Back again with more nonsense
So the past couple of days I have seen a softer more interested side of him. Wanting to talk. Mostly about how he admits he misses me and is conflicted about the separation and divorce. Making me feel like maybe he doesnt really want it. So I simply said if he got help to fix himself he could come home. That its what I would rather (because apparently im stupid, but 20 years is a lot to just throw away). We had a short discussion again about it this morning. Didnt talk to him the rest of the day. Then this afternoon he texts me asking if I want anything specific added to the separation agreement. I told him it didnt matter what he put in it I wasnt going to sign it. (My lawyer is going to serve him for desertion and adultery, he doesnt know this). He immediately got angry and said fine then it would be sent via certified mail since I wont sign. OK cool, no skin off my back. Then be brought up our taxes and tax return and I reminded him he said in text we would be paying the credit card off which is in my name but vacations for our family so joint debt. He told me he wasnt going to do that. I told him thats fine I'll talk to my lawyer. And he went insane on me. Telling me in text that my lawyer can talk to his lawyer and then my lawyer can"fuck off". That my lawyer has no authority over his finances. He then said this stubborness on my part to not sign his separation agreement has made him no longer conflicted. That and the fact that I told people he cheated. Again that keeps coming up. He wants out because instead of showing people that now view him as a the cheater he is and rising up to repair rebuild get help and be better, he thinks everyone will just forget what he did if he discards me. The anger and hostility was absolutely ridiculous today. Is it normal for them to go from hot to cold like this? I also told him my lawyer told me im allowed to remove his items from my room and bathroom since he has a room and bathroom elsewhere. His response? "So youre admitting youre going to discard my belongings." Knowing full well I would simply put them in another area of the house as I did last time and he put it all back. This is only week 3. I think its going to be a long year for me. And instead of spending time with his kids tonight he is going out. The man that wants 50/50 custody so he can avoid paying child support. He rarely visits the kids and when he does he sits on the couch for an hour on his phone while he does laundry and the kids all hide away in their rooms
9 comments posted: Friday, January 23rd, 2026
How to handle a cheating spouse threatening to sue
Now my cheating soon to be ex is threatening to sue me. Telling me that its defamation to tell people he cheated. I have proof but I cant use it in court. Other than a text message of me saying he cheated and him replaying yes. But I have screen shots of their conversations that I cant use in court because his phone was passcoded. Talking about having sex and even discussing plans to do it without a condom. He knows he is a liar and a cheater. So the fact that he would sue me for telling others is insane. He really only cares about his image. Doesn't want anyone to know the disgusting things he has done to our marriage. I don't know how much more of this harassment I can take.
17 comments posted: Tuesday, January 20th, 2026
Something snapped in me today
Yesterday he was so incredibly cruel. Came to spend 1 whole hour out of his day off with his kids who have now begun to resent him. I tried to reason with him which was stupid and tell him his family needs him to get help and come home. To stop this stupid destructive path he is on. Putting his relationship with the affair partner as priority both financially and physically when it comes to the kids. The kids and I are being careful of every dollar we spend right now because we will soon have legal fees. (Money is all still joint currently) while he complains I haven't found a job yet (I was just laid off weeks ago from my store closing) and said I contribute nothing and he is worried about finances while he and her constantly eat out with him paying. He clearly isnt that worried about money. Well he got very nasty after my conversation asking him to get help and come home. He started accusing me of being the toxic one because I have leaned on family snd friends and have told them things he has said or done like the cheating. Sauing im toxic and turn everyone against him. When im simply looking for support. This is usually my own family I lean on. Says "I dont want to be with someone like that anymore" mind you when I found out the first time he cheated he refused to speak to me about it and told me if I brought it up he would leave as he wasnt living his life reminded of what he did. Well you can guess how that went. Wanting me to heal in silence with no help or support. Then finding out it neber stopped rather it escalated. He then told me if I got help for a solid year he would think about a second chance but not guarantee. So essentially im the one who needs to get help but he doesnt for his lying and cheating and the way he treats his family. Then he accused me of only wanting him back for financial reasons. 10000% not the case. I married this man when i had more money than he did. I wanted our famiky and my marriage back, thats it. If i wanted financial id go hunt oir a rich man. My soon to be ex isnt rich by any means. We simply got by. He said the kids will grow up one day and realize I was the problem. For what though? Trying to hold my family together? Trying to fight for us? Alone? For forgiving some heinous behavior on his part? The thing is our kids are 16, 15 and 12. They arent babies and are nearly grown as it is and see him as the problem. But something shifted in that conversation and it took away those feelings of longing and missing him. I pray this is permanent and those feelings dont return.
