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Newest Member: findthebeautywithin

Off Topic :
Elderly parents - long

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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 1:10 PM on Thursday, October 17th, 2024

Glad you were able to connect with the SW. Not sure where you are or what the rules are but I would imagine there's a Nurse Care Manager or someone similar to assist with planning and connecting you to resources.
Here in the US discharge planning starts on day of admission and identifying issues from the get go.
Yes some of the cognitive test are difficult one I absolutely would not be able to do is to count backwards by 7's.

Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 20298   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8851304
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 SackOfSorry (original poster member #83195) posted at 5:28 PM on Thursday, October 17th, 2024

Yes, they are talking about connecting us to whatever services she would need. They've already given her a bunch of pamphlets on home food delivery companies, for eg.

However, I still think she needs some kind of assisted living. Am investigating retirement homes where it's like your own apartment but they provide meals, assistance with bathing, housekeeping and laundry, etc. It's super expensive but I think if we sell the house, she can swing it for a few years maybe, and then at her age, I imagine we'd be looking at long term care for sure by then.

Me - BW
DDay - May 4, 2013

And nothing's quite as sure as change. (The Mamas and the Papas)

posts: 168   ·   registered: Apr. 11th, 2023
id 8851319
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 SackOfSorry (original poster member #83195) posted at 8:04 PM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2024

My mom is still in the hospital. It's been 8 weeks.

She was given permission on Nov 7 to half-weight bear on that leg. They have her walking a bit with a walker. Physio continues daily, and they are working on both arms and both legs.

She has had the moca dementia test, and I'm shocked to say she scored better than I thought she would although the result indicates mild cognitive impairment. They recommend at her score that she stops driving. She had already given up her license.

Ok, great, it's mild. But it's a score and I think we all know that a score doesn't tell an entire story. I still find her extremely repetitive, and extremely forgetful. I realize she doesn't have a lot going on right now so there's not much to tell me, but she tells me the exact same stories every time I'm there. One day she told me the same story twice within 2 hours. She argues with me about what's going on medically. For instance, I was there on the 7th when they took her for xrays on her leg, and the surgeon came up and gave her permission to half-weight bear. She argued with me yesterday that she hadn't seen him since she first came into the hospital. On the 14th, they took her for a chest xray because her feet are swelling a lot. She argued with me that she went for a chest xray, not a leg xray. Yes, mom, you had a chest xray on the 14th, you had a leg xray on the 7th ... They put her on Metamucil a few weeks ago, daily. She told me yesterday that she had it for the first time yesterday morning even though she's told me previously she's had it in the past few weeks. This is not someone who can keep her medication straight on her own.

I thought I had made some progress on the assisted living front. She seemed somewhat agreeable. I guess she's forgotten that, and is now saying she wants to try it at home. My brother and I were just saying to each other that it takes at least a staff of 4, that staff being me, my brother, his girlfriend, and mom's friend, to keep her in her house and just why does she think we're her staff? I commented to my brother that I'd like to visit mom, just visit mom and not have to work at her house. He said that's exactly how he feels. Mom has commented to me that perhaps she'll need a wheelchair when she goes home. Maybe she will but how exactly is that going to get her upstairs? How exactly is she going to get through her little goat paths of her hoard? Not a real logical thinker, that one.

Her next leg xray is the 28th. That one may lead to a move to the more intensive physio rehab still in the hospital. She told me yesterday that she thought when she fell she'd be in the ER for an hour, can't believe she's been in the hospital for 7 weeks (had to then tell her it's been 8).

I just don't know how to get through to her that she is not mentally capable despite her testing score or physically capable to live on her own. The hospital is still clear on their mandate to return her "to her community." No one seems to care when I tell them that her house needs to be condemned. They are so focused on all of the wonderful services that can help her stay in her home. They say I can't force her to go into assisted care. Yes, I have medical POA but I would have to hire an expensive, independent assessment person to have them declare her incapable to enforce it. I just want my mother to agree on her own.

One nurse at the hospital did advise trying to talk my mom into a trial run at assisted living. Put it to her as a couple of months further rehab/care after leaving the hospital. She said that then quite a few patients realize it's not a bad place to be, and come to love it. She said that a lot of patients are completely unrealistic about how much the nurses are doing for them in the hospital. And mom is completely unrealistic about how much my brother and I and her friend were doing for her at her house.

Me - BW
DDay - May 4, 2013

And nothing's quite as sure as change. (The Mamas and the Papas)

posts: 168   ·   registered: Apr. 11th, 2023
id 8854276
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EvenKeel ( member #24210) posted at 1:46 PM on Thursday, November 21st, 2024

Put it to her as a couple of months further rehab/care after leaving the hospital. She said that then quite a few patients realize it's not a bad place to be, and come to love it. She said that a lot of patients are completely unrealistic about how much the nurses are doing for them in the hospital.

They just did that with my x-mil. She was doing so well at the facility that her family thought maybe she was good enough to return home.

It did not take to long to realize that she was doing so good at the facility BECAUSE there were folks there to help with everything (meals, meds, activities, care, etc).

Now she is back home and struggling (and lonely). However, the battle to get her to go back started all over again.

I know you are trying (and trying) to get everyone onboard because it does sounds like some sort of assisted care would be ideal for her. I am sending you good mojo on getting all that aligned for her.

posts: 6935   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2009   ·   location: Pennsylvania
id 8854388
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