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I put this post on 2 forms and I that's against the rules, so I deleted this one and kept the one on the Reconciliation form. sorry for that

[This message edited by Brokenwings63 at 7:06 PM, December 12th (Saturday)]

I personally would not give the AP name to your son. Why pass on that trigger to him? Especially if you think the DIL will keep the name regardless?

Is there a nickname you can use for the baby?

I personally think when you’re holding that sweet baby that the AP will be the furthest thing from your mind.

Yeah thats a tough spot. I'm very sorry, I can't even imagine what you two are feeling over this.

I find it hard to believe (especially given the insight of your DIL) that she will ever be persuaded to change the name she's settled on, any soon to be mama for that matter.

However, I'm all for open and honest communication, my family's dynamic allows for it, and I would very much mention such a thing in a very permanent situation.

IMHO it would be worth it, to me. If nothing else your DS is at least aware should emotions arise, or as mention above a nickname is used.

I personally think when you’re holding that sweet baby that the AP will be the furthest thing from your mind

I agree with this. Perhaps the baby will help ease the trigger and its something you two face and overcome together. The name will become something less associated with AP and overwritten with your precious 1st grandchild!

Congrats BTW its exciting! Let that emotion ride for awhile!

Ok. So, I found out on dday that the OW had the same name as my daughter. Spelled the same,which is unique.

For the first few days, as I was freshly traumatized, I couldn't look at my beautiful girl. I couldn't say her name.

The I decided..fuck it. I was not going to let this...woman...take this from me. This was MY CHILD. I named her. The OW meant nothing. This child meant everything.

So I let it go. And you and your husband will have to do the same. Your DIL is right. Your personal situation has zero bearing on her,and she has absolutely every right to name her child whatever she wants. That you would have the audacity to even think you can tell them not to name their child this particular name is astounding.

I suggest you get over it. I mean..really. You may never see your grandchild because of a name? That's absurd.

Many BS have had to deal with this. Ive read,several times here, that the OW has the same name as them,or their sister, or their child. What do they do? Pull themselves up and realize the world doesn't revolve around them,and a name is a name and they love that person in spite of it.

I want to thank all of you for your opinions and openness. That means a lot to me. I also put this reply on the Reconciliation board.

You all are right on the name, it's just a name and not the child. I would never ask them to change the child's name, its their choice, not mine. I will always love our Grandson no matter what. But the crazy thing is that shocked us was the AP's name is a uncommon name and we don't know anybody by this name! So when we were told it just hit us like a rock. I actually initially had panic and anxiety, but am already feeling better by talking about this to all of you. The good thing about knowing now is that our DIL still has 4 months to go, so it can settle in our minds and hearts. I can't wait for this baby and I want to spoil it soooo bad. My husband and I have been waiting for so long to have a Grandchild.

Perfect attitude!

Congratulations! Being a grandmother is amazing.