Topic is Sleeping.
Shehawk (original poster member #68741) posted at 5:02 AM on Monday, December 6th, 2021
I can not even begin to describe how good it feels to wake up every day free of abuse.
I am a survivor.
I have good friends.
Contrary to what my wh told me, it is simply very far from the truth that no one would ever "want me"...
I am healing from the Lyme disease (less antibodies and fewer positive bands).
My pain and tension levels are lower than I can ever remember them being.
I wake up not feeling drained.
I now think of my wh as so tainted and disgustingly defiled I would not take him back much less be intimate with him if he was the last man on earth. He repulses me. That is a good thing because he is not safe for me at any speed.
I have had a change of mind. I now view very few decisions as one way streets. That is very freeing and should serve me well. For that reason, I deeply regret not leaving and filing for divorce immediately the first time I found out he was lying much less cheating. I had my reasons. But I could have reversed course and stopped the divorce if he had chosen to stop lying, do the work, and become a safe partner.
I am no longer a schmuck.
There are moments of joy and beauty.
I survived infidelity.
"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!
devotedman ( member #45441) posted at 7:35 AM on Monday, December 6th, 2021
Congratulations, that's great!
Me: 2xBS b 1962 xWW after 2 decades, xWGF after almost 1.
Amelia Pond: Who are you?
The Doctor: I don't know yet. I'm still cooking.
ENFP-A. Huh.
taken4granted ( member #61971) posted at 4:55 PM on Monday, December 6th, 2021
I love this post and couldn’t agree more. It’s so peaceful now.
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." - Mark Twain
Me: Living life! Him: Not my problem anymore
Married 15 yrs.
1 LTA, Many EAs from 2009 - ?
Dday 1 = 6/16/17
Last Dday = 1/4/18
Started loving myself 2018!
Shehawk (original poster member #68741) posted at 1:46 AM on Tuesday, December 7th, 2021
"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!
BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 2:01 AM on Tuesday, December 7th, 2021
***APPLAUSE***
Well done!!
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
Repossessed ( member #79544) posted at 2:09 AM on Tuesday, December 7th, 2021
I deeply regret not leaving and filing for divorce immediately the first time I found out he was lying much less cheating. I had my reasons. But I could have reversed course and stopped the divorce if he had chosen to stop lying, do the work, and become a safe partner.
I am no longer a schmuck.
Exactly... Its the same conclusion that I've come to. I get "one size does not fit all," but I truly believe the conclusion you and I have come to for ourselves would best serve most Betrayeds.
Here to keep myself mindful that I don't always see what actually is. I certainly didn't when I married her.
Shehawk (original poster member #68741) posted at 3:09 AM on Tuesday, December 7th, 2021
I think the ability to see what truly is, Repossessed, came way too late for me. But I am there now.
If I had been willing to accept what he was showing me, then it would not have been a stretch to reconcile the dissadence between that and who I thought he was for decades.
Of course he might have been able to change if he wanted to. But nothing I could, would, or should do will ever change him. In the words of Stevie Nicks, "you can't fix this".
That's not to say that no wayward is able to change. I am sure they can. But not the guy I married who years after I caught him and years after I filed for divorce still blames me for him cheating with randoms.
nope. Not buying that anymore!
A friend of mine says this about him..."Good luck buddy". Meaning that doing the kind of things my wh chose is probably gonna not turn out all rainbows and unicorns.
[This message edited by Shehawk at 3:16 AM, Tuesday, December 7th]
"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!
Repossessed ( member #79544) posted at 3:41 AM on Tuesday, December 7th, 2021
nope. Not buying that anymore!
A-freaking-men
Here to keep myself mindful that I don't always see what actually is. I certainly didn't when I married her.
iwantamiracle ( member #22812) posted at 1:25 AM on Wednesday, January 26th, 2022
I am 13 years past my D-day, and 5 years past my divorce. And the sense of peace i have is wonderful. Biggest lesson, all things come to pass and at some point you will find that you have you back, its not the same you, an evolved you. I will never ever put up with what i put up with again, i deserve better!!
Life goes on!!
My life is finally my own!!
I am happy and I am at peace!
I survived the worst pain I have ever known!!
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 11:50 PM on Wednesday, January 26th, 2022
I wouldn't trade the calm and peace I have now for anything. I am so happy for you!
fBS/fWS(me):51 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:53 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(21) DS(18)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorced 8/8/24
Shehawk (original poster member #68741) posted at 12:24 AM on Tuesday, February 1st, 2022
Thanks CrazyBlindSided!!
And Iwantamiracle this is so very true!
"I will never ever put up with what i put up with again"
Looks like I will be easing back into working soon. That will give me the $ will need to start paying down the debt and pay for a really good lawyer to move things forward.
My guess is he thought he could break me.
It's hard to break steel forged in the fires of the kind of pain he put me through.
"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!
Shehawk (original poster member #68741) posted at 4:22 AM on Tuesday, February 15th, 2022
Happy Valentine's to everyone.
I received a gorgeous purse as a lovely valentines gift (had been needing a new purse for awhile) and had a lovely takeout Chinese dinner along with a friend who was going to be spending the day alone so invited her too (didn't go out because we are limiting our exposure risk).
Whether single or partnered I hope everyone in new beginnings had a lovely day. And I wish you all continued peace and joy. There is a great life away from infidelity! It truly can be indescribably good!
"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!
Topic is Sleeping.
