Am I ready to make the next step or am I making a mistake?
I’ve been married to the love of my life for almost 24 years. Together almost 26. We have 3 beautiful children, twin boys age 15 and a daughter age 12. We went through IVF to have children. Jesus was merciful and it worked twice. No extra embryos or eggs, the ones that survived are my children now. I had 3 losses before that. Like I said, God is good. We lived in GA but always felt isolated from our family. In 2016 we made a huge move to Ohio bringing my mother with us. It was hard but we have grown to have successful careers .here and a beautiful home. We live 10 minutes from my husband’s sister and her family. We finally had all the things that mattered most, Jesus, family, love. My husband was a teacher for 18 years or so and decided he wanted to do IT. He went back to school and now works in our kids schools and it’s perfect, or so I thought. We took. Family trip last summer, grandma, grandpa , in-laws , cousins…relaxed on the lake. A week to just unwind. My mom calls and there’s a beeping she can’t find. It’s nothing critical, turns out an old carbon monoxide detector dying. Suddenly on Monday I believe, we got there on Saturday, my husband feels like it’s absolutely necessary we leave to stop the beep so my mom and dog can rest. I didn’t fight it….it was cramped and extremely hot. This was in June 2024. Fast Forward to August 23rd 2025. We just got home on Saturday from watching one of my sons J V football game. My husband tells me we need to talk. Ok, code for sex. I’ll be right up. He says, no I need you know it’s important. Ok, who’s sick or hurt. He just got a text. In the bedroom he says lock the door. Do you remember the trip last year ? Something happened, my mind says oh no he hit a biker or stole something? My mind is racing. Well my husband always gives the best massages. He has for years. I have a bad back and so does his sister and mom. Well he proceeds to tell me my 22 year old niece had asked him to massage her neck. He took it too far and reached into her privates. It was stupid. He’s sorry. He got a text from my niece saying she was about to tell the family what he did. I leave and go to a friends . I get a very detailed message with the events that occurred from my niece. She is very trustworthy . She’s not lying, he admitted it. This wasn’t a quick interaction like he described. This was a very long massage after everyone went to bed. He went under her clothes caressing her lower back and butt. She was thrown off because he’s like a dad to her. She loves him and they have always been close. She redirects him. He goes under her bra, then butt again, the around into her privates. Intentionally he did this. She freaked out and jumped up, went to bed. Went home the next morning and told no one but a close friend and counselor. She was in her last year of nursing school. She had to finish. She had to process and work through this.i helped her find a place to live because she went to Savannah, the place we lived for years. My radar never went off. Grandma retired, grandpa turned 90. She waited because she didn’t want to ruin these major events. She suffered in silence until she felt safe. Then she released her version of what happened, which my husband does not deny. Utter destruction to my life, family, mental health. I told him to leave. He has an apartment and he’s not slept in this house since I found out. It’s been 19 weeks. I haven’t spoken face to face to him. I only want texts about money or kids because our accounts are linked still. I can’t bring myself to face him. I’ve never felt the devastation that I still feel in my life. I told myself and his therapist, no decisions until next year, he needs help. His therapist texted me in January 2nd at 9:29 am asking if I’d made a decision. Am I divorcing or repairing my marriage. WTH. Did he have me as his first duty for the new year? This was yesterday and I completely fell apart. Anger, sadness, disbelief- all the original emotions flooding back. I feel like I’m having a breakdown. Why am I so upset? Do I still love him? Yes I do but do I want to work this out deep down? I can’t sleep last night. I had to work today. I’m praying to Jesus please just anything give me something. I realize my fight or flight kicked in. I really think I was so triggered by the thought of having to interact with him. I researched lawyers right after and have one picked out. I CANNOT continue to go through this pain…I’m living in it and I’m going to drown. I think I just want out. I can’t get out past this. It’s a brick wall. Nothing has changed with how I feel. I’m disgusted. Will this ever go away? He is seeing a counselor but they are not certified in sex addiction or spouse betrayal. He lied and said he never watched porn. His counselor says he did. He told me he got wrapped up into thinking he was not receiving what he deserved sexually. He researched things to help performance. He spent day after day planning our sexual interaction. This is all that mattered to him. He treated me poorly if he didn’t get what he wanted. Sex became a chore. He also became very angry and constantly yelled at the kids. Things I thought were just stress and would get better. But then I found out what he was hiding. He told me because he was caught not because he wanted to. I think I’m contacting my lawyer to start the process on Monday. I need help, an ear, advice….who has been here. I’m so damaged by this. I can’t think straight. I wish he cheated instead. My family is devastated. Thank you if you’ve read this because I know it’s long but I had to get it out. Can anyone help me? Am I making the right decision? It’s the only one that gives me some peace.
17 comments posted: Sunday, January 4th, 2026
