SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Knight and I are traveling with a friend who is helping us on a job and he by a fluke found that his wife was at a hotel with his good friend. I have shown him this site but his brain is so overwhelmed right now he can’t protect himself. She has all of his account password for every single thing in his life and she is being a heinous gas lighting liar putting the blame on him. (Pot kettle I know, but I have done the work and I’m not talking about me today. Knight is here with me but I’m more of the posting type.

I convinced him to block her at least until he is in a less fragile state and she stops being insane (if ever). He wants to block her in a way that she knows he is not getting communication from her. I know he shouldn’t care what she thinks but at this moment it’s important to him and we just want to support him in handling things the way he wants to. I’m going to try to get him a profile later and encourage him to reach out for help.

Do y’all know a way to block her so she will go straight to voicemail and texts will be rejected?

I don't know much about blocking, but I urge you not to get him a profile here (or anyplace else) without his permission ... and I also think it's better for him to sign himself up. Healing takes action and commitment to oneself, and actions help build that commitment.

My reco is to listen to him, just listen. If he asks for something you can give, by all means give, but if he doesn't ask, don't do.

I understand you want to give, and I am definitely on board your offering what you want to offer - but if he doesn't accept your offer now, again.

I also believe you became a good partner years ago, but you got there from a direction that most of us in R got there, so I urge you to accept that the best way to start is to let your friend lead, and you respond.

Having said that, I recommend going a long way toward getting him to change his passwords ASAP. Second most important is to get him to make a distinction between wanting R and committing to R (i.e. just describe not committing unless he see's his W doing the work). I know this is hard, but IIRC you have experience doing the work before your H committed to R.

If Knight is willing to share, your friend is in a better position than most of us when we JFO. A remorseful WS can be worth their weight in gold to a new BS, as can be a BS who has healed, even partially.

It's good to hear from you, though I'm sorry this is the topic. Regards to knight.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 9:54 PM, Saturday, November 26th]

Thanks Sissoon,
It’s nice to hear you again. I’m definitely not doing it without permission and participation. I was thinking more walking him through it. He needs so much help and advice and support and I know the wealth that is available to him here. It is so incredibly painful to watch him being told that she’s been unhappy because he didn’t provide a nice enough house for her, etc. She has never worked, drinks all day, no kids, and everything wrong with her life is his fault.

I’m I even posting in the correct forum? We were looking for technical help getting her out of his apple, e-mail accounts etc. but my post was unclear as was my mind. She had several tracking apps on his phone so he turned off location services. He blocked her on his cell phone so all night last night she relentlessly texted him from some method that must generate fake phone numbers because as soon as he would block one a message would pop up from another number. Is there a way to stop that?

He changed all his email passwords and the recovery numbers she had set to her phone so he changed that.

He keeps getting a notification on her phone asking if he wants to use his phone to unblock his apple id so she must be attempting all sorts of password’s repeatedly until the account locks again.

Can anyone send him advice about things he should check/watch out for since she had full access to everything. It seems she has already cleaned out his bank accounts.

All she keeps texting him is for him to send her his apple id and the password to the home cameras which he changed. I’m guessing so she can track his location? And also the constant messages placing blame on him for her actions.

He keeps saying he’s going to shoot her when he gets back home. I’m kind of worried because he sounds so sure when he says it. We are several states away at the moment which is good. If he actually follows through with his threat both Knight and I will be responsible for not reporting it.

He needs to talk with an attorney more than anything. Let the experts handle this.

Just a thought on the texting issues. Can he go to his phone carrier (Verizon, ATT) and request a new phone number? Or maybe just get a complete new phone and set it up with a new Apple ID. Sorry hes in this predicament, I certainly feel his pain and I’m glad he has a very good friend to help him through this.

If your friend were posting here, JFO would be probably the best place, but at this point, if you want this thread to be moved to G, just do a 'mod, please' thread.

You can definitely change phone numbers, either with forwarding or without it. IIRC, it cost $35 12 years ago. It was worth every penny and more. The ap blew up my W's phone with texts after d-day. A new phone number without forwarding made going NC much easier than if ow had W's phone number.