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I am just so tired and done with it all. I want to curl into a ball and cry. I seem to get blamed for every little thing that goes wrong after the A was exposed (no remorse, no apologies).

1) People next door sold their house to a developer who is building a huge 4-plex next to our little house - all my fault because I didn’t want to sell and move 20 years ago.

2) His cell phone lost and says I threw it out on purpose - later found in my sisters couch where he dropped it.

3) Folder with all the receipts from an insurance claim, says I must have thrown it out with the recycling papers and gave me 2 days silent treatment - he found it in the garage where he took it to read

4) Tore bedroom apart looking for his long underwear and couldn’t find them - I found them on the top shelf of his closet with a pile of ball caps and jeans after he cleaned out the dresser in the spring, says I must have put them there as he would never do that. I don’t touch his f—-king crap except to fold the laundry

5) Says he hates this city since we moved here in 1980 - never bothered him back then as reason moving here was to get away from a place he probably screwed half the women in the area we lived in

So sick of this bullshit.

OMG woman, how can you change the channel somehow? What a toxic a##hole to spew this kind of crap at you all the time! This is abuse, can you contact an attorney like, tomorrow?

You deserve so much better!!! He is going to suck the life out of you.

Do you have a plan to leave or somehow minimize contact with him?

Just because he tries to throw the blame your way doesn't mean you have to catch it.

This sounds like a freaking insolent teenager. What's next - did you feed his homework to the dog?

My heart goes out to you and it’s good that you can vent here.

To answer your question does any one else get blamed for everything….yes during the first few months in our R. Though the blame was mainly on me as I was the cause of his affair according to my fWH. I was the boring one, the one who f* up our marriage. Six years later he has changed his tune.

My husband and I share your age bracket. What I noticed is that he is way more forgetful now than six years ago. I think this comes along with age.
However, unlike you he does not blame me for his forgetfulness. He does get angry with himself.

He seems to be acting out HIS frustrations on you. I think you know that he is the one with problems not you. Should you remain quiet and not challenge him on this sort of behaviour, it will continue ad nauseum.

From my experience, I need to challenge my husband’s crappy behaviour when it happens. Being quiet and let it slide away does not work with him nor does it work for us.

I would ask you to change whatever you are doing or not doing because status quo no longer works for your well being and peace of mind. Seek professional advice for example in health and legal areas.

He most likely may not change, so it’s up to you.

Godspeed.
.

You deserve better. You are not the problem, but you just can't sit back and take this day in and day out. Your voice must be heard and you need to talk to him about this behavior. Easier said than done I know, but he's making your life miserable. He needs to look in the mirror because the problem is him. I am sorry you're going through this. No one should treat their spouse like this.

Fractured, I didn't pick up on the age bracket, which we are in as well; I agree with Notaboringwife who mentioned increased forgetfulness. As some people's short term memory loss increases, they tend to "externalize" their problem and blame the world or other people, since it is too frightening to themselves to admit they are losing their marbles! Especially if they already have a personality disorder like Narcissism.

But your WH has got to stop with this blame game. If you can convince him to see a medical professional - and you be sure to go with him - maybe they can run some tests, but if he is anything like my WH, it ain't gonna happen. When my WH sees his doctor, it's always "fine. No problems." He either hides his issues well, or else he only malfunctions mentally around ME! Drives me nuts. Maybe he is actually trying to drive me nuts, I often wonder.

Anyway, at 66 years old, my WH has been losing some cognitive abilities, because I don't remember him being this big a rude dude with his inability to hold his tongue, constantly going around like he's the only living being in the house, cutting me off mid-sentence to change subjects with no warning, talking about guys he knows with the same first name and using only their first names with no reference for me to know which of the guys he's talking about, and worst, his almost total inability to actually "hear" what I'm saying, even though we both have some level of hearing loss. But if my WH turned to such nasty accusations as you are getting, I'd be thinking Alzheimers, or something.

Was your WH always like this and it's just ramping up?

Vent away.

Do you want more comments? Or do you just want to vent?

[This message edited by SI Staff at 4:44 PM, Friday, November 22nd]

Ex Wh blamed me (reference to buzz lightyear movie) "for every cat up a tree"

I cannot begin to describe the peace I have without him in my life. I am finally free of infidelity and abuse.

Thanks all for hearing me out. Yes it is demeaning and abusive treatment. I feel he is punishing me for not letting him communicate with the "love of his life" and "best friend" who by the way he had not bothered with for 43 years. I felt the whole time he was texting her it was liking being with a 14 year old who was not going to let me be the "boss of him telling him what to do". He more or less said this.

Superesse and notaboringwife - I think he is losing some cognitive abilities due his age. Same with hearing loss. He refuses to tell his doctor any issues so that is pointless. He is rude to people all the time if they don’t agree with him, especially on political issues. He has alienated my family for their political choices but if someone in his family votes for the same party it’s okay because they are "different"???? WTF? Definitely a narcissist also as he often delights in telling everyone that he gets compliments all the time about looking young for his age or that he couldn’t possibly be 73. He is not going to change but I really need to find my voice and challenge him when he starts the bullshit. His answer to arguments or confrontation is to deny and run away.

Zebra25, Chaos, lost1313, sisoon, and Shehawk - thanks for listening to me vent and for your comments. I need to stand up for myself more, either confront him when he starts or just walk away. I definitely don’t deserve this shitty treatment or be blamed for things I didn’t do or have no control over. He sucks.

Sounds like a worse case scenario at your end. I am sorry to hear how it is. Your need to stand up and not take his abuse is technically a correct response however, as someone who has been engaged in defending my boundaries against this kind of spousal treatment, and never seeing an end in sight nor any improvement, gotta tell you: it is a major grind and it has cost me my physical health, now. My heart literally cannot take the constant fight-or-flight of "should I stay or should I go?" ANY LONGER. I am 73. Please make some self-protective move away from this situation. It doesn't sound hopeful, to be honest. Read what Shehawk went through.

My H blamed me for ALL of his unhappiness in his life and used that as a reason or excuse for his affair.

My unhappiness w/ his career - my fault.

His unhappiness at not meeting some of his goals - my fault.

His regret about only having 1 other girlfriend before we met and married - my fault.

He now recognizes and admits he was selfish during his affair but it certainly hurt me to hear all of this.

My suggestion when he blames you for losing things or not agreeing with him - just smile and walk away. Do not respond. Do not help him search. Do not try to support him to prove you didn’t take it or move it or know about it etc

You are better off limiting the amount of energy and interaction during these unpleasant and unpredictable encounters. Walk away if you can.

Try to get him to a doctor to see if he has dementia or some type of disease that may be causing some of this behavior.

Aha!

So you’re the one responsible for war in the Ukraine and climate change! I was wondering who it was. Agree totally with the1stWife. This is a habit he has for blaming you when he’s frustrated or angry at life. Do not invest time or emotions in his blathering. As best you can ignore, smile and walk away. Sorry you are dealing with this. As someone older than you both and married 50+ years, I realize how infuriating this behavior would be.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 1:21 AM, Sunday, November 24th]