I have many years in social work under my belt.
1. A protective order is a good idea, but please remember it is simply a piece of paper, so if there is any chance charges could be filed to add further protection, call the police. Any evidence or pictures or witnesses that can help back you up it’s a good thing. Do not worry if none of that exists. The most important thing would be to make sure you are very clear in the paperwork you do file.
2. Do you have a safety plan? Who can you turn to to live with or stay with and keep away from him? I don’t want to scare you, but the most violent time in a relationship tends to be when someone is leaving. Do not let that stop you from leaving, but be safe and think about what your safety options are. If you are staying in that home, change all locks when the protective order removes him. Also, make sure people you trust know where you are at/coming/going. Try not to come and go in the dark if you do not have to. Also, just be aware of your surroundings and who is around you.
3. Call your local domestic violence hotline, Google and you should find who that is. The advocates do an amazing job at showing up at court with you and helping you walk through local options and local resources.
4. Some states allow you to file through the Secretary of State, or another agency, and you can mask your address if you move so that the abuser does not find your address listed. All court documents and such would go to this masked address and then forwarded to you. Look up Safe at Home in Iowa for an example.
5. Tell people you trust what is going on. The more people that understand your situation, the more safe eyes on you. Just make sure the people you are telling know that they should not take action or go defend you. It’s more safety not revenge.
6. Do you have a way to stash cash away or make sure you have your own account so that you do have some money set aside? Start doing that even if it is a little by little. Sometimes local churches can help with a little bit of escape money as well. Remember the shelters as an option.
7. If you are not leaving right away, find an old cell phone or tablet with Wi-Fi accessibility. Charge it and keep it upright and plugged in somewhere in a well traveled area in your home. Download a free app that will tape record when motion activated. That could help catch him threatening or whatever he does. Do not tell him you are doing this.
Please find your local Domestic Violence Advocate and let them help you with local resources, shelters, etc.
[This message edited by deena04 at 2:33 AM, Saturday, April 23rd]