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Why don't you demand that your WW's AP inform his wife, because otherwise you will do it yourself?

Because adulterers are by definition liars and the probability he gives his wife the full truth is extremely close to zero. Much more likely he’d concoct a story saying this lunatic who decided to unjustly hate him threatened to make up a story about him having an affair, so be warned if he contacts you.

I fully get your point, gr8ful, but the question is, what exactly is your mission? Either way, she will be alert when her husband brings up such a topic (at least I would be...). Is your concern that she knows about the affair in the first place, or do you want to make absolutely sure that she has all the details? Personally, I just try to stay in my own sphere. It doesn't help me to continue the work of destruction in others.

I wouldn’t recommend initiating any interaction at all with the OM, least of all one that gives him control. Especially not in this instance.
In this situation – based on what the OP has shared – we have a person in an official capacity in the judicial system who is responsible for bringing prisoners from holding cells to their court-dates. As a former police-officer I think I can safely say that this isn’t the apogee of law enforcement careers... It’s not where the hotshots go, but more of a comfortable 9-5. Respectful and necessary work, but basically a clerk in a uniform with little risk of getting shot at.

However, t does give the OM the ability to tell his wife that there is a crazy guy out there trying to get at him with threats of lying about his friendly relationship with that floozy Mrs. TrashPanda who has been hitting on him for weeks. How – out of respect and decency – he’s been talking to about her crazy paranoid husband who is now threatening OM family – therefore the heads up so she can ignore strange phone-calls and crazy messages.

Yep, all three of us are different forms of law enforcement. It would be really easy for him to tell his wife some crazy guy from court is making up all kinds of lies so to ignore or block me.

I hope you tell the other Wife soon. It will make you feel more at peace and give her a a chance to have agency in her life.

I'm really trying to get a phone number, I'm not sure where she works and showing up unannounced at a strangers house doesn't seem like a good idea to me. Plus I have no idea AP's work schedule. Worst case is I have her Facebook and Instagram info. Not sure if I should add first or just send a message.

I am sure there are some very wise people on here who can give you specific ideas on how to get hold of her. If you have good documentation, you honestly could put a package together and hire a courier to deliver it to her....and ONLY her....where she has to sign for receipt. Of course put your number in with letter. I am not sure of this is good idea or not, but it might work. It sounds like you are going to, glad to hear. 💪

[This message edited by WoodThrush2 at 7:45 PM, Friday, November 21st]

I have found a landline that says it is to their address, AP's cell number, another cell number that was previously his (could be hers now), and then another number that was associated with her in the past.

I'm hesitant to call these blindly. If they get a missed call on their home number and AP sees it first, my concern if he's suspicious of the number he doesn't recognize, I'm willing to bet he could find out they're mine and then try to get ahead of it.

I'm willing to bet he could find out they're mine and then try to get ahead of it.

Burner phones are cheap, or use a google number.