4 comments posted: Sunday, January 18th, 2026
How do you handle the loneliness especially at night
Its been 11 days since he walked out after I found out he was still cheating on me. I cant help but feel like this is so unfair. I was the best wife I could be and incredibly faithful. He gets to move on and not be lonely and have sex with his affair partner and I cry myself to sleep alone and lonely. I entered this marriage with abandonment issues and now those wounds are ripped wide open. We have to be separated for a year and I cannot date in that time. Its considered adultery in my state even though he has abandoned our marriage and cheated. So he is allowed to have someone but I cant. Not that I want someone but I have a high drive and going a year celibate sounds like adding insult to severe injury. How do you all cope? How do you handle the lonely nights knowing your spouse is out living their best life? I dont know how much longer I can take this. The pain isnt lessening.
5 comments posted: Thursday, January 15th, 2026
A moment of weakness
It's me again in a stupid moment of weakness. He stopped by today to pick up some clothes for work. I kept to myself as usual. Just looking at him hurts. Before he left he came to me and said "you know you can call me if you need anything with the house or help with anything right?". Yall I couldnt contain myself. The pain that ive keeping a lid on pretty successfully around him came to a violent boil inside me and my first thought was HOW DARE HE. How dare he act like some loving concerned man! How dare he play the fake good guy while he is out having sex with a literal demon while I spiral and fight every hour to hold things together for my kids. I bit my cheek hard to keep myself from screaming like a crazy person. I bit out as calmly as I could holding back as much emotion as I could as I responded slowly with "i have friends and people who love me who can help me if I need them." Really hoping it would end there. Instead he says "do you really think thats a better option?". I swear when I say I wanted to unleash everything ive been holding deep down inside at this stupid the nerve of him comment. It quickly became a hushed argument of my clear feelings I cannot depend on a man who walks away from his family for a POS and him trying to tell me he is hurting too. The hell he is. I told him if that was true he would get the help he needed and come back home to his family. Then I did something I truly knew better than to do because I already know the answer. I turned to him and said look me in the eye, do you love her. And he said "im not even in contact with her." Lies. All lies. He does nothing but lie i swear. When he arrived he sat in his car for a good bit of time which he normally does when he in talking to someone and id bet everything there is nothing is on the call log for that period of time because he calls her on Instagram. After he said that I rolled my eyes and walked away. He and I both know the truth. As I said before, I will NEVER understand how that low level no morals serial homewrecking, cheating drug and alcohol abusing mentally deranged violent turd is worth losing everything for. Two cat shits, one litter box.
