Some thoughts on shame, self-pity and love that I collected a while ago and have in a notes file. I don't even know where they came from. Probably a bible study group I was in during the pandemic, it looks like language they used.
Shame wants you to stay focused on yourself and mired down in self pity, self loathing, self hatred.
Attributes of Self-Pity:
Self-pity takes the stance of a victim and stays there.
Self-pity places blame on others (and sometimes on itself when it doesn't need to be done).
Self-pity doesn't want true help; it just wants attention.
Self-pity needs to be convinced and has a very hard time trusting.
Self-pity tries to make others feel guilty.
Self-pity tries to control others by trying to make them feel like they should reach out.
Self-pity has a reason why they are different than anybody else and why they can't overcome,
Self-pity has a downcast countenance.
Self-pity wants to appear small (meaning "minimize its seeming impact").
Love wants you to know yourself and be kind, gentle and compassionate with yourself, to think well of yourself and have high expectations for yourself. Love wants you to see your faults and failures clearly so you can understand what happened and heal the underlying problem, whether it is fear of the opinion of others or a lack of understanding of your worth or whatever.
Love wants you to feel whole and tov so that you can turn outward from yourself and minister to others. Not denying yourself but grounding yourself so that you have help to offer.
