lessthinking (original poster member #83887) posted at 7:10 PM on Tuesday, July 30th, 2024
Did any of you who decided to leave do so because the desire never returned?
Things are going as well as possible/capable of reconciliation. I dream of being intimate sexually and of non-sexual intimacy touch with WH, and I WANT to WANT to be. It's not translating to actual desire, just staying on the level of dreaming, wanting to want(hope this makes sense). I feel sad the desire is limited to romanticizing and not translating. Yes, we are dating, exploring, holding hands, hugging, and massage. I never desire more physically when we are doing these things. I'm usually relieved when the hug is over that there is no pressure to go further as an example.
I know every situation is different.
I know there is no standard time frame.
I realize one year post DDay is "early days".
I'm looking for responses of personal experiences.
Did you find it translated to desire ever? Even after deciding to end things?
How long did you wait if all else was going well to decide to leave?
Is this mindset I'm in expected? Is this a green flag to just be patient? Red Flag?
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 7:57 PM on Tuesday, July 30th, 2024
In my situation, I had PTSD symptoms. If XWH even touched my hand and I wasn't ready, I would jump - noticeably. I asked him to ask me if he could touch me first. It took about 9 months before I wasn't jumping out of my skin when he touched me.
We did some hysterical bonding, but I would say that my desire never really came back. But, that didn't factor into my decision to D. My hard boundary was that there was to be no more inappropriate sexual contact with anybody and he crossed the line. So, after about 18 months of trying to decide on D/R, I chose me and went for D.
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 8:25 PM on Tuesday, July 30th, 2024
The lack of intimacy and desire was one of many factors why I left. I left due to my xWS's personality disorder and the way he treated me post all his A's. The multiple A's also killed the M. We too had hysterical bonding for a few months but after that I couldn't stand for him to touch me and the desire never returned. We never really had true intimacy in our M due to his personality disorder.
fBS/fWS(me):51 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:53 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(21) DS(18)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorced 8/8/24
AnnieOakley ( member #13332) posted at 7:22 AM on Friday, August 2nd, 2024
My minimal tag line is the short version, my profile is the much longer version. I divorced because it was no longer fair to either of us. It was a deal breaker. I still sometimes have fleeting moments of regret, did I really give it my all to R…no, I did not. I know that with 100% certainty, but I was so broken, I had nothing to give.
Me= BSHim=xWH (did the work & became the man I always thought he was, but it was too late)M=23+,T=27+dday=7/06, 8/09 (pics at a work function), 11/09 VAR, 6/12 Sep'd, 10/14 Divorced."If you are going through hell, keep going."
