OH MY GOSH!,,
I LOVED reading the stories about Otis! I know other people get it, but reading these stories really is wonderful. Thank you so much for that.
I have felt guilty even posting about this. Poor maise has lost her father, and Iām talking about a pet.
Iām sad to say that itās not getting any better really. Iāve cried so much every day that Iām afraid I mightāve burst a blood vessel behind my eye. When I wipe the tears out of my eyes my right eye feels swollen and sore.
Maggie always slept on the couch with me, either at the foot of the couch or alongside me. I would rest my hand on her head, or put my feet up against her. Itās been about a year and a half since I have stretched my legs out while sleeping. If I stretched them out my feet had to be hanging off of the end of the couch so I wouldnāt be crowding her. Sometimes I would wake up in the morning with my feet on the floor. I donāt even know how I slept that way. Earlier today, April - my beagle/border collie jumped up on the end of the couch where Maggie used to be. I caught myself before I scolded her for being in Maggieās place. š«¤
I have a "best friend" that Iāve known for over 60 years. We grew up together. Now she lives several states away, but we talk or text every few months. And then I have a "best friend" in Washington state that I speak to twice a day. We are very close And I have known her for 35+ years. And I have a sister that lives a half a mile from me and Iāve known her all my life, but Maggie was truly my best friend. She would nuzzle me when I was sad. She would FORCE me to get my lazy ass up and play with her. She was my forever friend.
She loved to nip at my fingers when I would walk in front of her. Eventually, every time we would be walking somewhere I would just let my arm nearest her hang down by my side and she would gently nibble on it until we got where we were going.
She had separation anxiety, so every time I was away, she would totally destroy the room or the yard where she was. About three days before she died I spent about three hours in my backyard picking up and raking up pieces of stuffing from a pillow or something that she got a hold of and trashed the whole backyard with. Now, I actually wish it was still out there. But if it was, I would probably never pick it up.
Itās sad, but I really donāt want to be around the other dogs. They donāt seem to be missing her. I havenāt seen them looking around at all. The only thing is that yesterday April came up to the coffee table where I have Maggieās collar, and was sniffing at it.
Also, I feel a great space between the way that I used to feel about Bella, and the way I see her now. Every time I walk into my husbandās room, which is quite frequently during the day, she runs to the edge of the bed and wants to jump on me and love on me. I donāt know why I donāt feel the same. I speak to her an I love on her, but I think Iām feeling so much sorrow that itās hard to show happiness.
My husband told me he was sorry when he found out about Maggie. And that has been it. Neither of my sons has spoken of it to me in any way. When we got home from the emergency vet at about 4 oāclock in the morning, I asked the son that went with me if he would please dig her grave. He said he would. She was lying in a cardboard coffin that the emergency vet gave us. Behind the driver seat in our van. By noon he still had not buried her so I asked him again. And I texted my other son to please help him. No response. So about 230 I started trying to find someone else to help me. We are having a pretty bad drought here and the ground is like concrete. Also my knees are so messed up and Iām so freaking old that I just couldnāt dig the hole myself. So I finally found a pet cremation place and took her over there. I will be picking up her ashes on Monday.
Iāve told myself many times that I should put on my big girl panties and get busy living without her. But I havenāt seemed to be able to at this point. Iāve lost so many pets through my 70 years. Losing Maggie is so different and it is so much harder with her. Maybe itās because it is so much fresher on my mind. Because I have adored all of my pets. But if I am honest, I believe that part of the reason why I am suffering so much over her death is not only because she was so young, and because I couldnāt afford to provide advanced care to see if we could help her get better, but because I believe she was the only one in this house who really loved me.
Now, I just feel so very alone.
I guess Iām done with ānewā pets. Jackie Chan is over 13 years old and feeling her age. I guess she will be gone before too long. And the dog that belongs to my granddaughters mother is quite old as well. Or perhaps she will go live with them when they are able to save up the pet deposit. But April and Bella have many years left. Of course I wouldāve said the same thing about Maggie last week.
Thank yāall for being here to share about your pets. It brings me joy to hear how much joy they gave you in their lives.
[This message edited by WhatsRight at 12:23 AM, Saturday, November 11th]