SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Based on a Reddit post, I've been wondering for quite some time which is worse.

What if she cheats on me but receives money or gifts in return?

Emotionally, I feel that this is worse, but

rationally, I think it's worse if she spread her legs "for free."

What do you think?

I'll edit: What if she jeopardized your relationship for free.

[This message edited by Shino at 6:10 AM, Friday, January 2nd]

might depend if the exchange was considered a quid pro quo vs they had sex and AP gave gifts without explicit exchange

I find this post very offensive and misogynistic.

A man can be a prostitute.

Receiving gifts does not make one a prostitute.

Pretty sure this is a troll just trying to stir the pot. Can we report it?

WTH kind of incel 💩 is this? Seriously!

Let’s give this new poster the benefit of doubt on the goals for his question. So far no guideline has been broken – but Shino – your question could have been answered in a non-gender biased format. That’s also how I’m going to answer it, because both genders can become sex-workers and couples can be of the same gender.
As a favor – go check the introduction page for this site and the guidelines.

Infidelity is not "simply" your partner having sex with someone else. It’s betrayal, the going behind the back, the stepping out of expected boundaries and rules to a union. Of course, we might have different "levels" of betrayal causing various levels of issues and pain. For example – your self-confessed drunk kissing of someone other than your wife... that IS infidelity, and your partner would be terribly pained to witness or know of it. But it might be "less" than waling in on you having sex with someone else or discovering an ongoing long-term affair.
How pained? Well... we have couples here that have reconciled from multiple affairs, long-term affairs and all that. We also have posters here who have separated/divorced over emotional affairs, ONS, and one because her husband patted a random woman’s behind. Pain can be relative, and each person’s borders are their own.

Being a sex-worker without your partners knowledge... that IS stepping out of the expected boundaries of a union. Just like being a secret assassin or paying for your lifestyle by embezzling your place of work. Career choice, place and type of work... these are all basic factors in what couples should be aware of.

If your spouse came to you and suggested they do sex-work for a couple of years so you two can reach your financial goals quicker... that would be a mutual decision. Just like deciding whether to join a sex-club or having an open marriage. Once the decision is mutual... it’s no longer infidelity per se.

Discovering your partner is secretly working as a sex-worker behind your back... well... I don’t see how that would hurt any less than discovering any other form of infidelity.

Answer your own question: When you were making out with that woman – were you jeopardizing YOUR relationship for free?

Bigger,

No offense, but only a man would even entertain this. It is so extremely offensive that it should violate some guidelines. 🤬

Shino, you have a PM

I don't know what the problem is.

Would you think it's worse if your wife committed infidelity because she got money or gifts out of it?
Or do you think it would be "less harmful"

This issue is on my mind for quite some time now.

I wanted to hear some opinions.

I think that most WS get the gift of validation from their affair. They have sex to receive validation, ego kibbles etc. Sex may or may not be an added benefit depending on the situation but it usually is a benefit too. Emotional support is another layer that happens in some A as well of course. It seems that with women the chance is higher than with men that validation is the number one reason for the A, sex sometimes being a distant second. I do think men crave validation too, btw, but many men likely put more or kinkier sex first.

I don't really think getting validation is prostituting oneself in a technical sense but more than one WW here at SI have used that term to describe their own behavior. "I whored myself out for compliments" as an example.

I have never seen a case where someone literally has an A for money or material gifts but I suppose that has happened too. Does anyone remember a case like that? Does sleeping with your boss count? Because that has happened many times of course.

I wonder if your question is coming from your feeling your partner doesn’t value the relationship?

In my situation, my husband told me that he didn’t feel any romantic emotions at all with six of his affair partners. The 7th one was an emotional affair, and in that case he said that yes, he felt limerence, but it all evaporated on DDay which told him that it was never anything real, but kind of a head game he had going on in his mind.

I told him that his not feeling anything for his APs didn’t really help me feel better, because it made me think he was willing to risk our relationship for nothing of any consequence to him? So basically, he was placing our relationship BELOW something that was meaningless to him - and that makes me think he doesn’t value our marriage at all.

I guess having money enter the conversation makes it a business transaction, not much more - that is if she did "charge a fee" in exchange for sexual acts.

Prostitution is just that - a business transaction in which one person charges a fee for sex acts with another person.

An affair, in which two people may exchange gifts, or in which one person pays for meals or other activities, is not prostitution. An affair is an extramarital relationship with another person that may or may not involve sex. It doesn’t involve pay-to-participate transactions as prostitution would.

In the same way you may purchase gifts for your partner, and maybe a few hours/days later you have sex, an exchange of gifts is not a singular indication of prostitution. Prostitution involves an explicit agreement - you pay x, you get y.

Shino, have you experienced infidelity first hand? The front page of the website says: "All who have been impacted by infidelity are welcome here, even the betraying partner, provided they are remorseful and committed to healing." I think traditionally that means being the WS or BS in a relationship as opposed to a curious person. Perhaps the mods will clarify. Curiosity is valid but there’s a different dynamic when you have been directly involved and I think that’s what this site dedicated to.

The problem is in your wording and the one-sided nature of your post.

It's disrespectful to women, misogynistic. It feels like you're talking about women as things, possibly property.

[Bigger,

No offense, but only a man would even entertain this. It is so extremely offensive that it should violate some guidelines.

X1000

Let’s give this new poster the benefit of doubt on the goals for his question.

Like really? Lets say it's okay to be a misogynistic offensive pig, because hey it was just worded badly.

When you cheated on your wife, did the OW pay you?