Hi KarmaCat, I don't have direct experience with this, so take my comments as not informed by experience but offered with thoughtfulness and sympathy for both of you.
I think that if he is asking for it, it is a good idea to agree, but to also be very clear about how you feel: you want to be with him, you are working on understanding yourself so that you can repair the issues led to your infidelity, and that you will continue to do that while you are apart. The main issue for me in being physically separated from my husband (even now, though obviously much less) is that there is no information to go on, and you can start imagining what the other person is thinking and feeling. He might do that about you, you might do that about him (or perhaps he just wants to clear his mind?) Anyway, make sure that when he does think about what you want and what you are doing to get there, he has real info instead of letting fear drive what he thinks is going on with you.
My husband and I didn't physically separate, but he did emotionally withdraw (without saying what he was doing - I don't think he knew himself). It was a long time - two years. That was extremely hard for me, because at the beginning of our post-infidelity reconciliation, he encouraged me to lean on him. He was perhaps the most understanding and sympathetic BS ever - he set aside his needs to deal almost exclusively with mine. He prioritized what I needed to heal. When I finally barfed up the last of the trickle truth, he had enough and withdrew. I was so confused at the beginning - where was my rock? Where was my helper and guide? I had leaned so hard on his good opinion to feel self worth, that when it was gone, I had very little to stand on. During that time, I got my feet under me and I developed the capacity to function well without his continual support (I heavily studied Christianity and prayed, basically all day every day. I also took a sabbatical and worked with young children for a year in very difficult circumstances, and that kept my mind super busy with important and pressing issues, like how the heck to get Ethan to sleep during nap time!). I think that showed him I was trustworthy with emotions and gave his space to be vulnerable, because he didn't have to be so constantly worried about my reaction to whatever he was dealing with. After two years, he said there was a moment when he saw me through new eyes. He saw me through the eyes of someone deeply attracted. Things weren't perfect after that, but they got better, and keep getting better. It was hard and very much worth it.
Take care of yourself KarmaCat. I will add you to my prayer list, if you would like.
