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General :
It's hard to make love under a yellow sky

Topic is Sleeping.
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 cannibal (original poster member #40560) posted at 8:19 AM on Wednesday, February 7th, 2024

It's hard not to say I love you when we talk on the phone.

It's hard not to kiss you when I leave.

It's hard not to yell at you for the pain you put me through once again.

It's hard not to try and beat AP's ass.

It's hard not knowing where you're at.

It's hard to sleep with these thoughts running through my brain.

I thought we were married.

I thought you valued our vows.

I quit watching, or I would have caught it earlier.

It's just so tiring to watch.

I believe the first time was in March.

Right before our trip to Tennessee.

I think I saw the signs but dismissed them as depression.

I know the pill problem never stopped either.

Most of the help you did for your niece and the girls was paid for with pain pills.

Do you know how tiring it is to have to worry that your wife is going to steal money to buy pills.

The lies are what hurt.

The gas lighting with you never stopped.

Then you wondered why I had troubles in the bedroom.

It's because I knew the sky was blue even though you told me it was yellow.

It's hard to make love under a yellow sky.

[This message edited by cannibal at 9:54 AM, Wednesday, February 7th]

Me: BS 45 Her: WS 45 dss: 25 deceased 02/15/23D-day: 06/06/04. OnsD-day: 02/28/13. length of A: 4+ monthsSeperation after ddayMoved back in 6/20/13Broke n/c: 07/24/13D-day: 01/08/24Seperated after dday looking into divorce

posts: 97   ·   registered: Sep. 5th, 2013   ·   location: Home of the Derby
id 8823753
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SacredSoul33 ( member #83038) posted at 3:10 PM on Wednesday, February 7th, 2024

Beautiful, cannibal. I'm so sorry for your pain.

Remove the "I want you to like me" sticker from your forehead and place it on the mirror, where it belongs. ~ Susan Jeffers

Your nervous system will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven.

posts: 1544   ·   registered: Mar. 10th, 2023
id 8823773
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 5:09 PM on Thursday, February 8th, 2024

And it's really hard to respond in words to something that captures the BS experience so well....

On one hand, I fear that few responses mean that too few people have read this. OTOH, it's so powerful, that not responding is the best way to honor it.

Thanks for sharing.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 30400   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8823888
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annb ( member #22386) posted at 9:05 PM on Thursday, February 8th, 2024

I'm sorry, cannibal, you will get through this like all of us did, a bit bruised and scarred, but you will make it to the other side.

posts: 12200   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 8823917
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BallofAnxiety ( member #82853) posted at 9:36 PM on Thursday, February 8th, 2024

I quit watching, or I would have caught it earlier.

It's just so tiring to watch.


I relate to almost all of this, but these particular lines really stood out to me. As well as the last one, of course.

Thanks so much for sharing!

Me: BW. XWH: ONS 2006; DDay 12/2022 "it was only online," trickle truth until 1/2023 - "it was 1 year+ affair with MCOW." Divorced 4/2024.

posts: 149   ·   registered: Feb. 8th, 2023   ·   location: USA
id 8823921
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InkHulk ( member #80400) posted at 10:56 PM on Thursday, February 8th, 2024

Sisoon’s point is well taken about honoring this. But I’ll risk honoring it with words. Original poetry is such a powerful medium, so appropriate for this topic, and you are a hell of a poet. Thank you for sharing your art with us.

People are more important than the relationships they are in.

posts: 2426   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2022
id 8823930
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 12:28 AM on Friday, February 9th, 2024

That is powerful. Thanks for sharing.

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6192   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8823941
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luvedmypbear ( member #25690) posted at 5:18 AM on Friday, February 9th, 2024

You are a talented writer and this is a powerful testament to the betrayed.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful and moving words with us.
You courage has inspired me to continue writing and sharing as I process my feelings and honor them.

I am grateful to you.

luvedmypbear didn’t care what you thought. She knew she was a badass.

posts: 1132   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2009
id 8823959
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Copingmybest ( member #78962) posted at 11:08 AM on Friday, February 9th, 2024

❤️

Nuff said.

posts: 316   ·   registered: Jun. 16th, 2021   ·   location: Midwest
id 8823961
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Adolfo ( member #79193) posted at 11:13 PM on Friday, February 9th, 2024

cannibal

It's hard not knowing where you're at.


In reality, we all knew where they were at, making it all the more upsetting.. You completely capture the essence of the situation.

posts: 141   ·   registered: Jul. 28th, 2021   ·   location: NC
id 8824149
Topic is Sleeping.
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