Hopelessness

Hey again,

It's been about a month since D-Day, and it's weird. There are times when I feel like things are almost normal, and then there are moments when the tension is undeniable. I’m not certain I can ever forgive myself, so I struggle to see how BS could. This is a stain that will never wash away. I think the only reason she's considering reconciliation is because of the kids and finances. I'd do anything go back in time. BS deserves better than this. I was supposed to be different. M was never meant to be this much work.

Self-help for the week: I have a psych eval on Wednesday (it's well overdue) and therapy that evening (not sure it’s good fit, but choices are limited) BS also has their first IC session this week.

The things I'm working on: showing more compassion, being open about my feelings, and giving BS space while offering comfort, though honestly, I feel so strange doing that.

The things I'm afraid of: irreparable harm to BS and her future, the same for the kids, the same for me. Not being able to forgive myself. Being a pariah. D. Never being happy with myself.

Thanks for reading,

UN86

3 comments posted: Monday, October 13th, 2025

Isolation/desperation

Everything still feels so raw, and I’m completely overwhelmed with regret, shame, heartbreak, and confusion. I can barely get out of bed. I’ve been telling work I’m sick, but it feels like it’s only a matter of time before everything falls apart.

We haven’t told anyone yet as my partner is afraid of the judgment and stigma that might come with it. I worry she’s carrying the weight of this alone, and knowing that only adds to the pain.

I know I sound pathetic and I don’t deserve to have these feelings, but I just need some kind of hope right now. I need to believe that I can survive the consequences of what I’ve done because at the moment it feels like everything is collapsing around me and I’m afraid.

2 comments posted: Thursday, September 18th, 2025

I’m in shock of my decisions.

Hello,
I never imagined I’d be in this place, caught in the wreckage of my own actions, watching the person I love most suffer because of me. My wife and I have been together for 12 years, married for nearly 5. And now, because of a single night of many bad decisions, everything has been shattered.

Ultimately, I made a terrible decision. I got drunk, I got high, but none of that excuses what I did. I had a one-night stand. I take full responsibility. I don’t understand why I allowed myself to get into that situation or why I didn’t stop it. But I did it, and it’s on me and that hurts.

The worst part is seeing the pain I’ve caused her. She’s in shock, then denial, then breaks down in sobs I can’t help her through. She doesn't even feel safe confiding in her friends because she’s afraid of being judged. I keep telling her she’s the one who was betrayed and I’m the one who will be judged.

I want nothing more than for her to heal. Of course, I wish that healing could include me, but I know that might not be possible. Whether she stays or goes, I want to support her recovery in any way I can.

So I’m asking: what can I do now? Do I give her space and move to the other side of the house (moving out isn’t possible at this point)? Do I try to talk to her, or is that selfish right now? I just want to help her find a path through this pain.

- Someone with less integrity than before

18 comments posted: Tuesday, September 16th, 2025