Obviously any wayward activity is showing a huge amount of disrespect to BS. I'm not questioning that, however, I've been reflecting on the post d-day lack of respect.
In the case of my emotional affair d-day 2017. BS asked me to go NC. I pretended I had done this, but stopping text messages, phone calls and most e-mails. However, the affair was still ongoing as we worked together and NC broken by conversations in the office. I even gave AP a heads up that BS has asked for NC, so could she please not phone or text me! In addition to this I also gave her a heads up when it came to the end of the affair phone call. I made this call in front of BS, but had told AP that it was going to happen. Showing both huge disrespect to BS and our false R but also still showing AP more respect that she deserved.
I did this in a physical affair too. I told BS that I would spend a couple of days on my own, thinking about what I had done and ultimately what I wanted to do. I said I would stay one my own and make no contact with AP. I did not do this, before heading out I passed by the office when AP worked and told her what was going on. Giving her more respect than I was to my BS.
Is this something that you WS's or you found out as a BS your WS did? It took me too long to get my head out of my ass (or fog?) to see this. I'm curious to find out why other WSs felt the need to protect AP or not to upset them?
I certainly feel there was self protection going on. I had not been honest with BS over the affair and the breach of NC. I did not want AP to drop me in it, however I was still in the affair too, so I was protecting AP, not wanting to upset her with an "out of the blue" conversation. I'm trying to dig further into this as I have until now not dug deep enough into my WTF was I thinking. So there is more to it than I have considered until now.
EVERY aspect of my infidelity is/was disrespectful. During the affairs and after. In everything I've done, I have protected them over BS. Keeping secrets and delaying coming clean. Not throwing them under the bus. All choices I made after a number of d-days, times when focus should have been on BS and our relationship. Times I should have been trying to build a connection with BS and end the affairs, I was still focussed on APs.
Edited to add some clarity. My point on respecting and protecting APs is not limited to only the emotional affair of 2017. EVERY aspect of infidelity I've shown a lack of compassion and a lack of respect to my BS. To add insult to injury, I was showing my APs respect they did not deserve. I'm trying to work out why I chose to do this, rather than the decent thing.
[This message edited by Bulcy at 9:01 PM, Tuesday, February 27th]
WH (50's)
Multiple sexual, emotional and online affairs. Financial infidelity and emotional abuse. Physical abuse and intimidation.
D-days 2003, 2017, multiple d-days and TT through 2018 to 2023. 28 years of destructive and health damaging choice