I'm devastated right now. Then again, I probably shouldn't feel devastated since I saw it coming for a while now. But my biggest worry all school year about my job has come true: they're eliminating my position, and I'm forced to find another school to work at next year.
I wrote previously about the mean male teacher colleague who has been belittling me and disrespecting me for years now. He really amped up the rudeness to me this year. He also spends nearly everyday in the principal's office after school, schmoozing and playing Teacher's Pet while probably gossiping about others. I've worried that he is trying to lose me my job here. I heard rumors that the reason he wants me gone is so he can get my classroom. My classroom is bigger than his, has a large walk-in closet for lab supplies, and an attached semi-outdoor greenhouse. He keeps insulting me for not using the greenhouse (as if it's so easy to control such large out of control classes of students with activities like that!! easier said than done). He has somewhat bragged about all the things he'd do and do differently if he had the greenhouse. I have always worried he's been out to get me.
Another person who seems out to get me has been one of my students. She was very rude and rowdy, probably my absolute worst behaved student. When the principal came impromptu to do that observation earlier this year, this girl kept acting up while literally shouting from her seat in the back of the room that she didn't get it, that I can't teach, that my class sucks, and other very negative things. Then when the principal was walking out of my room, the same girl yelled, "Nice knowing ya, Miss [my name]. I know you won't be coming back next year!" I've never felt more humiliated at this job by a student. She purposely made me look bad in front of my boss at a time that I was already having a terrific day beyond my control. Yes, the principal cited her comments and misbehavior for reasons she issued me low ratings on my evaluation. I was so angry at that girl and still angry about it.
That girl ruined my career. As a result, I vowed to never give her anything better than an unsatisfactory behavior rating on her report cards. In our district, we issue two numbers on report cards for each student: a percentage grade, and a number from 1-3 for behavior. 1 is the best, 2 is ok/satisfactory, 3 is bad/unsatisfactory. The behavior rating has no effect on GPA or retention but obviously 3s don't look good. I have given her only 3s on each report card and will never give her any better than a 3 because of what she did. Her behavior has actually improved slightly since then, but screw it, I'm still giving her a 3 this report card.
A few months ago I was using the copy machine after school in the roster office because the usual copy machine was down. I happened to notice a paper left in the copy machine from hours earlier, which indicated that they were looking to cut a few more positions at our school for next year. It indicated that next year they're looking for a biology teacher that's dual certified in biology and Chem, instead of just biology. Since then I worried I would get cut.
In my large urban district, getting cut doesn't necessarily mean fired or laid off (although mass layoffs have definitely happened before). But it does mean having to shop around for teacher vacancies at other schools in the district, and interview at each of those schools as if you're restarting a jobsearch process with a whole new employer. They call this the forced transfer process. I've witnessed people going through it before and it's never fun. It's a lot of extra work and stress. For example, the one former colleague friend I wrote about went through it three or so years ago. She complained a lot about it afterwards. She was a really good teacher here and the principal seemed to like her too, and even my mean male colleague was nicer to her than he is to most. But she ended up force transferred with 3 others when they cut positions here due to lower-than-expected student enrollment. She ended up screwed over, transferred from a school she loved 15mins from home, to a nightmare work situation at a much harder school an hour away. She got a really raw deal. I worry now I will end up like that too. Also, I haven't written a resume or attended an interview in years, decades in fact! Usually it's the newer teachers who get force transferred. I've been here over 20 years. It's mortifying.
I worried for months now that they would look to get rid of me, force transfer me. All year my mean male colleague has taunted me about it, claiming no one likes me and to expect to be force transferred. Today I received confirmation from the principal that yes, I'm being force transferred. She said it really was nothing personal but due to the need to have the biology teacher also teach chemistry. I'm certified in biology and math but not Chem. In fact, I haven't done any Chem since college, and that was over 30 years ago by now.
I am devastated because the job I've been at for most of my career will be no more. All the hard effort, all nighters, and holiday breaks spent working nonstop from home on this job's paperwork has been unappreciated I feel. Even worse, when I told my former colleague friend about it today (the one who got force transferred from this school 3 years ago to a school she hated), she had an I told you so tone while telling me "you should have taken my advice to apply for sabbatical." I don't know if that would have worked either. She claims I would have been untouchable from my position and placement for the duration of time until a year after returning from sabbatical. She claims it's a way I could have avoided the news of a force transfer if I anticipated a possible force transfer. She claims that that's why she extended her maternity leave last year, to avoid possibility of becoming force transferred if she returned to work before the end of the school year. I don't know if that would have worked for me or not. The whole idea of a sabbatical just seemed lazy anyway. I was always raised to work, and work hard, or else I'm doing wrong.
I feel humiliated because I'm worried that word about my impending forced transfer will spread like wildfire and then kids will respect me even less. I've seen and heard of that happening to other teachers who were getting force transferred. Kids stop listening to them or even doing their assignments because they know the teacher will be gone soon. Kids have done this even when it's obvious the teacher is still going to be here for the rest of the school year and isn't leaving until next fall, when these kids will no longer have that teacher's course anymore anyway. It's all about respect and rapport. I dread work tomorrow for fear they'll taunt me about leaving. I fear that same girl will say "I told you so" like my mean colleague and even my former colleague friend.
How can I get through the next month and a half, knowing I won't be back? I'm so hurt by this. On top of all the other stress and work tasks I've had to deal with, now I have to polish up a resume and attend interviews at other schools during my limited after school hours too. Why does it seem like when it rains, it pours? When will it ever get easier?