Topic is Sleeping.
Painful23 (original poster new member #84708) posted at 1:46 AM on Thursday, June 20th, 2024
So I finally told one friend that I can trust my whole sorted story. She knows me well enough that she suspected something major was going on. Especially with this huge dramatic weight loss. I think this was good for me. I think. Was anyone sorry they confided to a friend?
I am strong, I am smart, I am brave, I am worthy
Marie82 ( new member #84924) posted at 1:52 AM on Thursday, June 20th, 2024
I have only told one person about my current situation, but I regret telling friends about past issues in my marriage which is part of why I haven’t told anyone else what’s going on with me now.
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 2:40 AM on Thursday, June 20th, 2024
No not at all.
I honestly wish I had asked for help before it was confirmed and didn't isolate.
Isolation makes this way worse. Yes some people will pull away. Because they don't understand and fear it's contagious. Those aren't true friends.
Use those close friends to be a sounding board and to be there for support. Real friends will be there and won't judge.
However if they continue to encourage you to leave no matter what your partner is doing to make amends consider that person's life experiences. If they come from a home that had infidelity or have experienced it themselves then listen. Cautiously.
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 2:42 AM on Thursday, June 20th, 2024
Yes, and for me it was a life saver.. I only told people who I knew would support me no matter what I did. I didn't tell my family until I had decided to D b/c there was no turning back with them. It is helpful to have a person to speak with - friend, pastor, IC, whomever - that you can speak freely. Also, people close to you are noticing. They want to help. For those you trust, let them.
I am glad you feel supported by your friend.
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 5:34 AM on Thursday, June 20th, 2024
No, I was never sorry for confiding in my friends. They were there to help and support me. Lean on those who can help you. They love you and want to help.
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 12:15 AM on Sunday, June 23rd, 2024
No, I never regret talking to trusted friends. I think it is important to survive this trauma. You will be surprised what has happened in the lives of friends that you didn’t know.
Revenger ( member #80445) posted at 6:44 PM on Monday, June 24th, 2024
I did, and it was what I needed at the time, but now I fully regret it. The friends turned out to be judgmental, and one even blabbed about my situation to get ahead in her career (long story). So essentially, I set myself up to be betrayed again.
If I were to do it again, I would only tell friends when I decided to D. Now I'm in R and I'm complicit in covering up my H's infidelity.
Married to an SA
Many DDays after discovering many, many EAs/PAs Working on R
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 6:55 PM on Monday, June 24th, 2024
I have never regret telling family and friends. They were a huge support to me and too bad for my xWS I wasn't going to protect him after what he did to me.
fBS/fWS(me):51 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:53 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(21) DS(18)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorced 8/8/24
NoThanksForTheMemories ( member #83278) posted at 12:25 AM on Tuesday, June 25th, 2024
I've told a few trusted friends who would support me no matter what I decided and who had known me and WS for decades. None of these friends are people we socialize with regularly as a couple or a family, so there hasn't been any awkwardness. I haven't told family because we have several close by, and we *do* see them a lot, and it would all be too awkward and someone might say something in front of our kid, which is my nightmare scenario, so unless I choose to D, they will not know.
I have zero regrets about telling friends. It's been a huge relief to have conversations where I don't have to watch what I'm saying.
WH had a 3 yr EA+PA. Dday1 Nov '22. Dday4 Sep '23. 30 years together. Staying for the teenager. Allowing space for R without commitment.
Topic is Sleeping.
