Bruce123 (original poster member #85782) posted at 4:50 PM on Friday, March 28th, 2025
I wrack my brains often with this question and I always end up with various different conclusions, but I’d like to hear others opinions on this.
The AP’s lies. I made a very foolish mistake in contacting my H’s AP in the early days a couple of weeks before the polygraph.
She implied she’d had PIV with my H, she couldn’t remember if she’d had PIV on the night I’d questioned as she was too drunk to remember, she’d had oral with him twice, she was in a ‘situationship’ with him and lots of other things to make it look like she had something with him. At the time of her messaging me this information I was taking my son’s to a medical appointment and was reading and had to hold everything in, I couldn’t let my boys see, this absolutely traumatised me.
H begged, pleaded and was desperately trying to tell me this was not true and it was just a few kisses but I didn’t believe him, nearly two weeks I believed my H had done all the things she told me until he took a polygraph and proved hadn’t. To say I was confused was an understatement, I didn’t speak a word all the way home in the car, I just couldn’t comprehend what on earth she wanted or why. Why? Why lie? Why did she tell all those lies when this was 3 years ago and she’s now engaged? It makes no sense.
I’ve read a few times on SI that it’s recommended not to contact AP, I’ve also read online that it’s not recommended either is this because of the lying?
So my question is why do AP’s lie? Especially when there’s no reason to. Has anyone else experienced AP lies before?
SacredSoul33 ( member #83038) posted at 5:03 PM on Friday, March 28th, 2025
Could be a lot of different things:
She's telling the truth and your H is really good at passing polygraphs.
She's lying because she's mad at your H and wants to make his life as difficult as possible.
She's lying because she's a chaos goblin.
She's lying because she's playing the victim. ("too drunk to remember PIV")
D. All of the above!
Gasping for air while volunteering to give others CPR is not heroic.
Your nervous system will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven.
TheEnd ( member #72213) posted at 5:32 PM on Friday, March 28th, 2025
APs are known to be jealous of the BS. After all, you have him and she wants him.
They might lie to hurt you. You were in (and in her mind won) a competition you didn't sign up for but she did. She wants to knock you down a peg.
Or, she has hate in her heart for him and wanted to wreck his life.
hikingout ( member #59504) posted at 6:20 PM on Friday, March 28th, 2025
Because she hoped you would dump him and send him running to her is my number one guess.
Number two guess is she wanted to hurt you directly for existing.
7 years of hard work - WS and BS - Reconciled
Heartbrokenwife23 ( member #84019) posted at 6:28 PM on Friday, March 28th, 2025
I think most AP’s consider it some sort of (sick, fucked up) game. They are determined to win and be number 1 … no matter the cost.
Once they find out there was never a chance of them pulling off 1st place, they will stomp, pout, and wreck havoc to those who got in their way from claiming victory. (Let’s be real, they were never even in the running for a participant ribbon).
The bottom line, AP’s have some serious, deep rooted, fucking issues.
At the time of the A:Me: BW (34 turned 35) Him: WH (37) Together 13 years; M for 7 ("celebrated" our 8th)
DDay: October 2023; 3 Month PA w/ married coworker
Justsomeguy ( member #65583) posted at 6:39 PM on Friday, March 28th, 2025
People lie. It's what many do. The real issue is that your H willingly invited this crazy into your life. Now he needs to move heaven and earth. Make him come up with a plan.
I'm an oulier in my positions.
Me:57 STBXWW:55 DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off and filed. Denied having an affair in court papers.
Divorced
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 6:48 PM on Friday, March 28th, 2025
If a WS can lie why wouldn't an A partner lie too?
Many have an agenda they may want to hurt the BS or the WS.
They are broken just like the WS.
fBS/fWS(me):51 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:53 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(21) DS(18)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorced 8/8/24
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 12:47 PM on Saturday, March 29th, 2025
She’s hoping you kick him to the curb so he will go running to her.
Plus all of the points made by SacredSoul33.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 11 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
