SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I wonder whether things like this happen?

Unfortunately that’s my experience.

Dday2 was a nightmare - it can be worse than dday1 IMO. He tells me that afternoon he wants D (yet again). Hours later he backtracks (yet again) except I’ve had enough. I have to put myself first.

Next day he still thinks he’s in control and calling the shots. Meanwhile I did the hard 180, told him I was D him (right after the winter holiday) AND I told him he had to leave.

He was blindsided. But I had no sympathy or any feelings except I needed to escape this roller coaster and start putting me (& kids) first.

He’s now begging to R. I was adamant I would not as I thought we were R the last 7 months but he was still cheating (same OW).

Long story short we did end up happily reconciling. It’s been 13 years and we are happy. He’s changed, I’ve changed and our life together is good.

It took me a solid year to believe he wasn’t going to walk out the door again or kick me to the curb. I financially protected myself which gives me peace of mind.

Does your cheater want to reconcile? Are you afraid they are just words and are self serving right now?

Yes. D usually take some time, so there are times when the D process is stopped.

And there have been a few stories where people D’d and then, down the road, remarried each other.

And often we see that by the time the D goes through, the BS is ready and doesn’t want the WS back, a far cry from how they felt on the day they filed.

So it happens, but it is not common.

Thanks for sharing your experiences!

I feel strongly that we still care about each other and that he’s just in a state of confusion.

He wants to divorce, seems to be quite adamant.

I tried to get him see reason but failed.

I feel exhausted now, but feel like, if I let go, then there is no chance for us anymore.

Sometimes I feel the impulse to just file it.

YouCanHaveThePettyLiar, I don't know a single person who regrets filing for divorce and thinks they did it too soon.

I do, however, know many people in real life and countless on SI who regret allowing themselves to suffer in limbo for years and letting an unremorseful spouse rob them of the one thing they can never get back: Time.

Some WS, like The1stWife's husband, have the "come to Jesus" moment when they see they realize that their BS is serious about D. Others, like my ex, are relieved that the marriage is over and that the BS took the initiative for them. The reason I can almost guarantee that your spouse is like mine and not hers is this:

I feel exhausted now, but feel like, if I let go, then there is no chance for us anymore.

If you already feel like your the only one keeping the marriage afloat and that there's no chance if you decided to file, then that's because you know if your heart that it's over. Your marriage is a corpse and the longer you try to live with it, the more rotten it will get.