5 comments posted: Monday, January 12th, 2026
So broken i can barely breathe
A year ago I noticed odd behavior between my husband and my best friend of over 10 years. Little things that just seemed a little too much. After a visit fron her she started her 3 hour drive home and my husband jumped into the shower. Everything was screaming at me to check his phone. Well I did. And I found out my suspicions were correct. The things I read ill never be able to unread. They were planning to have sex. And sex without a condom on top of that. I was instantly shattered and from there I would never be the same. I confronted him through difficulty breathing and a spinning world and he seemed so calm. Was more upset I went through his phone than the fact that he destroyed me. After finding out he stopped hiding it. He was calling her during his hour commute to work, on lunch breaks, on his hour commute home, while my son was in the hospital to the point t his obsession with her almost costed him being there for my sons procedure. I had to call him to join us. He went on a walk through the hospital to talk to her. He decided he was leaving me. I was devastated. Dealing with a sick kid and now him leaving was so much to bear. He began telling my son, the sick one, he was going to move out. Because my son didnt have enough to deal with. My daughter woukd see him texting her on his phone. This is a woman who has 0 of the attraction features my husband likes. My husband admires curves and a feminine woman. He likes women who dress feminine. She has the body of an adolescent boy and dresses as such. Large hands which he always claimed were a turn off to him. She has a lot of mental illness, history of violence drug and alcohol abuse and no self respect or integrity. She was a homewrecker once in her past and after succeeding breaking up his family she cheated on him. She was recently engaged and got pregnant with the man's child and he wanted the baby and she aborted it. None of these things are things we really stand for in our family. But she was my fired and I loved her. My children called her Aunt. Despite her bad character we bonded over our love for horror movies and became what I thought was good friends. The last year of our friendship she decided she wanted my husband and the life he ans I built. She has spent a lot of time with some real bad men couch surfing and living with person to person. Here my husband and I built a stable life and a beautiful home and her selfishness took over. When my husband and I woukd have fights id vent to her thinking she was my safe place. She vented to me plenty about her fiance at the time as well. Little did I know she was screen shooting my complaints and sending them to him. She was taking what woukd normally be a marital tiff and repair and making it far worse. On my sons birthday he finally had enough of his father's behavior and told him for his birthday he just wanted him to leave this woman and come back to his family. The guilt set in amd my husband agreed. Or so he said. Lied to my son and said he woukd block her and choose his family. Things after that were good for about 9 months. Then I started noticing things. She had actually moved here, 3 hours away, to be near him. Left her family and life behind. Women dont do that for a man who blocks then and cuts contact. She moved 2 months after promising my son he would stop. She began cyber bullying me on her social media. Especially ones my husband didnt have like tiktok. Posting song lyrics directed at me about killing, harming and "dragging a b*tch to hell". She also used God claiming God rescued him from me and gave her to him. And that I was the toxic one. She threw hate at me at an hourly basis. All day everyday I lived with this. Terrified because she is clearly unhinged for my husband and knows where we live and is now nearby somewhere. He had told me the day he called and ended things with her but when I checked the phone logs, there was no call to her. He moved their calls to something less traceable. Instagram. And a fake account at that. He started doing a lot of things out of the normal like going tk a gym 35 mins away instead of the one a mile away he used to go to. Spending time with guys from work late at night when he never did before. Taking a long time to get home. Always needing to go places but never wanting me to come with him. After some detective work on my part I confirmed it. They were having sex and he was telling her he loves her. He had stopped telling me that. She was telling him MY children woukd be fine if he left. He was telling her everything. He even told her my sexual preferences. I was horrified. He and I always had a healthy sex life. Sex every day. Then I noticed sometimes he would have some functional difficulties (very unlike him) or when he would climax there wouldn't be much. These make sense now as he was already with her and then with me, his body was spent. Knowing her history and fearing for my health I reached out to her ex fiance and he confirmed. She has herpes. Thank my lucky stars im clean. Maybe they used condoms I dont know. He is now aware of her status as she didnt disclose it. That didnt matter to him. He would take an STD risk over a clean and faithful wife. But he continued claiming no contact with her still denying it to this day but we both know. And he willingly put my health at risk. He told me over and over he didnt want me bringing up his infidelity and if I didnt stop he was done. Well after confronting him this last time and him denying it, lying looking me dead in the eye, I told him to call her in front of me, end things with her and start being transparent with his phone and location or i was done. He said "im not living like that." And walked out. Likely to stay with her. Im a week into this and a complete mess. I know im the better woman BY far. And we have children who are now devastated by this. They are angry with him. He doesn't seem to care. He visits them for 2 hours whenever he feels like it and thats it. We had a future in the building process together. Plans. We had a special life we loved. She cant function in public due to her mental issues. She thinks she is getting everything I had but I have a good lawyer who will make sure I get at least half. Likely have to pay my lawyer fees as well. He will be left with very little. Possibly no visitation or supervised as well due to details my lawyer is working through. His family is pissed at him. We were married almost 19 years. There is a lot of love between them and me. He says he will never marry again which I think she is hoping for. She wants him to take care of her but after this he will barely be able to take care of himself. I really wish he would just get help and come back to us. WHY are we not worth it and why is she worth losing so much for.
6 comments posted: Monday, January 12th, 2026
