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Newest Member: ConstantlyConfused

The Book Club :
codependent no more

Topic is Sleeping.
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 puregrace (original poster new member #45809) posted at 4:16 AM on Wednesday, December 3rd, 2014

this is a very good book by Melody Beattie- its for adult children of alcoholics and anyone else who feels like they are to blame for everything- its a good book and totally not what i expected

Me- 35 BS
Him- 35 WH
Married 16 years
Together 17 years
1 Child- 13 yrs old
1st D-Day 9/2013

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One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of the things you cannot change

posts: 33   ·   registered: Dec. 3rd, 2014   ·   location: MN
id 7029137
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 2:27 PM on Wednesday, December 10th, 2014

I agree Grace.

I found myself asking myself why some of it applied to me, but in the end gave me a very good understanding of why I did and behaved the way I did.

It helped me to see how I was always making choices that ultimately hurt me, and how to stop doing that, and become a strong person who didn't need anyone else to be happy. To feel ok with living my life for me first.

Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 20291   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 7037452
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runningtothrive ( member #44135) posted at 1:38 AM on Friday, January 16th, 2015

I'm in the middle of this book right now. What I struggle with is taking care of myself and doing things for me now, when all I've known is people telling me what to do (childhood), then me taking care of others (husband).

Me - BS (30)
Him - WS (30)
NC - Jan. 2014
Working on being our best selves for our marriage

Please PM me for info about an in-person BS support group in San Diego

posts: 246   ·   registered: Jul. 16th, 2014   ·   location: California
id 7080506
frustrated

 puregrace (original poster new member #45809) posted at 5:52 AM on Friday, January 16th, 2015

I always feel guilty for everything even when its not my fault. Alot of that comes from my childhood. My mother always blamed or accused me. Most of the time i hadnt done what she was blaming me for. So i have this neverending guilt for everything. I understand i am codependent but i struggle with how to cope. I just take each day as it comes the best i can and try to anaylze each situation before i decide what to do- the codependent side of me wants to fix everything and the other side of me wants to step back and made a non emotional decision. Its like tug of war with myself, always wondering if its the right decision. My codependency is probably the reason i havent left my SA husband yet.

Me- 35 BS
Him- 35 WH
Married 16 years
Together 17 years
1 Child- 13 yrs old
1st D-Day 9/2013

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One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of the things you cannot change

posts: 33   ·   registered: Dec. 3rd, 2014   ·   location: MN
id 7080734
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runningtothrive ( member #44135) posted at 2:28 AM on Saturday, January 17th, 2015

puregrace - Overcoming habits, especially those we learned as children, is really hard. It takes a lot of courage to acknowledge a short-coming (co-dependence) and trying to correct it (reading Co-Dependent No More and posting on SI).

I always want to fix everything too, but I'm trying to keep in mind that 1) Mistakes aren't the end of the world and 2) Learning from mistakes is far more meaningful and important. So sometimes it's okay to let the cards fall where they may and let others learn, even if it could be been prevented (I don't have kids but maybe this is good to keep in mind with kids so they can become independent).

I just have to keep reminding myself that I have to take care of me, I have to take care of me. Because, supposedly, everyone else is busy taking care of themselves, so I have to take care of me. And the world still works, it's not like if I'm taking care of me then nothing gets done, but maybe I have to be more flexible or assertive.

Me - BS (30)
Him - WS (30)
NC - Jan. 2014
Working on being our best selves for our marriage

Please PM me for info about an in-person BS support group in San Diego

posts: 246   ·   registered: Jul. 16th, 2014   ·   location: California
id 7081968
Topic is Sleeping.
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