SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Anyone who knows me would say that I’m a bit of a spitfire.
So
In the summer of 2009 holding my two year old son and one year old daughter, I fought.
My handsome perfect husband was having sex with one of my friends while her husband was deployed (xwh was in the military at the time and had left me stateside more than once while deployed).

So
I got a new hairstyle and lost the last few pounds of baby weight and became more interesting and fun and I fought.
And I won

And he kept doing it for all of these years
We brought two more sons into it and I believed he loved me and our family.

When he betrayed all of us in September 2022 and I completely shattered, I really learned the 180.

And now on Thanksgiving when he all of a sudden loves me after all, but needs me to spend more time with my friends so he feels better about his weekends away
Oh
And that I need to gain some weight like what I looked like when we were first dating in 1999.

Now
I’m no longer fighting. I’m not angry or arguing.

I let our kids know that I love them and their dad loves them.
I’m kind to their dad.

And I KNOW
That he is beyond batshit if he thinks he will ever be in a relationship with me again.

I wish I hadn’t been such a spitfire. I may have found a healthy and happy partner many years ago.

But I’m super great on my own too and have these beautiful kids.

Thanks for letting me put this out there. I’m growing every day.

You *are* a spitfire, and your time is *now*.

Congratulations!

luved,

I do love your update and reflection about where you might have been if you'd not tried so hard to fight for your marriage to a person who you knew betrayed you. The regret you express is helpful and cautionary to those who are still with a WS--even to me.

But for you, because there is no time machine to go back and rectify your decision to fight and stay for those years, be at peace.
Those years gave you 2 more sons and lots of love there. You've learned a lot about yourself and others, and about boundaries and strength.

As you walk away, see the bad you're leaving but know that there was good in your life too (maybe not from your WS, but from your kids and others in your life).

You are a spitfire. Fight for you and what you deserve and for a life of joy.

Don't listen to any of the yo yo talk. First it's this then it's that....it's all nonsense anyway. Anything coming out of his mouth is bla bla bla. I had a beautiful perfect one too. Thought I was so lucky. Yea I'm lucky....lucky to be free of his worthless words.