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Has anyone explored a living arrangement where each person does their own thing (dating wise), and you live like room mates? Our strength is co-parenting our newly-turned-teens. Kids have no idea about our struggles. We are trying to make it work but it’s not working for me. I’ll never trust him again but I don’t want to D for several reasons. Wondering if people ever live this way for the sake of the kids.

Well, does In House Separation for 21 years count? That's our sitch. I'd recommend not doing anything like this and also "dating others." Not gonna work long term unless you'd be comfortable with other people dropping in to "see" the family and where you live, etc.

When I asked for Separation Agreement papers, the #1 item the lawyer put in was that we would agree to live separately "as if we were already single," without legal recourse against either party dating others in the interim before Divorce would be final. I knew he had that in there to preclude one of us contesting Divorce on grounds of Adultery (still a crime in my state), but I had the lawyer strike that clause because if WH was going to live in my house as a "roommate" indefinitely - he didn't want D - yet be as free as if he were single, I figured sooner or later, he'd bring someone here. After all, his being married hadn't stopped him going out and nailing some strange. Any framework allowing this? T.R.O.U.B.L.E. in my opinion.

[This message edited by Superesse at 2:06 PM, Sunday, November 26th]

How would you explain dating to your teenagers?

If you think they'd miss the evidence ... think again and again an again. In fact, keep thinking until you accept that they'd figure it out.

The D/S forum has a thread on fears vs reality of D. I recommend you read and absorb it before making any decisions.

I'm very sorry you have to deal with this,

Being honest and living an authentic life is way more important to me than trying to convince my kids a broken M is what is normal. That said I knew a woman who did this for this very reason. It did not fool her teen children at all. She also chose to stay through the college years as she did not want to have that financial burden alone and knew he would quit working so it would become hers.
Kids are adults now and both were through a series of partners before settling down. One swears she will never marry or have kids because she can't trust that a partner would be there and hold up their end of the deal.

I would encourage you to see an IC and an attorney and get a handle on what staying vs D would look like for you and what the impact would be for the kids.

I'm curious about how well this might work if you're honest with the kids, and you and your H are both on board with it and agree to some rules.

Is your H agreeable to this type of arrangement?

Thanks for the responses. I discussed this with my therapist and she thinks this is a terrible idea as well. Not going to pursue it.