As a WW I feel like I do not deserve to ask help/questions etc.
With the very first line of your post, I can kind of see why your communication with your husband might go poorly and he accuses you of throwing a pity party. Asking for help in the General forum is scary; I totally get that and I commend you for pushing through your fear and doing it anyway.
But by prefacing your question with "I feel like I don't deserve to ask for help..." it seems as if you're fishing for comfort and sympathy.
So my first bit of advice is to cut it out with the self deprecation. As you've already observed, all it does is piss your husband off. For example, instead of saying "I feel like I don't deserve to ask for help..." you could say, for example, "I'm afraid to ask for help because of my past actions and lies."
The former phrasing communicates shame and self-pity; the latter communicates remorse and accountability.
If I suggest we get a divorce as I will be happy without having a whore as a wife, then he says I want to run away and not face the consequences.
Why do you want to reconcile?
If it's just because your husband accuses you of not wanting to "face the consequences," then he's wrong about that... divorce is a consequence. You'll still need to put in the work to heal yourself and grow as a person whether or not you remain married to him.
Also, you shouldn't stay married as a form of lifelong penance for your sins.
I answered BS questions (this caused more issues as in my mind I told him the worst (that I had sex with AP) I confirmed the when where how etc. more than 10 years later (after visiting the forum) I gave him the full timeline - now he doesn't believe me - this I get and understand.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but if you only provided him with a complete timeline after >10 years, then it actually hasn't been 13 years since Dday. Each new discovery sets the BS's course of healing back to Day 0. So, in your mind, this process has been going on for over a decade, but for your husband, it's relatively recent. Therefore, it's understandable why he still doesn't believe you. It took over 10 years for you to come completely clean... he's probably worried that another shoe will drop 10 years from now.
BS is expecting something from me - and I do not know what. He tells me I do not do anything. The admit quilt, the empathy, and sympathy (all the to do as per the healing library) are not working - When I ask him what he expects of me, then he can not answer. (as he doesn't know himself)
You're not being very specific about what you have done, but just based on this description, it sounds like a lot of talking. What you need to realize is that your words mean absolutely nothing. I get that's hard, especially when you're telling the truth and getting shot down each time. But the only thing that will rebuild your husband's trust is consistent alignment between words and actions over time.
Most importantly, your husband is not going to have all the answers and the ones he has might not be the correct ones. But just being proactive and demonstrating your commitment to trying new things, whether they succeed or fail, is part of the process of expressing your commitment to the marriage and to his healing.
It just feels like he expects me to erase the past - if that was possible.
Any advise please
That ultimately may be what he wants and expects, unrealistic though it may be. If so, then you might need to do the kindest and most compassionate thing for him, which is to take the initiative, file for divorce, and give him as a clean and amicable a break as possible.
[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 2:29 PM, Wednesday, March 13th]