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Newest Member: chickenchicken

New Beginnings :
I should have listened to this groups advice..

Topic is Sleeping.
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 mitz66 (original poster member #17888) posted at 5:28 PM on Sunday, March 13th, 2022

So after 2 years from divorce, I decided to date. Was someone I knew in high school. I came to this group with a couple yellow flags. Folks told me to walk away. I stayed. Three years in next week. Found out he did crack, got drunk and had sex with someone while I was out of country with my dying dad. I don’t drink, only use what is prescribed to me and no opiates as they make me sick. How did I allow myself to get in this situation. Now I get to extricate myself from this relationship. I am numb, not angry, not sad just numb. I found out on March 10th. We went out to listen to some music. Started off great then he had a few too many. Went to his house, in his drunken state he said " You’re stupid, why are you with me anyway? I’m not a good person. You don’t know what I did". He then went to the bathroom where I heard a big crash. Opened the door and there he was on the floor with pants down. Nice. He made it to the couch, i searched his phone - which he had given me the password to help me feel safer in relationship and said he had nothing to hide. Phone showed he had semi blacked out on drugs and booze and had sex with an unknown female that his friend said was like a zombie when he…I haven’t seen him since.

I am stupid to have stayed. The weekend my dad died he was doing this, now I know why he didn’t answer when I called. Next time, if there is a next time…I will follow the wisdom of this group. On a positive note, I have not been intimate with him. Now I know why on that end too, still going for testing. Blah. I’ll be 56 next week. Thanks for listening! look

Me:50/55. BS Him:48 XWH/55 xwbfMarried almost 10 years/ 3 yr rel3 adult kids/ 2 adult kids1st DDay 2 wks after marriage/ Mar 105 OW's and false R's/ 1+ OW’s? April 2017 Divorced/ ended rel Mar 16No second chances ever again!

posts: 898   ·   registered: Jan. 24th, 2008
id 8722929
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devotedman ( member #45441) posted at 6:53 PM on Sunday, March 13th, 2022

Good on you for walking away!

Me: 2xBS b 1962 xWW after 2 decades, xWGF after almost 1.
Amelia Pond: Who are you?
The Doctor: I don't know yet. I'm still cooking.
ENFP-A. Huh.

posts: 5155   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2014   ·   location: Central USA
id 8722948
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 10:09 PM on Sunday, March 13th, 2022

Not stupid, but human like the rest of us. Your gut was telling you things- now you know to listen to it.
Glad you are dumping him. And I’ll be 55 shortly- we’ve got more time left in us :-) so this lesson learned will serve you well in your next relationship.

Take extra good care of yourself this weekend.

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6192   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8722992
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 mitz66 (original poster member #17888) posted at 3:06 AM on Monday, March 14th, 2022

Thanks for the encouragement devotedman and BearlyBreathing. I deserve much better, but first time with myself. smile

Me:50/55. BS Him:48 XWH/55 xwbfMarried almost 10 years/ 3 yr rel3 adult kids/ 2 adult kids1st DDay 2 wks after marriage/ Mar 105 OW's and false R's/ 1+ OW’s? April 2017 Divorced/ ended rel Mar 16No second chances ever again!

posts: 898   ·   registered: Jan. 24th, 2008
id 8723047
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EvenKeel ( member #24210) posted at 2:48 PM on Monday, March 14th, 2022

You are not stupid, my friend!

We are always learning, no matter our age. What is important that you take the life lessons you are shown and continue to grow.

But I am so sorry this happened to you. Breakup suck.

And I am so sorry about your father!

posts: 6928   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2009   ·   location: Pennsylvania
id 8723102
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twicefooled ( member #42976) posted at 6:54 PM on Monday, March 14th, 2022

I'm so sorry about the loss of your father. (((hugs)))

Not stupid at all!! How else can we practice our newly-discovered boundaries without meeting some shitheads in the process? laugh

I've had a few dates with men I really should have stopped seeing after date 1 or 2. But the more I did it, the better I got about walking away the moment I felt unfulfilled.

May 29 2021 ***reclaimed myself and decided to delete my story with my ex because I'm now 7 years free from him and mentally healthier than I've been in years.

*********When you know better, you can do better*************

posts: 492   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2014
id 8723150
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 5:15 AM on Wednesday, March 16th, 2022

I think you are brave. You had a relationship post divorce! You got out there, you know you can do it. Ok he was a schmuck, you know now. And you are better prepared for the next time.

I haven’t made it past a 2nd date. So good for you!

Standing tall

posts: 2229   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8723497
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 mitz66 (original poster member #17888) posted at 7:13 PM on Wednesday, March 16th, 2022

Today is my birthday and I celebrated by telling him I knew about his cheating and now we are done. I was calm and stated the facts. He tried to gaslight but I just said you did do this and you have a problem. I’m out. He then said well we are done. If I had found out something about you like that I’d be done too. Then he went for a walk and I got the little bit of stuff I had at his house. I did have a few tears after I drove away. I told myself I dodged another bullet. Yesterday I went to the STD clinic and got throughly tested while reminding myself I had nothing to be humiliated about. 😕

Thanks for your support as usual SI. I’ll definitely take time to regroup and maybe go and see a therapist again to work on that picker and myself!

Me:50/55. BS Him:48 XWH/55 xwbfMarried almost 10 years/ 3 yr rel3 adult kids/ 2 adult kids1st DDay 2 wks after marriage/ Mar 105 OW's and false R's/ 1+ OW’s? April 2017 Divorced/ ended rel Mar 16No second chances ever again!

posts: 898   ·   registered: Jan. 24th, 2008
id 8723589
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devotedman ( member #45441) posted at 10:51 PM on Wednesday, March 16th, 2022

That sounds like an excellent plan!

Me: 2xBS b 1962 xWW after 2 decades, xWGF after almost 1.
Amelia Pond: Who are you?
The Doctor: I don't know yet. I'm still cooking.
ENFP-A. Huh.

posts: 5155   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2014   ·   location: Central USA
id 8723649
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JanaGreen ( member #29341) posted at 3:48 AM on Thursday, March 17th, 2022

Huge huge hugs to you, and happy birthday! I'm sorry your NB turned out to be a turd but now onto better things!

posts: 9505   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2010   ·   location: Southeast US
id 8723690
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 5:02 AM on Thursday, March 17th, 2022

Happy birthday mitz!

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6192   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8723695
Topic is Sleeping.
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