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Hi, just wanted to ask the BSes here if they can give me some advices on how to manage or handle when WH would like to hang out with is friends/co-workers (all male).

Since DDay (JULY), WH just started hanging out with his co-workers/friends maybe 2 months ago. He does let me know and asked my permission if it is okay with me & he agreed to turn on his tracker. He sometimes video call me too if I do get triggers while he is out just to reassure me.

However, since last week, I find that there is always a "last minute" get together. First, he said it was a birthday party and that's okay with me since I dropped him off to the venue & nothing to be suspicious about. Second, it was yesterday when he said it was a last minute baskbetball game and I said NO because I made plans already. Take note, he doesn't usually hang out during weekdays due to work but this time he is willing to stay up late eventhough his work starts at 4AM and lastly today, he asked me if he can hang out with the same coworkers/friends because a friend of his did not get the position they promised to him at work and needed to just vent out/rant out.

I just told him today its up to him but he needs to turn on his tracker.

My thing is, when he was having his A, he always used his coworker friends as an alibi so he can go out with the OW & everytime he does this now, I get triggered. He knows that but he does the work to reassure me that nothing is going on.

I know for a fact I cannot stop my WH to be with his friends but how do I handle this in a way to rebuild the trust slowly?
I'm trying not to panic right now and trying not to have some intrusive thoughts.

Any advice is greatly appreciated or even if letting me know that I am not crazy to think this way. 😔

After D-Day, my WH stopped hanging out with co-workers. He also basically stopped traveling, and when he did, initially I went with him observing many colleagues crossing boundaries.

Then he found a new job, and when he traveled, he ordered room service to his room or picked up something for himself.

He never waivered.

After YEARS of rebuilding trust, he did OCCASIONALLY meet with MALE co-workers for lunch, never for drinks or evening events.

After D-Day, My WH started hanging out with friends of the family, males, to watch a game together or maybe get together for am coffee.

Your D-Day was only six months ago, your husband should be focusing on the marriage, and not going out with co-workers IMO. I would not trust him at this point, sorry to be so blunt.

because a friend of his did not get the position they promised to him at work and needed to just vent out/rant out.

^^^Nope, I wouldn't trust this at all. Friend is a grown man, he can deal with it.

All of my WW cheating was around "Girls nights out", after Dday there we no more GNO. They can get their spouses and we can go together. After a few years she has gone out with some trusted girlfriends, but right after Dday, no way!!

This seems very fishy, I rarely do anything that my W isn’t invited to, maybe twice a year. You should look a little closer what it going on.

I agree no more boys night out! I thought my husband needed this and he also used it asan excuse and was encouraged by his pervert friends!

Perhaps I'm old fashioned, but even if there isn't a woman involved, hanging out for all hours of the night with his bros and impromptu get-togethers every week without you is not appropriate behavior for a married person.

Don't tip-toe around him and don't treat him like a teenager by telling him to ask permission or put on tracking, just tell hm bluntly that if he wants to come and go as he pleases and essentially live like a single person, then he's free to do so... just not as your husband.

But if his goal is win back your trust and remain married to you, then he should be using all his copious amounts of free time to focus on you and rebuilding your relationship. It's not your job to track him as if he were a teenager; he should recognize that his behavior is causing you anxiety and change it accordingly.

[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 8:42 PM, Thursday, February 1st]