SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I recently found out my BF cheated 9 months ago

we were only 3 months or so into our relationship

He was drinking and using drugs

it was 1 time thing that he says he regrets

What makes it worse is that his brother had been sleeping with this women as well!

I have only found out because his brother new GF was mad at him and contacted me to let me know as she had a vendetta.

BF has admitted he never would have told me other wise

Since then it has been TT all the way

I am still finding info out now

He keeps playing the card he thought we were over - we had had a row the day before and the next night hes with someone else

he didnt manage to have full intercourse as he was too messed up but both had oral sex

My Bf keeps throwing back at me he thought we were over like its some excuse to behave like this

He is doing some work but doesnt seem to see the importance of full disclosure and how simple things like getting the dates wrong are dragging me back to the start over and over

this is making me so ill and i have such rage

Im thinking its best to walk away - he says he loves me ad is sorry and has told me all the delightful details Ive asked but I have had to drag them out slowly

he has said its because hes ashamed to talk about it

I just feel so lost as to what to do anymore

He doesn't seem to think about any of the consequences to his actions

is there any point in bothering when we are not even a year together

I also spoke to the AP and she said it wasnt even her and she only met my BF once- but i believe she is lying

[This message edited by BSBUGABOO at 8:27 PM, Wednesday, April 16th]

Welcome to SI and I'm sorry that you're here. There are some posts pinned to the top of the forum that we encourage new members to read, as well as some that have bull's eye icons. (They were recently bumped, so should be on the first page.) The Healing Library is at the top of the site and has a lot of great information.

If it were me, I would consider ending the relationship. Dating is trying to find the person who is going to be your long-term mate, and it sounds like he's failed.

Please see your doctor and get tested for STDs/STIs if you haven't already. There are some nasty diseases out there that can turn into cancer. Also, if you're having trouble with anxiety or sleeping, ask for meds.

If you can, IC (individual counseling) with a betrayal trauma specialist can help you work through your feelings. The anger? Totally justified and totally normal. It can take 2-5 years to heal from infidelity, and then even longer if you decide to work on the relationship.

You'll get more advice as more people check in. One thing that we say is to take what you need and leave the rest.

Welcome to SI. Very sorry you have found the need to be here. Take care of you. Drugs and alcohol are no excuse for cheating. Read in the healing library.

Your WBF needs to own his behavior. Trickle truth is the worst. He is totally only concerned with himself. He is giving you nothing to work with at this point. To be truly remorseful requires humility and empathy for the pain he caused you. He is not showing the traits you deserve in a relationship.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:27 AM, Thursday, April 17th]

He’s a real catch (sarcasm here).

He "thought you were over" so he gets drunk, uses drugs and sleeps with another woman.

I’d say that’s three strikes. He’s out!

I think you can do better and should move on.

Agree with The1stWife this is pretty clear cut.

Relative to the folks on here you're lucky, you found out early and are in a very uncomplicated situation. I am certain you can do better than this guy.