Hello torturedpoet, how did it all go for you? I hope you survived the Christmas and New Year holidays, never a good time for this kind of decision.
I can empathize so much when you said about his job schedule and him putting it first. Same happened here, and in my WH's case, his job had been like that when we married, and to top that, he had left his family and country of origin just so he could do this very type of work, which offered him opportunities to perform at a world level that his home country never would have done. His family had accepted his decision 11 years before we married and they flew here for our wedding, but I could tell they were never comfortable with me as an American once I made it clear that my goals in life did not include emigrating to their country some fine day and making grand-babies...
And 4 years on, he cheated on a road trip. I found out 8 months later and for a whole year we worked in MC to see if there was any way he would be able to keep his position yet not need to travel. Finally, his boss very reluctantly agreed to let him stay home most of the time for a couple years, then it was crunch time and the boss issued him an ultimatum: either go back with the travelling team or find another job. He never would do that for me, so of course he caved and went back on the road. I asked him if it came down to the marriage or the job, which would he pick. I'm sure you can imagine his answer, and I guess it made sense because we were never going to recover from the betrayal he wreaked on what I thought started as a good marriage.
He told me if he wanted to, he could cheat without even leaving town and of course I realized that. But the build-up to every trip every month and what that did to my mood and trauma reactions, and how I handled suddenly being "single" again one week of every month with a cheater was an intolerable option.
Long story short, 12 years after D-Day 1 he did it again: hired an escort right here in our little country town, on my BIRTHDAY yet, while I ran to the post office to get my auntie's birthday card! (Except the whore he handed the cash to in the local motel room was actually an undercover police officer and he got hauled to jail!)
Many people over the years told me the same thing: if he is going to cheat again, he can find a way. You have to be okay with allowing him his job, as it's his identity. Yes, I heard that from several well-meaning folks. But I just wasn't.
So I'm wondering how things have gone for you? Better, I hope.
