I dont blame you for my pain. Im sorry I sounded cross in an earlier post to you.
I really empathize with your situation, just like I do with My ex wife. She did a horrible thing to me and our marriage. I dont think she is a bad person overall. Its hard to think of yourself as the villain in someones story. I would look at things from a different view. Imagine your child was the victim of infidelity and their spouse wanted help to restore trust in your child. What would you recommend? How could they repair their relationship with you and your husband?
You suffer from the pain of throwing something away that you now want to keep> (your marriage)
You have damaged something that you now cherish (your husband)
You have shame over what you have done.
My exwife has to live with the image that her children, whom she would literally die for, now view her differently. Its the hardest part of reconciliation is having to accept that the person you cared so much for, that you felt cared so much for you, was able to cast you aside for another so easily.
You have to wonder who you were who could do all this and you may promise that you would never do it again, but you were capable of doing it once, so why not twice?
I believe good people can do bad things, and bad things dont have to erase good things. We are human, we make mistake and we learn from them.
I think its very noble to want to help your husband. He is obviously hurting still. He could be stubborn and want you to do all the work for him, but that isnt fair to you, or him. Let him see that you care about him.
If he work in an office and wears a suit, get the suit dry cleaned and pressed. Tell him that you are so proud to call him your husband that you are going to make sure he looks his best. If he is more blue collar and you are able, make him lunch and bring it to him. Maybe leave a sexy note or some undergarment that might get his attention in the lunchbox. Make him coffee in the morning or breakfast in bed once a week.
You didnt appreciate him before but that you want him to see it now.
He doesnt have to believe you, He likely wont. You can tell him that you understand why, but that you want to do this anyway. You may find that doing things like this may make him want to invest in healing himself. He may also want to help heal you. You obviously hurt, not just by your own actions but by his too. Its not a smooth ride to recovery. Lots of hills and valleys, sharp turns and rough roads.
Again. My ex wife and I did not reconcile. I can tell you that these actions would have meant alot to me. We may try dating each other again but that is as far as things will ever go. I wont entrust my heart to her. I will never tell her I am in love with her. (I do love her as a person and as a mother) She would have to be okay with that. Im not sure that many spouses, especially women, would be okay with never hearing "I love you" from their spouse.
I hope that you find a path to happiness with your husband.