SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

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[This message edited by mommabear1010 at 8:43 PM, Wednesday, December 13th]

Highly improper. Take her to the doctor AND to a child psychologist and DOCUMENT. Also contact your attorney and ask for guidance about visitation until this is resolved. Above all, BELIEVE YOUR CHILD. '

I'm sorry she (and you) are dealing with this. Good luck.

[This message edited by Jeaniegirl at 1:51 PM, Wednesday, December 13th]

Today,call your attorney. Today,take her to her doctor, and tell the doctor what she said. Today.

Have a conversation with her. Tell her that if anyone ever touches her down there, it's ok to tell you. Nothing bad will happen because she tells. No matter who it is. Whether it's dad,uncle,grandpa,grandma,etc. That you want her to tell you. That you will always,always believe her.

I'm so sorry. For whatever reason, he did this. She's not lying.

Thank you all for your responses. I will do this today. I’m just sick upset because I trust her 100% and I know this was not right.

Sending you strength and hugs.

What a brave and articulate little girl you have.

Go with your gut on this. If it feels wrong take appropriate action to protect your child.

Having said that, I am a Dad of two young girls 6&8. I would regularly bathe them and use my hands to lather up the shower gel and wash them. I was always careful to never use my fingers and it never felt inappropriate to me, but now reading this maybe it was?

Trying to wash their hair and not get shampoo in their eyes is another story. Lots of fury and tears when I inevitably got it in their eyes.

@Jajay I appreciate your response. My issue here is I do think it was inappropriate for him to use hands directly on the private areas.

Second point of issue, when I texted him about this he denied it.

Third point of issues this morning I asked her does he do this every bath time or just this weekend and she said "every, he doesn’t have wash cloths"

This wasn't normal,bath time washing. Not if you could see redness,or whatever this appeared to be..

looked like being too rough with toilet paper.

Add in that he denied doing it at all.

He's lying. It was beyond inappropriate.

Also,at 6, she shouldn't need help cleaning herself in the tub. Unless there is a reason?

I am sorry you are going through this!

It does perplex me. Lets assume this is strictly innocent. Just washing, with or without a cloth would not cause direct irritation to these areas. Is it possible she is allergic to the soap at his place? I say this because I am having an issue with soap right now and it makes those areas feel like they are on fire somedays!

I would take her to the drs, they are trained on what to look for. Unfortunately, I was down this road with one of my children. Turned out they were just having a normal irritation (lots of things can cause that) but they were able to rule out any sort of abuse.

I agree with taking her to the Dr.

I’ll just add that my youngest daughter would often get red and irritated in her private parts and backside. Especially after a day at nursery. I actually raised to my STBXWW that we should check for abuse at the nursery. Anyway, it turned out that it was due to forgetting to wipe or doing it badly. We solved it with more wiping lessons and a shower to clean followed by slathering on healing cream.

I’m not trying to defend your xWH. I really hope it isn’t what is suspected and there’s an innocent explanation. Because it’s the last thing you and your child needs after infidelity trauma. Sending prayers.

Devil's advocate: It could be irritation from the soap, and the redness could be from her scratching.

His lying about washing her is definitely suspect, but I'd be careful about jumping immediately to "HE'S A MONSTER." And if he IS a monster, at least he knows you're hyper-aware now.

I'm glad you're taking her to the doc. I hope it turns out to be nothing.

Thank you all again. I’ve reach out to her doctor for the appt.

From the texts last night ex said "to avoid being accused she won’t be taking baths here anymore."

The denial and lies is suspect because his words and complete opposite of what DD said happened.

Look – What I’m going to post might be seen as reluctance to assume the worst.
Please don’t take it that way. This is too serious to simply ignore or hope for something better…

My wife and I often discuss the washcloth issue… My sons and I don’t use washcloths. My daughters and wife use them a lot. My wife has tried to get me and sons to use washcloths. We don’t… I don’t discourage my sons from using them, they just don’t…
At the same time, we men in the household gasp at how short a roll of paper lasts with the women in the house. We can made do with 2-3 sheets when for the females it seems like a quart of the roll is the minimum.
So… the hands v washcloth issue can be that… a difference in how many men view washcloths. It can be a totally non-sexual action, but definitely not an appropriate action.
CAN I BE CLEAR ON THAT: NOT APPROPRIATE!

But… this is IMHO too serious to chalk down entirely to a gender-issue…

I would definitely 100% talk to an expert. Be that an attorney or CPS or whatever. You are not accusing your ex of misusing his daughter. You are simply ensuring her well-being. Maybe your ex needs to know that girls use washcloths. Maybe he needs to know that kids bottoms can’t tolerate the cheap thrice-recycled semi-cardboard toilet-paper his wallet and ass appreciate.
Let’s hope this is all a misunderstanding. Let’s hope it’s him still thinking his little girl is little, and not all of six years old. Let’s hope that now he knows he must lay out a washcloth before leaving the bathroom, and that she can wipe her own bottom.
But you want this documented and dealt with by the pro’s!

If it was soap causing the redness, he could have easily said he used xyz soap,and maybe that's causing her the issue. Or,maybe it's his brand of detergent, or fabric softer. That's what a concerned parent would have done. Instead, he lied. I agree...thats suspicious.

I admit..I'm biased. This is how my molestation started. And, several of my cousin's. In the tub, with grandpa "washing" us.

I had the exact same conversation with my mother. And he denied having washed me at all. And she believed him. So,it continued. He worked his way through 13 cousins,before it stopped.

[This message edited by HellFire at 5:23 PM, Wednesday, December 13th]

I’m so sorry HellFire.

Thank you all for your thoughts and advice. I believe my DD, and for whatever reason exH is denying. He said he’s not doing bath anymore, and I’m going to have talks with DD more about no one touching and she can tell me anything.

Thank you. Honestly, I worked through all of that trauma,years ago. Except my mom not believing me. I don't think that will ever be ok.

I'm so glad you believe her. She needs that. Thank you.

Just a nurse posting as such. No soap is needed in the nethers on girls. Many are extremely sensitive to it as it sounds like your dtr is. Fresh clean water is more than enough to clean.
Dad should NOT be using bare hands regardless. At her age she is old enough to wash self.
If you dont have on hand get a tube of good old A&D ointment and put it in her go to dad bag so she can use it as needed of she does become irritated from food toilet paper or soap on the future.
Good on you getting her to the dr.

I had to interview children for CPS and I can warn you right now not to let three or four different people interview her. The only person that should interview her for legal purposes is a cop trained in this. Heavy handed or suggestive will tarnish anything. She’s been open with you and I wish you had recorded it, but whatever you do, do not let her be interviewed over and over. Including the dr unless they are also trained. I was smart enough at 6 to know things and so is she. No bragging about this. Just encouragement from you, her mom.