarue17))) - a hug if it'll help
[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:38 PM, Tuesday, March 11th]
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
AdLarue17 (original poster member #84917) posted at 4:22 PM on Tuesday, March 11th, 2025
I don’t think I can bear this pain again. It hurts so bad.
Copingmybest ( member #78962) posted at 9:10 PM on Tuesday, March 11th, 2025
I so feel your stress in this matter. Just 2 months out from DDay, my WW and I went on a trip, stayed in a nice cabin by a lake, and while she was in the shower, a text came through that said something to the effect of "Call tonight at 9 pm". I absolutely freaked out. When she came out of the bathroom I immediately asked her about it and it was a group text from a company she sells for talking about a group call with all sales people about the new promotions. Absolutely harmless, but I added years to my age on that one so I know what you are going through. It will get better, hang in there.
SacredSoul33 ( member #83038) posted at 10:02 PM on Tuesday, March 11th, 2025
Oh, man. I'm so sorry. 
Gasping for air while volunteering to give others CPR is not heroic.
Your nervous system will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven.
