My husband encouraged me many years ago to go to counselling. He could see that I had issues even from when we were first married. My father up and left for another woman and family when I was 11 and did not parent at all after that. Probably saw him fewer that ten times before he died when I was 28 (am 59 now) Add some CSA, rape and teenage promiscuity into the mix and no wonder he could see I had issues. "I" couldn't see it and did not go for counselling until into my 30's. This lasted only a short time as the therapist actually moved away.
It is only since DDay in 2013 that we are reading and learning so much about psychology that we have even found the term BPD among many other terms.
I think my husband mentioned it and I read some info on the net about BPD and started reading more and ordered the two books mentioned. So early stages at this point.
I also live in a rural area two hours from the nearest center that would have the resources to get tested, have not found someone to go to yet, although I have been looking for a counsellor. I have been to IC, three different ones in the last three years, but have not found the match. The last one was the closest, but sadly is not working out either.
I also believe I have complex-PTSD, again from reading, not from being tested. I can dissociate pretty easily, have some symptoms around adult ADHD, plus other symptoms and on it goes.
My husband also mentioned years ago, that when the sun went down, my personality changed. So do I also have or had some issues with DID? So many things to pursue. Perhaps none of the above, just a very mixed up hurt kid that grew up into a hurt adult and never dealt with the grief of the things from long ago.
Just my thoughts.
I will look into the books you mention, particularly the first one on mindfulness.