SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I posted on here maybe 1 or 2 weeks ago about my H cheating again. I was handling it okay, crying a little and mad and upset, I know the only reason that I have been somewhat calm is because I have been taking Delta 8 gummies (over the counter), They have worked so great until Tuesday. I don't know what happened but I went to my counseling session (1 hr. a week to talk is not enough) I started to cry on my way there and have been crying almost constantly since. I am filled with doubt, anger. sadness, loss, hurt. My emotions are off the chart. I can't stop crying and my stomach is sick, I'm not hungry, headaches and swollen eyes from crying. I feel so lost and alone and empty. He cheated before and I wanted to kill myself then and had all of these emotions at once. It hurts so so bad that even though he knew how badly it affected me the last time he still chose to cheat again knowing I would be a mess again. I still love him and want to be with him even though he has cheated at least 4 times that I know of in the 36 years we have been together. He lies and denies all even though I have proof with pics. My daughter (24) and I believe he is a narcissist. He is an unemotional person and I am extremely over emotional. Over the years when I would cry he would just sit there watching tv or go to sleep in bed without hugging me or asking what was wrong and when he would say anything he would say "what are you balling about". I am hurting so bad and feel hopeless and confused. I am not going to hurt myself but I wouldn't mind if a rig would hit me. My heart is so broke now that I can't see a new future without him. Have any of you hurt and felt so extreme and if so how did you deal with it? I honestly feel as if someone very close to me has died. I don't know how I will recover. I don't see any good right now and people keep saying it will get better just give it time. That does not comfort or help me. I went to a hospital last night to have myself admitted into their phyche ward and they would not admit me because I was not suicidal. I am sorry this is so long but I need to talk. Please give me advice.

I don't think your feelings are at all unusual. Most of us have felt the devastation you've described. I tell you what I would do first though... I would stop taking the Delta 8 gummies. It's THC, is not an FDA regulated supplement, and there's nothing in it which would assist you in processing your WH's betrayal. In quantity, you could actually be risking psychosis. Instead, see your doctor for stress management, STD testing, and referral to counseling professionals.

This is a helluva blow. It's a bug-meet-windshield emotional trauma. Pot isn't going to fix that. Good self-care, time, and a proactive approach to healing is what fixes it. You might not have any resolution regarding the state of your marriage for a long time. It's really vital that you take super loving care of yourself while you're processing it.

((hugs))

As painful as it is, the shock has warn off and now you are feeling it. And you need to feel it to process it and get through it.
I remember the not-caring-if-I-live phase - not suicidal but just okay with giving up. And I got through it. I made a spreadsheet with 15 minute increments and put an x in the box for every 15 minutes I got through. I journaled like mad. I cried, cried, and cried some more. I burned up phone lines crying to my friends.

You will get some of your equilibrium back- you will.
Avoid alcohol and drugs— they seem like they help but they don’t. They just postpone the inevitable and can have really detrimental effects.

You love him. You are also very very very used to him. He’s comfort and safety and what you know. Or what you thought you know. It makes sense that you are desperate to get back to where he was safety. But he is not safety. My H of 25 years was not safety. It’s really hard to wrap your head around— but it’s totally normal.

Your head and heart are not in agreement. And whether he admits to anything or not, you KNOW the truth. You know the truth.

Please understand you are going through the normal wild rollercoaster of emotions, and like any ride, it will eventually end. Hang in there. Journal between therapy appointments. Engage in extreme self-care. Drink water, get some exercise (even walking is great!), eat healthy food, and get STD tested. Taking care of yourself is helpful and will help gain control.

I am sorry you are going through this.

Echoing others in that what you are experiencing is exactly what most of us experienced as betrayeds. It is excruciatingly painful.

I resisted medication for almost a year after Dday1. When I finally caved, I found they helped me significantly. They don't take the pain away but they calm the nervous system enough for us to get our bearings. At this point in your total devastation, that can be sweet relief.

Can your therapist see you more than once a week? Twice a week is not uncommon for someone in crisis. Please ask.

Have you looked for support groups in your area? A woman's group on infidelity? Perhaps there is a support group for spouses / families of narcs. Being with others, especially those going through something similar can really help.

Spend time with your daughters, your friends, anyone who you can lean on right now. Get outside and breath fresh air every single day. Sit on your deck or take a quick walk. Even 10 minutes of something good can feel soothing. And you need soothing.

Thank you for the advice. People are so caring in here. Do any of you know of any sites that we can real time talk (Or type) to others going through this, I was talking to someone in 1 site and a creep tried to hit on me. I just need to talk to others.

Anonymity is recommended here. I would second TheEnd's advice to increase your therapy sessions if possible.

Over the years when I would cry he would just sit there watching tv or go to sleep in bed without hugging me or asking what was wrong and when he would say anything he would say "what are you balling about".

I do not think you are overemotional. You are reacting to an extreme trauma perpetrated upon you by an extreme jackass. Gently, this man is obviously not interested in your feelings or changing in any way to be a better human. He has cheated several times. This means that he is a serial cheater and they very rarely become trustworthy partners. Is this the way you want to live your life? In misery and waiting for the other shoe to drop? I am glad you are in counseling. It is my most sincere hope that you can gain the clarity to realize that love is compassionate and kind and that you deserve much better than you are getting.

Oh I am so sorry your husband has chosen to behave this way. I truly feel your pain! I remember feeling my life had been a lie. I kept thinking but we’ve had this wonderful life and someone you met and flirted with for maybe 4-5 hours was such a value to destroy our 36 years of marriage? A person’s heart hurts so badly it does feel broken. It isn’t us though that is broken we didn’t chose to go outside our marriage. Gradually as you know this becomes our new norm.