SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hey guys!
Most of you won’t remember me I was here 8 years ago and then got scared off by some aggressive truth tellers and by my own emotions too scared to deal with the consequences of my own actions so here’s a recap-
8 years ago while my husband was away on work I had a drunk affair and ruined my life and my marriage (shocker). I told my husband the next day when I was sober and sh*t hit the fan. Reality set in and life turned upside down. We were gonna make it work were we not? It was HARD. Lots of ups and downs between then and now. But guess what! 8 years later here we are HAPPY and in LOVE!! We made it through. We’re obsessed with each other most days (yuck!) I can breathe I have forgiven myself and life has progressed forward. We have our little tiffs but we never let it overcome. So for you guys still in the beginning of the turmoil I offer some inside information that I wish I knew when I was in the heat of it all
Everyone on here is on a different path their relationship is not yours. While the insight is nice it’s not going to work out the same for everyone. Be resourceful but remorseful
Therapy is not for everyone and not everyone can afford it lord knows I couldn’t. I did self help books yoga and self care. Painting your toes and eye masks while sitting with your thoughts can go along way.
You HAVE to forgive yourself. Even if rekindling is not an option, self forgiveness is important. You won’t get anywhere with your partner or moving forward if you don’t heal yourself while helping them heal in the process. Ask for forgiveness while giving it internally at the same time.
You also don’t need to shout your mistakes to the world to self punish. If they’re not openly talking about it you don’t need to either. It won’t make you feel better and now you have more pressure on the relationship while fixing it then you can handle while potentially cause them embarrassment. This is of course different for everyone. If the betrayed wants to shout it from the roof tops they are allowed to because you screwed up they didn’t.
Lastly and a lot won’t like this, life goes on!! You work it out or you don’t either way you keep breathing you keep living and you don’t choose the same choice twice (hopefully). Lessons were learned.
We were one of the lucky ones. We got through it and im sorry to say this to some stuck in the pain right now but we don’t have to talk about it or bring it up every single day. That’s for the past. I recognize I respect and I respond when I need to but I don’t re-live a painful day over and over again because It didn’t work for us to do so!! I asked for forgiveness and I also forgave. Hang in their guys were are not the victims by any means but the over bearing weight should not be felt for the rest of your lives either. Maybe I’ll have a different outlook in another 8 years who knows!

Congratulations!!! We must have arrived around the same time, but that time is a blur to me.

I agree you can be introspective without therapy, most of my work was done outside of therapy. It’s a great resource if you can afford it and I still always recommend it but you can self evaluate if you make the effort and time.

Self compassion is the key, you have to stop navel gazing and simply strive towards the person you need to be.

I too am reconciled and we are also kinda obsessed with each other. Thanks for sharing!!!

[This message edited by hikingout at 5:58 PM, Monday, June 2nd]

Congrats Whyamisoawful! Can you talk more about the process of self-forgiveness? For you, what is the difference between forgiveness and giving yourself a pass?

Painting your toes and eye masks while sitting with your thoughts can go along way.

Love this! The "sitting with your thoughts" part is key, isn't it? Painting your toes doesn't do much on its own, but as a meditative tool, it's great !