SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi from July my partner and fiance of 8 years got very distant.

I was on the forum years ago when my ex husband cheated twice and it was a god send

So J my partner who i am so in. love with all of a sudden did a complete 360 turn around he does fifo he had hugged me and the kids and said he would see us in a few weeks then became super into tarot on instagram going to the gym every day for an hour or two. Wouldn’t return my calls very very distant.

Then rang me said he loves me but isn’t in love with me and me and the kids are a weight on him and ended it via FaceTime. Nearly 3 weeks ago. We have been devastated and I’ve done NC.

Last night I saw a lady had loved a post on fb one of his best friends wives friends.

Then I was on tik tok looking at his sons new car and saw ex had liked it too. He had told me months ago he had deleted the app. I clicked on it and it appears that he formed a new account. Only 4 people added his 2 adult sons (not mine) this woman and her older daughter

I just feel my thoughts are confirmed I have no proof and I know it’s over as he doesn’t love me anymore apparently. He was a father figure to my kids for 8 years. We are so damaged. Does this seem Suspicious?

[This message edited by lolitalola at 6:22 AM, Monday, October 21st]

Does this seem suspicious? Yes, it does. It's difficult to know from the timing if he has slept with her before or after ending things with you, but it wouldn't surprise me. You may wish to get tested for STDs/STIs just to be on the safe side. There are some nasty diseases out there.

Then, it sounds like you and your children could do with some IC or family therapy.

ETA: read some older posts. He's a serial cheater and has cheated on you several times. He's not going to change. Please take care of your children and yourself.

[This message edited by leafields at 6:50 AM, Monday, October 21st]

Hi no it was my first husband that cheated
This is my second partner and fiance id the last 8 years

He's told you it is over. Heed his words and spend your time/effort/energy on your and your children's healing and moving on. Stop following him on any social media platforms. Delete his number. He's gone. Treat him as such.

It doesn't seem this way now, but you dodged a bullet.

And yes, to be safe, get tested for STD/STI. Get IC for yourself/children to help mourn the loss.

I'm sorry you are here.

You've made several posts about your partner possibly cheating. Does it sound like he's cheating? Absolutely. The big question should be why you doubt your gut so much when it's screaming for you to drop the dead weight and run!
Work on your boundaries. Even if he wasn't cheating, it's always smart to end a relationship when someone is untrustworthy.
He did you a favor by taking the trash out for you!

Your 7 last messages, over 3 threads and starting back in 2017 have been about actions from this man and possible cheating.
Now... I don’t know if he’s cheating or not. I don’t know if he ended this relationship with you before crossing some line with a possible other woman. What I do know however is that for a very long time you have been concerned, and there have been issues in your relationship with this man.

I want to address THAT from a couple of points:
In my instance the past infidelity I experienced nearly ruined my present marriage. When we talk about reconciliation after infidelity the key person to reconcile is US – the betrayed partner. It is SO IMPORTANT that we deal with whatever scars and cuts the infidelity leaves us with – including the very common deduction that since our last partner cheated then every partner cheats.
Not saying he didn’t cheat... maybe he did – maybe he didn’t.

Then there is the what to me – a trained investigator – is akin to reading chicken-bones or goats innards. All the Tik-Tok, Instagram, changed-after-shave, he says, friends wife drove a green car or whatever "indicators" you have that he is cheating. I recognize all this behavior from my own darkest hours. When I was 100% certain that my wife working overtime equated to an affair, or that because she bought a new blouse it had to be for the personal trainer, or that because she replied to a male former schoolmate that lives across the country she had to be having an affair...
Nothing you share screams out at me "infidelity", although a lot screams "issues in the relationship".

Like... After 8 years and NOW he tells you he cant cope with the kids?
Friend – I suggest you go light a candle to thank whatever power removed this man from your life. If he holds your kids that he has known of from day 1 as a reason to end the relationship... this is not relationship material.

One big reason I pretend to understand where you are is because I think I was there myself... Get help – like therapy – to deal with the infidelity scars you are (probably) battling with. For me it took like 4-6 sessions and I was free of the PTSD and had great (and still working) coping tools to help me.

He’s shown you exactly who he is.

He’s not man enough to have a real conversation and I think you need to accept the relationship between you and him is over.

Mature adults face their feelings and talk about them openly. If he didn’t love you or want to be in a relationship — it’s sad to be the person that is on the other side of the fence and he may not have ended it in the best way but you, unfortunately, need to accept it.

I think you have to look at your future and say — you don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. It may take awhile to get there, but you should be working on helping your kids through this transition too.

I suggest some professional advice for you. It will help you.

You'll never really know if your ex-Finance started his new relationship before or after he broke up with you. There are those that don't find the guts to break up someone until they have a new candidate for their significant other. Personally, I consider that scoping of options pre breakup just as bad as dating another, but most do not. In the end, right now it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if he started with this new woman before breaking up; doesn't matter if he was just considering this new woman before breaking up, It doesn't matter if this woman is just a friend. He broke up with you. You need to mourn the loss of a relationship you weren't prepared to give up. I feel for you and your kids, but you're not fully NC when you are stalking him in social media. Block him, his friends, and family. You need to distance yourself from his world so that you'll stop picking at your scabs. Take the time to heal and focus on being the best you you can. You and your kids deserved better, but you can't change that.