My husband did tell me that 10 months in and we went to in house separation. I respected his decision but we did sit down and I expressed my heart to him. Not in a way to change his mind, though I did hope he would. More as a I didn’t want to leave things unsaid.
It did have mixed results as we had other issues (he had his own affair) but today, 7 years later we are happily married.
The biggest thing I learned on my journey was to let go of the outcome. Remain committed to removing the things impeding on your happiness and self love. Every relationship we have is a reflection of our relationship with ourselves. If we can live and respect ourselves we can give and receive that from others.
Forgiveness is often something that comes slowly but we tend to try to force it because we want to get over it and be happy. The more we force it the harder it is to achieve. It all comes from a deep need to make the pain stop, but often there is no way out only through.
The best thing you can do is support his decision while being committed to your own growth. By being open handed it may allow him space to allow himself to stop pressuring himself. Sometimes there needs to be closure for room for a new beginning to start.
With that said, don’t get lost in hope that he will change his mind, instead commit to continuing to grow and know yourself. Work on your self compassion and self acceptance. This is the way you will find a new beginning. it will be important in future relationships, and if this one has a chance lingering in the air it will allow you to seize that opportunity as well.
I am not advocating that you don’t accept his answer, moreso do not allow it to impede your path forward in becoming the person you really want to be and finding peace in yourself. That is the only way another person will find that compassion, peace,and understanding as well. Keep posting, there is a lot of wisdom in this community.
[This message edited by hikingout at 1:22 AM, Wednesday, November 15th]
