SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi all, I'm new to this site, but not new to finding out my partner's infidelity. I've been "starting over" since August when our lease was up and we moved away from each other. Cheating was definitely frequent for him even before we married and I'm sure throughout our 14 year marriage. This last time though was the LAST time and I had proof via our security cameras. What really made it something I couldn't come back from this time is just 4 months before my father died very tragically and I was at his house cleaning it out, my husband was supposed to meet me there to help move furniture that I couldn't on my own. When he didn't show up and wouldn't answer my calls I just decided to go back home to which I found multiple forms of evidence from his infidelity that night. I felt like I was was kicked and beaten while I was already down.

Although I moved away August 1st, I'm totally heartbroken, I'm lonely, although I moved back to a place I lived before it seems like my friends from here all have gone different directions and I really have nobody. We have a teenage daughter that has been uprooted and in the same boat with friends so it really sucks with both of us being down and depressed.

On top of it all I work in the music business and seeing firsthand rampant infidelity has just been awful. I love my job, music is my life, but the sex (with people other than your spouse), drugs (drinking) and rock 'n roll is so true :( I'm super depressed thinking I'll never find someone that is actually true to me, I'm in my mid 40s, married twice (both ended because they're cheaters).

Welcome to SI. I'm so sorry you need us but glad you found us.

You made the right decision to leave. How cruel to be carrying on with someone else when you were grieving and needed him. It is beyond me how people can be so insensitive and lacking empathy.

Do what you can to take care of yourself and keep busy. There is no easy way through this but you will eventually be ok and better off without him.

Welcome to SI and really sorry that you're joining us. I'd never with infidelity on anybody. So sorry for the loss of your father and that your grief for your dad is mixed with the infidelity.

In the JFO (Just Found Out) forum, there are some pinned posts at the top that you may find helpful. Also, the Healing Library has a lot of great information, and includes the list of acronyms we use. All the abbreviations can be overwhelming at first.

Have you been tested for STDs/STIs? Sometimes, infidelity is the gift that keeps on giving. If you're having trouble with depression, sleep, anxiety, etc., please see your doctor and try some meds for the short-term to get through this hump. The meds don't have to be permanently in your life, but they can help you through the tough part. Also, the shock can sometimes knock your brain chemistry out of whack and the meds help get things back firing appropriately.

Have you thought about taking on a new hobby for yourselves? Maybe there's a dog rescue or shelter that would appreciate you walking their dogs, or there's a nearby place that offers beginning knitting, or something that will help you participate in something and help you from isolating.

Just hearing the news about the infidelity in music and TV/movies is disheartening. I mean, Adam Levine was married to a Victoria's Secret underwear model and cheated. It's really a character flaw of the cheater and shouldn't be a reflection of you.

Hi, welcome to SI. So sorry you find yourself here.

Kudos to you for finally saying enough and walking away from this toxic relationship! Serial cheaters rarely change.

There are meetup groups all over the country, I think the website is called meetup, not sure, but check them out, there are tons of activities based on your interests and many times just people who moved to the area looking to make friends.

Another member suggested volunteering, I volunteered at a local animal shelter for a couple of years, it took my mind off the hell and was also so rewarding. The shelter I volunteered at had a program for teens, they met once week, taught them basic animal care and they helped mostly with the cats getting them out of their cages and helping them get much needed exercise. There are so many opportunities to volunteer, a call center, food bank, etc.

Suggest your daughter get involved in extracurricular activities at school, that's a great way to make friends. Also check with the school counselor, he/she might have some suggestions.

Are you and your daughter in IC? Sometimes you just need a little push from a good counselor to get your life back on track.

Please read the Healing Library and post as often as you need to.

There's also a divorce forum where you will receive support from members here who have had to walk away from the marriage.

Sending a virtual hug....