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Newest Member: findthebeautywithin

Divorce/Separation :
I am officially divorced!

Topic is Sleeping.
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 BigMammaJamma (original poster member #65954) posted at 4:30 PM on Tuesday, October 31st, 2023

The saga started out in October 2017 when I was pregnant with my youngest after several excruciating pregnancy losses. My divorce was final in October of 2023!

My goals were to keep the house and not incur any debt from the divorce. I had to donate plasma to pay some of those billable hours, but I DID IT! I have the house and I have no additional debt. I am broke as hell, but now I do not have to pay every additional cent to a lawyer and can begin to use those additional funds for other things.

I look at it like I have finally come out of a long war, for all intents and purposes, practically unscathed and now I can begin to rebuild my country. My kids are doing great! My kindergartener is flourishing, and while my XWH is def a "disney dad", it is really for the best because I truly don't think he is capable of more. I am fine with doing the hard parenting things because I think it is what it best for my kid. Even though he has the standard every other weekend schedule, he only picks our son up for a couple of hours on Sunday and takes him to Main Event or Dave and Busters. I had a really interesting conversation with my son the other day.

My son and I were in the car and he said, "wouldn't it be crazy if I got pregnant and had a son? I can't do that though because I am a boy. I will take care of my son when my wife has one".

I said, "yeah, you will have to make him dinner, pack his lunch for school, buy his favorite snacks from the grocery store, throw him a birthday party, take him to karate, take him to the doctor, kiss his boo boos, meet with his teacher, help him with his homework, listen when he needs to talk because he is sad, drive him to his cousin's house, make sure he takes his shower and bushes his teeth every night, cuddle him in bed, buy his clothes and shoes, tell him stories, laugh at his funny jokes, take care of him when his is sic..."

He interrupted me, "mom, mom, mom, I am just going to take him to main event."


I didn't really know how to respond, but I thought it was pretty poignant. I somehow have to teach him that parents are responsible for more than just brief entertainment without denigrating his dad. I haven't figured it out yet, but I am hoping to demonstrate what a great parent does, not just what a mom does.

Anywho, life on the other side is absolutely amazing. None of my fears came true. Godspeed to all of you on this journey.

Me- born in 1984Him- born in 1979We both have 2 kids from previous marriages and we share a four year old. I might be a BS, but at this point, I don't know if I'll ever know.

Update: As of 5/8/2020, my WH confirmed I belong in this club

posts: 313   ·   registered: Aug. 23rd, 2018   ·   location: Deep in the Heart of Texas
id 8813545
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Helena67 ( member #80506) posted at 9:12 PM on Tuesday, October 31st, 2023

Congratulations!!!!!!!

You're kid will know the difference! Be the best parent that you can be! You're ex is a looser and he doesn't know it.

Go enjoy your brand new life!

BS (me) 56 years. Divorced!!!

posts: 129   ·   registered: Aug. 10th, 2022   ·   location: The Netherlands
id 8813586
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 9:41 PM on Tuesday, October 31st, 2023

Congratulations!!! You are an awesome mama. My xWS is a Disney dad too although he was forced to adopt parenting since we split the kids 50/50 which I'm sure impeded on his time lol. Glad life is amazing for you now. I can hardly wait to hear that I am finally divorced those will be some magical words to my ears laugh

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 10:39 PM, Tuesday, October 31st]

fBS/fWS(me):51 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:53 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(21) DS(18)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorced 8/8/24

posts: 8910   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8813592
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 10:36 PM on Tuesday, October 31st, 2023

So happy for you!!!

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 11 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 14224   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8813597
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 9:27 PM on Thursday, November 2nd, 2023

BMJ — look how far you have come! You took no prisoners and kicked a$$. Your DS will see and know what parenting is —kids are smart.
remember to log those hours he doesn’t have your son and make sure you get the support pay.

What a great ending. So so happy for you and your DS!

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6215   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8813802
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 9:41 PM on Thursday, November 2nd, 2023

Your son will be wonderful. You will raise him to be a good man. As he gets older,he will realize his dad is basically phoning it in. And he will vow to be a better father. I promise you that.

Congratulations on the divorce!

But you are what you did
And I'll forget you, but I'll never forgive
The smallest man who ever lived..

posts: 6812   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8813804
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WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 9:41 PM on Thursday, November 2nd, 2023

Congratulations!

There is nothing wrong with describing to your son what good parenting is. You don’t need to mention his father at all. Let your son put the pieces together himself. This is not a case of you talking badly about your ex. Don’t withhold good heart-to-heart talks from your son, in the interest of protecting his POS father. Protecting that dude is not your responsibility. Raising a responsible young man is.

I survived a Marathon divorce that ended earlier this year. The amount of money I have saved since then (not paying lawyers) has given me such a comfort that I am going to be fine! I have more money in my savings account now than we ever did when we were married, and we had double the income then. Ex was an impulsive, irresponsible fool.

Life is grand post-divorce, ain’t it?

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4524   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8813805
Topic is Sleeping.
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