SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Last time was in 2018 and now just caught her again. This time trying to push for an open marriage and pleading with me to let her keep her bf and have an open marriage and said she wanted us both. Dunno I'm most and blind sided bybthe begging and the pleading. I keep telling her no absolutely no bit she keeps begging me to let her have her cake and eat it aswell. Saying she won't delete him but won't let me leave the marriage. I'm at my witts end woth this. And I know what the answer probably is. Dunno I just needed to vent to someone no.else to talk to about this 😪 😔

She’s a serial cheater. She has no remorse and is only concerned for what she might lose. It’s time to make her AP’s problem. You don’t need her permission to divorce.

Hi there, Sweetguy.

I am so sorry to hear your story. It sounds like you value monogamy and fidelity and your WW simply does not. She doesn't seem to respect you and she has some serious character issues. Can you help me understand why you accept such open and blatant disrespect? Why don't you think you deserve basic decency?

I think maybe you don't respect you either and that is such a shame. Can you share more about your story and how you got here? What I am going to say next sounds trite, but please understand that it is not. You need to start therapy ASAP. You need to find out why you accept mistreatment and how to place boundaries in your life, not just for your wayward wife, but other people around you. If you have insurance, you may be surprised to know that many cover mental health/therapy.

I also think you need time to process this information without her whispering her manipulation in your ear. Ask her to leave the house so that you can decide how you would like to move forward.

This is not okay and you don't deserve it, but unfortunately unless you take some action, you are going to remain in this terrible situation. I know these steps are scary, that is why I recommend starting therapy because that support is key as you navigate your way out of this situation. Keep posting here and please do not share this site with your wayward wife, as she can use the information and advice we give you to manipulate you.

Welcome.

Very sorry you have reason to return. I see from your past posts that your WW cheated with someone from Facebook in years prior to 2018 and you moved, and then again she cheated in 2018. You describe your WW with anxiety and depression issues, but that is no excuse for cheating. You and your children have been through enough. It sounds like she needs therapy with crying and begging to cheat on you. Always value yourself. At this time she is not a trustworthy partner. Be there for your children. Take care of your health. See an attorney to learn your rights. And implement a hard 180 to give yourself some mental space to figure out your next move. Good luck.

Last time I wanted it to work for our family I wanted to fix the busses. I grew up in a broken home was determined not to let that happen for our children. But at first she left filed for devorce for the other guy and then it came crashing down o her after 2 months when he never helped her. As she was a home wife. She relied on me to pay for bills. After we lost house and car. We slowly got bacl together of the next few months open phones and passwords for next few years led mybguard down I guess until recently when she started talking to some.she met. Someone who gave her time and attention and tells me it's the issue and it Is my fault probably because I work 60 to 80 hours a week and do come home tired and don't wanna do things unless.its my day off. Do I need to give her more time yes. But I would also like for her to plan our time together on my day off. I don't know if I am wrong in that I probably am. But this time as far as walking away how do I walk away from 20 years so easily. And she will never get an yes from.me. on her other person she tells me she not deciding but i told.her by not choosing our marriage and us she already choosing

Saying she won't delete him but won't let me leave the marriage.

She doesn't get to choose if you leave the marriage or not.

Totally unrepentant cheater, so you gotta let her go.

Last time I wanted it to work for our family I wanted to fix the busses. I grew up in a broken home was determined not to let that happen for our children.

I hear you, that is noble. You are willing to eat a shit sandwich so that your kids won't grow up in a broken home. I totally understand that sentiment. In fact, that was one of my reasons too. Anyone with kids will tell you that they listen to nothing you say but watch EVERYTHING you do. I have always tried to model decision-making, conflict resolution, kindness, etc for my children. At some point it clicked and I realized I was modeling dysfunction. My XWH was modeling alcoholism and lying. The home was already broken and it was getting more and more broken as we continued to limp along in our shitty excuse of a marriage. I started therapy and I found the strength and modeled how to overcome adversity to my children. I am really proud of that.

I think you have been taking care of her so long, its like part of your dna and you are having a hard time separating yourself from that. I think she knows that and is using it against you.

But at first she left filed for devorce for the other guy and then it came crashing down o her after 2 months when he never helped her. As she was a home wife. She relied on me to pay for bills. After we lost house and car. We slowly got bacl together of the next few months open phones and passwords for next few years led mybguard down

After the first betrayal, she faced no real consequences. Sure you had her password, but that didn't stop her from doing it again. In fact, what she learned from that situation is that she can betray, disrespect and violate you and you will just take it. The reconciliation process involves radical changes to the wayward and most waywards aren't up to it. Homegirl needs to get a job and you need to start thinking about your life without her.

You don't deserve this. Life is too fucking short to endure this level of disrespect long-term.

And she will never get an yes from.me.

She clearly doesn’t need you to agree to anything. She’s just going to continue to cheat. This guy, the next guy, whoever gives her a little validation.

She’s blaming you for breaking the vows she made. Think about that. If you were actually able to control her behavior wouldn’t you make her be faithful?

Visit the healing library here and check out the simplified 180. You need to get some emotional distance from her crazy so you can make rational decisions to get yourself out of infidelity.

Just imagine the horror of sitting at home with the kids knowing she is with OM