It's been exactly 10 years since D-Day for me. A whole decade has passed since the day I discovered my (now ex) husband's LTA. On D-Day, my whole life dissolved in less than a minute. On that day, by pure chance, I stumbled across a thread of sweet, filthy DMs between him and his mistress — a message thread that went back 5+ years — and those messages absolutely destroyed me. When I saw the things they had been saying to each other, I thought I was gonna die. I kinda wanted to die. I fell into a black hole of swirling misery and thought I would never be able to crawl back out.
But you know what? Here I am. Back on top of life in every way.
I confronted him with what I had found, and I gave him 2 whole years to make things right with me, but he never did. Let me say: 2 years was about 18 months too long. My advice: If you're dealing with an unrepentant cheater, do NOT give them 2 years to make up their mind. 6 months ought to be long enough for a cheater to figure out how to apologize and own up to their shit.
I wish I had not married him, and I wish I had filed for divorce sooner after I discovered his affair, but other than that, I have no regrets. I don't regret loving him as fiercely as I did, because I know my love was real. And I don't regret divorcing him, because I know he took my love for granted and he was never sorry for hurting me the way he did.
Life on the other side of infidelity has been a miracle. I love my life now. It's so much better. Truly. I know every marriage is different and there's no one rule that applies to everybody, but I will say this: If you're stuck with an unremorseful cheater, don't be afraid to walk away. Divorcing that person could turn out to be the best thing you ever do.
Wishing peace, hope & love for you all,
Ashes
